


Command My Heart

by gorgondrifter



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Canon Compliant until 3x07 with extra scenes/missed scenes, Canon Divergent, Clexa, Eventual Smut, F/F, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Lexa does not die, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 59
Words: 85,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26770669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgondrifter/pseuds/gorgondrifter
Summary: This is mostly a canon compliant fic with extra scenes and moments that I wanted to expand upon. Canon divergent from 3x07, this is a story of how Lexa and Clarke fall in love.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Clexa - Relationship
Comments: 382
Kudos: 611





	1. The Alliance

**Author's Note:**

> As always hate comments will be deleted.

Lexa wondered when things had changed between her and Clarke. She had barely known the sky girl and spent less than a day or two in her company.

She'd been intrigued by her from that first day in her tent but even then Lexa had denounced it only a stirring of attraction. She was human after all and to say that Clarke was pretty would be accurate. 

Still as Clarke walked across her war tent like she owned it, her hair loose, scratches marring parts of her fair skin from her escape from the mountain, Lexa wondered why she was so transfixed on the image before her, especially given all she had done. 

It still saddened Lexa that she had lost Anya. Her fos, her teacher, maybe even her friend. Clarke had told her that Anya had escaped with her yet she had never reached the sky people's camp. Lexa still had her suspicions about that, especially since Anya's body had never been recovered. Lexa had learned not to write anyone off until she had seen the body for herself and Anya was tougher than anyone she had ever known, save maybe Indra or Gustus.

 _Anya, Gustus, Costia_ she thought. _All gone. This is the cost of war. If only the people understood this, they wouldn't rush to it with such vigour._

She watched Clarke pore over the maps on the table, analysing their options and tried to pinpoint when it had changed between them. Lexa had not trusted Clarke at first, with good reason. They were the enemy and alliances could break easily despite everyone's good intentions.

Clarke leaned forward and Lexa turned her head to avoid seeing down Clarke's shirt. She wished someone would tell her about that. That strange grey clothing the sky girl wore seemed much lower than anything her own people ever wore. Such clothing was impractical in war, the breast was such a vulnerable entry point and yet Lexa knew that it wasn't out of fear for Clarke's safety, the lack of fabric bothered her.

"Do you think the tunnels would be a better entry point? I mean that's where the reapers are set loose and we still have no idea if we can even open that door. How will we ever get inside?"

Lexa kept her face neutral, still getting used to this informality that seemed to have arisen between them since the memorial for Clarke's former lover. Lexa was not used to it. Clarke's lack of respect was almost intentional as if she refused to bow to another even in this.

"It's late Clarke. We will hold a meeting tomorrow and consider our options. Any ideas you have would best be brought up then."

Clarke didn't even look up and Lexa found herself staring at her side profile, that face soft in the dim candle light. When blue eyes turned to her, intensely scrutinising and demanding, Lexa thought that maybe it was when she had seen Clarke speak her language or maybe when she had caught the sympathy on Clarke's face as she had drawn her sword back from Gustus that final time.

Lexa dared not allow herself to think about why she wanted Clarke to understand at that moment. It wasn't something commander's got to indulge, being emotionally vulnerable. It wasn't something her people ever did.

"Clarke," Lexa repeated. "You need to rest. We can do no more tonight. There are tents made up for your people. Go and sleep."

"How can I rest?" Clarke asked. "My people are still back there? Who knows what they will do to them?"

Lexa knew all to well what really haunted Clarke's dreams. It was the same thing that haunted Lexa's. The deaths she was responsible for, the mistakes she had made. But Lexa was more used to this life than Clarke and somehow that made her want to share some of her wisdom with her. 

"You did the only thing that you could do for him. His life was forfeit the moment he shot those people. Wasting time worrying about those you've lost will only distract you from helping those you still have. We mourn them after the war ends. Not during."

Clarke glared at her, a ferociousness in her eyes that was almost dangerous and Lexa wondered how she kept managing to offend these sky people so easily with simple truths. Their ways were so different. Even after such a short time she could see that and given that Clarke seemed to be the only one of skaikru to understand that they had to work together to defeat the mountain, they would likely have to spend much more time together before the war was done.

 _And that's why I must put aside my attraction for her_ Lexa thought. _It is a distraction and we need her to win this. The alliance only survives if she does. She is all that is holding it together right now._

Lexa had seen how the rest of her people were unwilling to understand trikru traditions. They had scoffed at their idea of justice, thinking it barbaric. They thought her people savages and their technology made them complacent about the danger they were in. Kane had been willing, Jaha possibly even to broker an agreement. The others were pretty clear in their disgust.

 _Grounders they call us. People of the ground_ she thought _. They think us primitive. Does Clarke see us as savages too? She seems to disagree too._

"My words offend you," Lexa said, trying more skilfully to be diplomatic, "but you know that I am right. If this alliance is to work we must try to understand each other. We both want to save our people."

Clarke brow raised a little as if she was wondering what Lexa's angle was. Lexa didn't blame her. This was a political game as much as it was a conversation and each time they talked it was laced with reminders of their opposing positions.

"You're right," Clarke said. "I should try to get some sleep. I'll be here for the meeting tomorrow. We'll make this work."

Clarke kept eye contact with her, though Lexa was sure that it was due to great effort and Lexa admired her consistancy. Clarke knew what game they were playing and that she had to appear strong if she was to be respected but she still lacked experience as a leader and Lexa feared that it might be Clarke's undoing. 

_I have to make sure they see her as protected, as a vital part of this alliance. If my people challenge her and she does not stand her ground they will think her weak but if she pushes it too far they will feel she is being disrespectful._

Lexa was sure that Clarke didn't understand the fine line she would have to tread. 

They didn't say any more to each other as Clarke left the tent and strode to find herself a bed for the night and Lexa only hoped that the sky girl was a quick learner and had some useful input at the meeting. 

She lay on her bed on her back and closed her eyes, trying not to think of the fierce, blue eyes and low cut clothing.


	2. Unsteady Diplomacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has to keep the peace as Quint oversteps at the meeting and attacks Clarke afterwards and Lexa gets injured when her and Clarke flee the Pauna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations
> 
> Jomp em op an yu jomp ai op - You attack her and you attack me.
> 
> Em ste spichen. Ai gonplei kamp raun em en nou mou - She lies. My fight is with her.
> 
> Yu gonplei ste udon - Your fight is over.
> 
> Jok - Fuck

The meeting did not go well by Lexa's standards. The only one who offered any potential solutions was Clarke and Lexa was trying not to let her desire for the girl cloud her judgment. Quint was unwilling to put his anger towards skaikru aside and yet still he gained respect. 

When he squared up to Clarke, Lexa expected her to show fear but curiously she stepped closer and stared him right in the eye and defended her actions. Clarke had killed Quint's brother in a ring of fire. Lexa understood his desire for revenge but when he made a veiled threat, Lexa had to warn him. He made a show of apology, of respect at least but Lexa did not trust that it was over, a fact that she later found was right.

"Quint's right," she heard herself say. "Waiting for Bellamy is not a plan it's a prayer."

The visible change in Clarke's manner was immediate but Lexa would not apologise for it. It was a good idea but an idea all the same and she needed a more solid strategy to succeed. 

When the meeting convened, Quint left first and Lexa didn't like that at all. She told herself that she should not be concerned, that Clarke had her guard, the taller blonde woman who had been by her side for the entire meeting. But it gnawed at her and Lexa wondered when she had become strangely protective of her. 

Not long after Lexa found her sky girl at the mercy of Quint and immediately reached for her dagger and threw it at his arm with deadly accuracy. He clutched it, the dagger still stuck through his flesh and Clarke pushed him off quickly and drew her small gun. 

Lexa reached down and pulled the dagger back from his flesh as Quint stared up at her. 

" _Jomp em op an yu jomp ai op_ ", she told him, knowing what had to be done. 

"Thank you," Clarke rasped.

She sounded so relieved, so desperate, as if she hadn't expected anyone to save for her and Lexa felt something stir within her yet again as she gazed into those yearning blue eyes. 

_She won't like what I must ask of her next_ she thought. 

"Where's your guard?" Lexa asked her.

"He killed her," Clarke said, with anger.

She glared down at Quint who seemed surprised, which was odd considering he had been caught in the act of trying to kill Clarke just moments before. 

" _Em ste spichen. Ai gonplei kamp raun em en nou mou."_

 _"Yu gonplei ste udon_ ," Lexa hissed. 

There was venom in her voice. Why was she so furious? He anger was disproportional. He endangered the alliance and disobeyed and the punishment for that was death but Lexa's heart had stopped when she'd seen him raising the dagger over Clarke.

_Stop this. Think clearly. You are a commander. Clarke must do this to prove her strength to my people._

Lexa put her dagger away, schooling her emotions as she had been trained.

"The kill is yours Clarke."

Clarke held the gun at him but Lexa saw the hestitation there. For what felt like an eternity they all just waited to see if she could do it but then a large roar interrupted them and everyone spun their heads in the direction.

"What is that?" Clarke whispered, smart enough to keep her voice as low as possible so that the predator might not hear them.

"Pauna," Lexa replied, remembering the beast's blood curdling call from her nightmares of the last time she had heard it. 

The sound had been distant then. A roar in the darkness of the forest as she rested. She'd been a child and had not even seen it but she had never forgotten it.

She drew her sword without hesitation and slashed at the back of Quint's thigh to give all but him a chance to escape.

"Run!" she yelled, as the beast grew closer. 

They all ran, her, Clarke and her man, hearing Quint being torn apart behind them.

"We need to hide," Lexa commanded.

"This way I found something."

Clarke pushed aside the grate and they all rushed through, hoping to find shelter there but as soon as they entered it became apparent they had found something else.

Bloodied skulls littered the rocky enclosure. An entire moose lay dead and half eaten there. 

"What is this place?"

Lexa would've thought it obvious to Clarke what it was but she reminded herself that the sky girl was new to their planet and untrained.

"It's her feeding ground," she said.

"Let's go," Clarke urged.

 _She was clearly used to leading,_ Lexa noted _. She does it without thinking._

She followed Clarke who climbed up and noticed the moose and visibly recoiled but continued on upwards. A loud growl reached their ears echoing around the enclosure and Lexa and her guard drew their swords and they all remained still. 

When the giant beast leapt towards them knocking down trees as if they were paper and grabbed her guard it pounded him violently. Both her and Clarke watched in horror at it's sheer strength as it threw him as if he was nothing and Lexa knew that she had been right to fear it as a child. The Pauna was as terrifying as she had always imagined. 

Clarke started shooting suddenly, acting quicker than even Lexa did and the beast recoiled with the pain and fell down into the drop. But mere seconds later, just as they both wondered if it had been enough, they had their answer as it leapt up an incredible height.

They both ran, still shocked by what they had just witnessed but running on pure instinct but reached a ledge with a sharp drop. Clarke leaned over and they both glanced back as the gorilla gained ground on them and Clarke climbed over and leapt. 

Lexa sheathed her sword and didn't hesitate to follow but the drop was steeper than she had expected and she landed horribly, her left side striking hard concrete and _jok_ it hurt. Clarke didn't hesitate to reach for her and Lexa felt strong arms drag her up as they ran together. Lexa didn't have time to think about how she felt with Clarke's warm body against her own as Clarke crawled through a small entrance and she felt a mammoth grip on her leg, dragging her backwards. 

Lexa grabbed the sides, fighting desperately but she knew that Clarke would survive if she left now. Injured and caught, Lexa had no doubt this was it.

"Leave me," she urged her, wanting at least one of them to survive.

"No way," Clarke replied, pointing her gun at the Pauna and firing of a few rounds. 

The beast let her go and Lexa scrambled through with Clarke's help. Clarke leaned forward with her leg and kicked out the wooden wedge, that was keeping the entrance open, with force. It slipped down and closed, gaining them time and Clarke grabbed Lexa again and guided her into a metal room.

Lexa had no choice but to sit where Clarke left her, gathering her breath and trying to ignore the pain. Clarke asked for her sword without a beat and closed the door, blocking it with the blade. 

Lexa watched her, angry and frustrated at being so helpless but strangely angrier still that Clarke had been foolish enough to risk her life for her. 

_What was she thinking? I thought her smarter than this. Did I misjudge her?_

The thought echoed in Lexa's mind as she wondered how exactly they were getting out of this alive. 


	3. Cultural Differences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are trapped after escaping the Pauna and have a disagreement over Clarke's actions.

Clarke was tender. Lexa hadn't noticed this before. She was hands on and rough often but as she bandaged Lexa's sling, she was tender and almost happy doing it. She seemed to like the activity as if it was comforting and familiar somehow. From what she had learned about the sky people so far, Clarke's mother was Abby, a healer, so it made sense that she had some skills in the area. Lexa wondered if things had been different, would Clarke have gone that route instead?

It bothered Lexa immensely that she might be the reason that Clarke died there.

"You should have left me behind," Lexa told her, finally. "Now two will die here instead of one."

Clarke stopped, obviously displeased with this and the slight comfort that had been evident in her, turned into a frown. She turned her back to Lexa.

"I may be new to your culture but when you save someone's life my people say thank you."

She started testing the bars, refusing to accept defeat. Lexa admired her spirit but she didn't want Clarke's inexperience to get her killed. 

_She's joking right now,_ Lexa thought. _Does she think this a game?_

"I'm serious Clarke. To lead well, one must be able to make hard choices."

Clarke had shook the bars but she turned around at that, walking back towards her.

"Hard choices? You're telling _me_ that."

"I've seen your strength it's true," Lexa said, "but now you waver. You couldn't kill Quint. You couldn't leave me to die. That was weakness."

Clarke leaned in even closer. 

"I thought love was weakness."

Lexa's heart beat a little faster but it still irritated her that Clarke wasn't taking her advice seriously. 

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind Clarke."

_Is she always this infuriating? I merely wish to help her._

Clarke who'd had her back to her again, checking the bars, spun around and Lexa found herself elated each time she faced her.

"You wanna know why I saved you? Because I need you. God forbid one of your commanders becomes general. You may be heartless Lexa but at least you're smart."

_She needs me?_

_She thinks I'm smart_?

It dawned on Lexa all at once that Clarke was deeply worried for her people that if Lexa died they would not be protected. A smile came to her lips. She could ease her mind on that at least for some small mercy. 

"Don't worry. My spirit will choose much more wisely than that."

"Your spirit?" Clarke replied in confusion.

"When I die, my spirit will choose the next commander."

"Reincarnation? That's how you became commander?"

 _They don't chose a leader this way?_ Lexa wondered idly. _The sky people are truly very different._

"How are your commander's chosen?"

It was then that they were interrupted by a pounding at the door and they both flew back against the wall, as if hoping the wall would cave and they could push back further. 

"It found us," Clarke rasped. 

They both panted, terrified, side by side against the wall. 

"Don't be afraid Clarke. Death is not the end."

She meant only comfort but Clarke seemed to take it as talk of defeat.

"We are not dying here," she retorted. "I need your spirit to stay where it it. 

Lexa drew her dagger, ready to face it, ready to go down fighting and stood in front of Clarke to shield her.

"Then get ready to fight. It's coming in."

Clarke suddenly ran in front of her.

"Then we let it in. Come here!"

Lexa followed without question, unused to taking orders so readily and they both were now on the opposite wall. Clarke lifted up the sword blocking the door and Pauna charged in, but Clarke yelled commands and yanked Lexa out before she could even think and closed the door behind it, effectively trapping it. Lexa was in awe as she faced Clarke as the beast beat the enclosure door beside them. 

"Let's go," Lexa said, knowing they had to leave while they had the opportunity and find somewhere safe to rest. 

  
When they found a suitable site far from danger, they built a fire between them and Clarke soon fell asleep on her side on the ground. She was exhausted and Lexa wondered if she ever slept many hours. She seemed not to rest adequately and Lexa stayed awake, deciding to keep watch.


	4. An Inconvenient Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa tries to supress her feelings as she attempts to teach Clarke some useful skills and takes her horse riding but they only grow stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations
> 
> Mochof - Thank you  
> En's ogud - It's fine. It's good.

The Pauna had changed things. Lexa didn't know when the last time someone else had made her smile. 

_She thinks I'm smart._

Lexa had already realised that this crush was going to cause her trouble. She shouldn't remember the feeling of Clarke's arms hauling her up so well, neither should the graze of her soft fingertips as she tended to her wound, be so imprinted in her memory. 

"I don't know how to ride a horse or how to swim," Clarke admitted.

They were in her tent alone together as they had been every day since the Pauna. Clarke had told her of her plan that day to let out their people in Mount Weather and have a secret army on the inside. 

Lexa had told her that she had been wrong, that her heart showed no sign of weakness and it had been strangely harder to say that to Clarke than it should have be. 

It was a very long time since anyone had made Lexa kom trikru nervous to speak. 

"That should be rectified soon," Lexa replied, not surprised by Clarke's admission. 

She had after all been raised in the sky and not on land. 

_Everything must have been so new for her_ Lexa thought _and so harsh. To see such beauty and then such blood within a day of landing here._

She had asked Clarke to brief her on the events since she had landed, wanting to know everything that had happened to the 100 delinquents so that she could understand them.

They had faced death, violence and war so quickly but Lexa's people had not known them and they had unwittingly made a declaration of war in crossing the boundary. Then the mountain men had released the acid fog, there'd been more deaths, fighting amongst theirselves and Clarke own struggle with the loss of her best friend Wells to murder. So much more had followed. They'd barely had time to adjust to their surroundings and it had been a gauntlet. 

"I don't think there's time," Clarke replied, casting a wary glance towards her. 

Clarke was coming around to her. Lexa had noticed this but she didn't fully trust her yet. The incident with the Pauna had bonded them somehow but they were still both always thinking of their people and well aware that their relationship was political.

Lexa raised a brow and stepped closer to her. 

"There's always time if we make it. Besides the journey you take between your camp and ours reduces the amount of time we could be discussing strategy and your people have no method of transportation besides walking. I will recommend Indra start teaching your people. I will teach you while we have time and provide your people with horses."

Clarke seemed alarmed at the suggestion.

"Now?" she asked. 

Lexa scrutinised her face, seeing fear there. Clarke had likely only seen horses at a distance. She probably had no idea how to react around them.

"Yes," Lexa told her in a commanding voice, her shoulders squared and her head held high. "Follow me."

Clarke did as asked not questioning it further and Lexa commanded for one of the calmer horses to be brought to her. She took the reigns, advising her people where she was headed and Clarke followed by her side. 

The lesson started fairly well once they were alone in the woods. She instructed Clarke on how to mount and she did, albeit clumsily and found herself seated on horseback. She was riding fairly well as Lexa guided the horse but once Lexa told her to spur the horse forward into a canter, Clarke seemed at a loss. 

"No, no. You can't just tell him to move further. You must use your legs."

The horse remained absolutely still as Clarke just looked down at her legs in a absolute confusion. 

"I use my legs to move him? How?"

Lexa grabbed the fur saddle and leapt up on the back of the horse behind Clarke in one swift movement. Clarke's head spun around in shock but before she could protest Lexa was behind her and already moving the horse forward. 

"You squeeze with your legs," Lexa told her. "He has to feel your instruction. All of our horses are trained to move without verbal commands. We don't want our enemies to hear us moving through the woods so easily."

"Yeah, yeah I understand."

Lexa noticed the hint of a blush on Clarke's cheeks as she turned away. Their bodies were bumping together but Lexa had been so distracted that she hadn't even considered it.

_Is she-?_

_No. Clarke has shown no interest in me in that way. She is merely embarrassed at needing to be taught at such a late age._

"See it is simpler than it looks," Lexa told her. "There are more advanced techniques but the trick is not to fall off and I suspect you can manage that."

"Yes," Clarke replied. "I think I can."

She still wouldn't turn her head back to Lexa, clearly too engrossed in the activity. 

"Tomorrow I will bring my horse and we will ride together so that you can practise. We have to wait for Bellamy before we can proceed anyway. That will give us some time."

"Sure," Clarke answered, her voice low. "I guess it would make travelling faster."

"It can be enjoyable," Lexa said, "once you are accustomed to it but we should head back now. I cannot spend too much time away in case we hear word from your people."

"Agreed," Clarke said, facing forward, becoming more serious suddenly. 

Lexa found her hands twitching as she saw Clarke's thighs in front of her. She wanted to run her hands over them but it would be inappropriate given her position of leadership and could undermine their alliance. 

"You have done well Clarke," she said, "for your first lesson."

Clarke turned her head back slightly and smiled as if the compliment pleased her. 

"Thanks. It's not as scary as I thought."

"Horses are gentle creatures Clarke but they are easily spooked and can become aggressive if startled. Never stand near their back legs. They will kick if frightened. Otherwise stay calm and they will stay calm too."

"If only people were so easy," Clarke said, suddenly. 

Lexa felt that smile forming at the corner of her lips, despite how much she fought it. 

_I cannot feel this way about her. I cannot_.

Lexa led Clarke back with thought repeating as a mantra. When she dismounted she wanted to hold her arm out to help Clarke but her people would be watching and so she had to watch Clarke awkwardly dismount and land with a stumble. She managed fairly well without her and Lexa was secretly relieved. 

"Tomorrow we will practice more," Lexa told her. "Swimming can wait."

Clarke wore a slight smile now, seeming grateful for even the most minute of courtesies from her. Lexa had noticed that she expected very little from people, as if she had come just to expect being treated with disrespect.

"Thank you Heda. Um _mochof_."

Lexa found her attempts to learn their language endearing. She was making the effort, more than many others at skaikru were. 

" _En's ogud_. It's fine Clarke."

Clarke nodded, with the hint of a smile as she maintained eye contact.

"Tomorrow then."

Lexa bowed her head as Clarke left for her camp on foot. On the outside she appeared measured and unaffected, the very image of a commander, but on the inside Lexa was fighting with herself. Her feelings seemed only to grow, no matter how much she dismissed them or refocussed. 

_This is a problem_ she thought _. I must not let this go any farther. I must stay centred._


	5. Love Thy Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke ponders her budding relationship with Lexa and how she feels about that and Raven reminds Clarke of her loyalties.

Clarke was troubled. She was sitting at a table in the Camp Jaha canteen long after she finished her food that evening. She was worried. For her people. For Bellamy. For the alliance. One slight mistake and the alliance could crumble and it would be her fault. She had to take care with the grounders. After Quint, they trusted her even less, despite what had happened later.

And then there was _Lexa_.

Clarke was battling with herself. Something about Lexa was comforting, enticing even. Clarke had to remind herself that Lexa was the commander, that she could probably kill her in a heartbeat or have her tied to a tree like Finn and have everyone carve out her organs. She was being ridiculous but her sense of humour had always been a little dry. 

Lexa had a presence, a manner about her that drew everyone in any given room to her. Her people were in awe of her. She commanded them as if it was easy and Clarke knew from first hand experience that leading a group of people, any group of people, was incredibly difficult for anyone. But Clarke almost forgot about that when she was alone with the commander. 

Sometimes their conversations felt almost effortless while at other times they would become more strained, usually when they were disagreeing over their people. 

_I shouldn't forget who she is. What she can do? I have to keep a perspective in every conversation we have. One false move and my people will suffer the consequences._

And yet even as Clarke rationalised it all, she was actually looking forward to seeing Lexa again and to another lesson.

She had been embarrassed at how her body had reacted when Lexa's had pressed against hers as she had mounted the horse. Clarke had tried not to react but she'd immediately felt the difference in it. She hadn't even been thinking about sex until then. It had been Finn, the last person she had slept with and that had been ages ago. Some much had happened since then that her lack of sex life had been the furthest thing from her mind.

She felt guilt. Guilt at how quickly she had moved on from Finn and even more so given that it was the very woman who had demanded his death that she was attracted to. It felt like a betrayal, even though he had betrayed her first by lying about Raven. 

And even with that hanging over her and every other worry on her mind, she felt a little bit of hope, a little bit of joy. Her and Lexa seemed to work well together and the partnership hadn't been as difficult as expected. 

Raven joined her, placing her tray down on the table as she sat next to her. Clarke wondered where Octavia was. She hadn't seen her all day. 

"Octavia's training with Indra," Raven said, as if reading her mind. "Guess it's just us."

"I'm finished," Clarke said, pushing her tray away. "Who's manning the radio?"

Raven shot her a haughty look as if offended that Clarke would even ask, as if she wasn't aware how important it was.

"Don't worry Clarke. I got it. We won't miss anything because we stepped out for a some snacks."

Clarke lowered her eyes, knowing that a large part of Raven's snappiness was down to what had happened to Finn.

 _What I did_ Clarke reminded herself. 

The guilt still gnawed away at her over that too. It had only been easing because Lexa had kept reminding her that she had done because she had to. Lexa praised her decision on that one calling it strength and for some reason Lexa's approval was something Clarke craved deeply. 

"I know you do," Clarke admitted. "I'm just checking."

"So," Raven said, stabbing a fork at one of the grey ration portions on her plate, "you've been spending a lot of time with the Grounder Queen. What do they call her? The commander? How's that going?"

"Pretty well," Clarke said, trying not to give anything much away in her tone. "She's much more reasonable than I expected."

"She's the enemy," Raven said, with a note of anger in her voice, "she murdered Finn."

"I murdered Finn," Clarke reminded her. "They needed to punish him for what he did and I wanted to spare him from that."

"What about what they did?" 

Raven's voice grew louder and Clarke knew that this was still raw for her too.

"She asked for his death. We both know that. Just remember that when you are being all buddy buddy with her."

 _Like I could forget_ Clarke thought _. Does she think I don't think about it every day? Lexa is no different than I am. She's just trying to make the best out of bad situations. She's surviving_ _and making sure her people survive too._

Clarke couldn't feel angry at Lexa for Finn anymore than she could be angry at herself. The more she learned of the grounders, the more she saw how absolutely strong Lexa had to appear to her people. At any time her leadership could be challenged. Many grounders were ambitious and only followed out of fear of the consequences if they didn't. 

It was a miracle that Lexa managed to keep them all in line as it was. 

"We need this alliance," Clarke reminded her. "If we have a chance or getting our people back it will be with their help. They know the land. They have an army, horses, archers. We can't do this alone."

"Yeah? But who says they won't turn on us the second it's done and wipe us all out. Two birds one stone."

Her words worried Clarke and she frowned and lifted her chin. It was a possibility that the alliance would give them that opportunity. Lexa was calculating, that much she had seen plainly. 

Clarke didn't want to believe it of her. She liked Lexa, hell she admired her on some level. What she did every day was incredible? Clarke was just flailing around by comparison, holding on by a thread to keep everything from collapsing around them. She often lived day to day and made the next decision she could. Lexa went a step further than that and planned ahead. 

_The horse riding lesson tomorrow is going to be very interesting_ Clarke thought _to herself._

"You might be right," Clarke told Raven, "but we can't deal with that right now. Not if we are to win."

Raven locked eyes with her and seemed to think about this. She moved to focus on her food instead and Clarke thought she might try to get some actual rest if her mind would let her. She had to set off early to travel to Lexa's camp and any sleep would be better than none.

She told Raven she was going to rest for the night and headed off to the bed her mom'd had allocated for her. It was a room full of bunks but barely occupied and Clarke lay back on her bed fully clothed and closed her eyes to try and sleep.


	6. Same as Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa begins to realise that her feelings are not going to fade as the missile hits TonDC

Lexa knew the exact moment she realised that her feelings for Clarke were not going away. It was after she told her about the missile. They'd been spending every day together and when Clarke didn't show for the meeting that day, Lexa was more disappointed than she should have been. 

When Clarke did finally arrive, Lexa fully intended to let her know about her displeasure at her lateness but one look at her face and Lexa knew that something was wrong. 

Before she knew what was happening, Lexa was telling Clarke to follow her through as they snuck out of TonDC. 

"I know you disagree," Lexa told her, "but this is war and we must do this." 

Clarke was silent as she walked ahead and Lexa didn't know why it mattered to her so much that Clarke was upset. She had challenged her. Lexa had been fairly restrained for the most part. Anyone else might have taken a beating for handling the commander in such a way. She had grabbed Lexa's arm and said that it was wrong and she'd had to step into Clarke's space and face her down. 

"Let's just get outta here," Clarke muttered.

 _She understands even if she refuses to admit it_ Lexa thought _. I know she does_. 

When Clarke stopped walking behind her and Lexa saw her hesitating she reasoned with her. Clarke tried to suggest other options and she tried to explain that there was no time but one word turned Lexa's blood cold.

"Mom?"

_Oh no._

Clarke couldn't leave her behind. She slipped from Lexa's fingers before she could say anything more and was talking to her mother before Lexa could do anything. She glanced away from TonDC knowing that as the commander she should leave Clarke behind and not risk her own safety but she couldn't. When the missile flew over the sky she saw it in horror and the impact as it hit. Devastation and chaos followed but Lexa only searched for Clarke rushing to find her without even a moment's thought. 

She found Clarke heading towards a white horse on fire and then towards a woman who had been critically injured and was reaching for her before she fell to the ground. It was when she saw Clarke moving to help her, she realised that her sky girl was in a state of shock, not thinking clearly. Lexa reached for her and called her name as she shook her arms and Clarke seemed to come back to her.

"I could've warned them. I could've saved them."

The warring emotions in Clarke's eyes broke Lexa's heart and she suddenly wanted nothing more than to ease her pain. Clarke tried to turn away but Lexa drew her back, her hands on Clarke's shoulders. 

"Victory stands on the back of sacrifice. You know that."

As Lexa gazed at Clarke, she knew it right then. Her feelings were stronger for her than she imagined. She had risked her own safety, her people's safety to go back for her. 

_I didn't even hesitate_ Lexa thought _. The mere thought of leaving Clarke behind didn't even enter my head. I'm falling for her already._

Clarke seemed to understand her words and her sadness turned quickly into determined anger.

"I want the mountain men dead. All of them."

She had never seen that in Clarke before, the desire for revenge, for justice. Lexa could only nod, knowing from experience that this would not end well for Clarke. Revenge never solved anything but she knew that Clarke needed something right at that moment. 

  
When they finally returned to TonDC after the missile and saving Lincoln, Lexa could see that Clarke relationship with her mother was strained. Her mother likely had guessed why Clarke had tried to warn her and Lexa saw the hurt on Clarke's face as she reacted to whatever Abby was saying to her. Lexa watched as her mother then smiled at her and touched her face softly, telling her silently that she still loved her no matter what. 

It was moving to see and Lexa found herself having some respect for the woman, both as Clarke's mother and for daring to yell at her people to get to work and help more from the rubble. 

  
Clarke wouldn't rest. After moving their camp to a new one and spending an intensely tiring day marching and dealing with the aftermath of the missile, Clarke was in Lexa's tent still pouring over plans and maps for strategy. Her guilt over the missile seemed to have made her more determined than ever and Lexa knew just why that was. The only way she was managing was by telling herself that it was necessary, that it was all for her people in Mount Weather and that put more pressure than ever on Clarke not to fail. 

She sighed and got up for a drink, having watching Clarke with one eye open as she tried to rest on her bed but when she tried to advise Clarke, to help her to see sense, she got only more worries and fears from her. 

And then there was Bellamy. The more Clarke talked of him, the more Lexa had begun to grow jealous of their relationship. She tried to tell herself that they were merely like her and Gustus were but everytime she pictured him smiling with Clarke or Clarke talked fondly of him, she felt a stab to the chest. The thought of Clarke with anyone else even potentially made her blood boil but she refused to let her jealousy make her irrational. 

"You care about him more."

She had challenged Clarke on it and she hadn't denied it but Lexa began to see that their relationship was not what she feared and that Clarke was worried that she had sent him in there to die.

It was about her guilt, about leading him into danger. Clarke was second guessing her capabilities as a leader. 

She told Clarke what she needed to hear. That she was born for it. That being a leader meant asking people to fight and die for you but before that she spent far too long lingering at Clarke's side. Far too long studying her side profile in all it's beauty as Clarke was turned away from her.

 _I could just kiss her_ Lexa thought. _I have imagined it so many times in the last few days. It wouldn't take much effort. She's just there and I want to so much._

But Lexa gave her a lesson instead, telling her that she was born for it too. 

_You were born for this Clarke, same as me_ she had said.

Her words were about more than just Clarke though, they were bitter, a reminder that commanders didn't get to love. Costia had taught her that the hard way. It was that reminder that had Lexa taking a swig of her goblet and turning away from Clarke. 


	7. The Heart Speaks True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finds it harder to ignore her feelings after Clarke confronts about Octavia knowing about the missile and Clarke finally sees Lexa as more than just a commander, leading to a tender moment.

_Kiss_ _her_ Lexa thought to herself as her back hit the table. _Or at least tell her how you feel. She is right there._

"Get out," were the words she said instead. 

"250 people died in that village. I know you felt for them but you let them burn."

_Tell her. Tell her._

Lexa couldn't bring herself to say it. The words were stuck in her throat.

"Not everyone. Not you."

_Please understand what I'm saying. I can't make it any clearer._

Clarke visibly recoiled, surprised at her admission but instead of moving back she moved closer and for a second Lexa wondered if she was actually going to kiss her. 

"Well if you care about me then trust me. Octavia's not a threat."

Lexa swallowed. She wanted to trust her. She did trust her but as a commander she couldn't. Octavia was a wild card, a loose cannon and Lexa didn't leave things to chance. 

"I can't."

She hated the words as soon as they left her mouth, especially for how they changed that soft open, expression Clarke was wearing to a hard, guarded one. Her body was reacting to their close proximity, every second feeling like a lifetime as if time was stood still for them both. 

"I can't sacrifice my people any more. If you do anything to hurt Octavia, I'll tell everyone we knew about the missile."

Lexa was holding her breath, practically pinned against the table with no further back to go. She had let Clarke question her decisions. She had let her advance upon her, maintaining eye contact and keeping her shoulders squared but still backing away. Lexa had never backed away from anyone. Not once. Commanders did not yield ever to anyone but she was mere seconds from yielding to Clarke and giving her anything she wanted from her. 

Clarke's gaze flickered down to her lips and back before she turned and strode out of her tent and Lexa felt her back slump as she wrestled with feelings.

_Had she been about to kiss me? She seemed like she wanted to._

Clarke had unwittingly given Lexa an excuse to trust Octavia, given that the risk in not doing so was now equal to the risk of not killing her. She turned her head, her heart still thudding in her chest.

_Maybe I do need to learn to trust. Have I become so unable to since Costia that I would destroy the alliance instead of trusting one young woman?_

_She likes me_ Clarke thought, still in shock at Lexa's admission. _It's not one sided. She can't though. She's the leader of the entire alliance, of all these people. I'm just me. She could have any woman she wanted. Why me_?

Feelings Clarke hadn't realised she'd been holding onto overwhelmed her all at once. Feelings a great deal stronger than anything she had felt with Finn. It had surprised her that Lexa could even feel that way. She was so formal and level headed. To see her walls breaking down and Lexa so vulnerable, was heart breaking and unexpected. 

_She looked scared_ Clarke thought. _She wasn't even scared when the Pauna attacked us. How could she be scared of her feelings for me? Did I even interpret that right. Maybe she meant as a friend, or as someone who is useful to the alliance._

All of these thoughts swirled around her mind as she tried to rationalise what had happened between them. They had been growing closer, even more so since the missile, despite Clarke not wanting to accept that they could have prevented it. Lexa had been by her side so consistently through it, advising her with that calming presence that Clarke had come to crave being around but not once did Clarke interpret her behaviour towards her as romantic. 

Until now Clarke had thought that her crush was a one sided infatuation. 

And now Clarke couldn't think of anything but kissing her. Of those plump, delicious lips and how it might feel to press her own against them. 

Only the thought of Raven's anger stopped her. Raven and Finn. What would Finn have thought of her moving on so quickly and with Lexa, who had demanded his life.

 _Get it together Clarke_ she told herself _. This is not the time or place for romance. Lexa probably didn't mean it that way._

But somewhere deep in the back of her mind, she knew what Lexa had meant. She had felt the chemistry between them grow stronger and stronger. They both knew it. 

  
When Clarke returned to her tent, Lexa only meant to tell her that Octavia was safe. She wanted her to know that she did trust her even if she had been unable to admit it. 

What she hadn't prepared for was the softness in Clarke's mouth and the change in her expression as she went from defensive to empathetic as soon as Lexa told her that. 

"I know how hard that is for you," Clarke admitted, moving much closer.

Lexa glanced at her, not prepared for understanding or for acceptance. 

"You think our ways are harsh but that's how we survive."

Clarke"s eyes were still on her. Warm and full of compassion. No one ever looked at Lexa like that, as if she was a person and not a commander, as if her feelings mattered. It both confused and elated Lexa. 

Did Clarke like her too? She hadn't run from her admission or rejected her. She was still there, supporting her, working with her.

_And by the flame she is so beautiful._

"Life should be about more than just surviving. Don't we deserve better than that?"

Lexa heard her words and she was mesmerised as she absorbed them deeply. Clarke might be right.

 _Maybe I deserve to love_ Lexa thought as she watched Clarke's head turn away and then slowly back again. _Maybe we both deserve more._

"Maybe we do."

She reached for Clarke before she lost her nerve and claimed her lips and oh she tasted sweet and they both gave in to it, as if it was the most natural feeling in the world and then Clarke began to kiss her back and Lexa's heart sang as she knew then that it was reciprocated, that they had both been feeling this way. 

Clarke's hand moved to rest on her lower back and Lexa allowed herself to enjoy the kiss, to forget for a second as if the world outside didn't matter and they weren't two leaders in the midst of a war.

Lexa had not felt such emotions in such a long time. It was sweet and soft but Clarke was kissing her back and it was incredible. She drew back to graze her nose deliberately across Clarke's, wanting to change the angle, to deepen the kiss more but as she tilted her head and reached, she felt a sharp yank away and she opened her eyes and pulled back immediately. 

_That was..._

Lexa couldn't even think coherently with the taste of Clarke's still on her own. She could do little but stare at her lips yearning for more but she held back. Clarke might have changed her mind. She might regret the action.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm not ready to be with anyone. Not yet."

 _It's not a no_ Lexa thought. _She wants this too. She needs time. Would I have been okay so soon after Costia? I must wait for her._

Lexa nodded respectfully.

She would wait, for however long it took. She had never felt anything as she did in that kiss. Her heart already sang for her. She would wait. 


	8. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa march to Mount Weather, feeling hopeful only for it to end in betrayal.
> 
> Warning - This is the betrayal scene of 2x15. This story will have a happy ending but I wanted to stay as true to their journey as possible so this will be slow burn. Lexa will not die in 3x07 and canon will diverge from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Jus drein jus daun - Blood must have blood.

Clarke could not tear her eyes from Lexa. She hadn't been ready but that kiss had taken her breath away and even as she gave a speech to the grounders about the next step in their plan, her eyes kept finding Lexa's. The Commander nodded for her to continue and then stepped on near the end.

" _Jus drein jus daun_." 

As everyone around her chanted as the war painted commander's voice rang out, Clarke had never felt more a part of anything. Lexa had their respect. They would follow her to their deaths if needed and Clarke could understand feeling that way. 

"The march will be long," Lexa told Clarke, in a low voice as they headed out of the tent side by side. "But we are less likely to be seen than on horseback."

"Of course. Where will I be?"

Lexa's eyes were masked with black but something blazed behind them as bright as fire as she turned to Clarke.

"By my side."

Clarke had her gun hostered but she brushed her fingers over it absent mindedly. 

"You've nothing to fear," Lexa said. "My people will protect you."

Lexa's eyes lingered on Clarke's, a soft, dreaminess in them as she glanced down to Clarke's lips and back. Clarke found herself staring too and then Lexa shouted for everyone to start moving and headed the march herself. 

They walked for what seemed like an age, an army around them and all Clarke could see was Lexa. She snuck glances of her from time to time but always found Lexa already watching, already aware of her. 

_I like her much more than I should_ Clarke thought. _It's like I'm drunk. Oh God she's staring at me again. Does she have to look at me like that?_

There was hunger in Lexa's eyes but she was maintaining a respectful distance even if their shoulders did brush past each others from time to time. 

Waiting at the door to Mount Weather felt like an eternity. They would have a tiny window of time to get inside and Clarke wasn't known for her patience.

"Well, what do you want?"

Lexa had asked her about what she planned to do when it was over and Clarke couldn't answer. Side by side they sat together but for all her planning for the future, Clarke hadn't even thought about herself. Her people were always at the forefront of her mind. 

"You should come to the capital. It will change how you think about us."

Clarke shot a glance at Lexa who was turned away now, her jaw tightened as if asking her this was the most difficult thing in the world.

_Does she really think that I still see her that way? After everything we've been through._

"You already have," she said warmly, and she meant it. 

Their eyes locked and Clarke felt herself falling even deeper. Something about Lexa was intoxicating, even in the midst of where they were.

Lexa felt her heart stop and heard herself cry out when Clarke moved to rush forward towards the door of Mount Weather after pressing the button didn't work. When Lincoln grabbed her and shielded her with his own body she knew that she would forever be grateful to him and she ordered him to watch her as she ran towards the battle, knowing what followed was going to be bloody. 

She fought with all of her might, her people all around her as she swung her sword at reapers and Mountain Men alike. They were covered in suits, Clarke had told her that they could not live without them and so Lexa and her people targeted them, slicing them where they could but their guns were like no other weapon in their destruction and Lexa witnessed too many of her people fall. 

Only a handful of people were without suits, one of them leading the charge and when Lexa spotted him, she knew that he was the one to target and slipped as quickly as she could around his flank, taking out all those around him until she had her sword at his neck.

"Stop!" he commanded. "If you kill me then all of your people will die. My leader wants to make a deal."

"A _deal_ ," Lexa scowled, gripping the handle of her blade with white knuckle fury. "You have massacred my people, taken them and turned them into reapers for years. Why would we trust you?"

"Because skaikru has what we need. Your blood isn't necessary anymore. We need theirs. Give us skaikru and all of your people will be released and the war will be over."

Lexa didn't want to think about his offer but their missiles, their acid weapons, their guns. They could wipe out all of her people with their technology and she feared one day they might. 

_I have to take any chance at peace for my people. I cannot let more die if they do not need to._

But Clarke...

Lexa was torn like she had not been since Costia's death and having to allow Azgeda still into the coalition. 

_She will die._

_No she won't_ a stern voice told her _. She is strong. She will survive but she will hate you if she does and her people may not live through this._

 _This was a choice_ she realised _. A terrible choice. Clarke or her people. Much as she cared for Clarke she knew what Clarke herself would have chosen, what any leader must choose but would she be able to accept the consequences._

  
_Your commander's made a deal._

_But you don't care about that do you?_

_Please don't do this._

The last words Lexa had heard from Clarke that day was of her pleading for her not to betray her. She'd walked away, the image of Clarke's heartbreak and betrayal like a dagger straight to her heart. But Lexa had carried on walking as she'd known she'd had to, saying farewell to the woman that had awakened her sleeping heart again. 

  
Three Months Later

Lexa did not sleep well. In fact she hadn't since the mountain. 

"She's known as Wanheda," Titus has told her. "They are hunting her. We need to find her before Azgeda does."

 _The commander of death._ Lexa shivered at the very words, knowing that her decision to leave Clarke at the mountain was the very catalyst that had created that title.

It was so at odds from Clarke, the sky girl who had kissed her back so gently, who had seen through her mask and had always been consumed with worry for her people. Clarke had hesitated even to kill Quint after he'd tried to murder her and now she had murdered hundreds in the mountain and ended their reign. That was something even Lexa had never achieved. 

Titus feared it made Lexa appear weak in front of the clans and to some extent it did but that was not the worry that kept Lexa awake at night. It was the thought that Clarke was out there alone and that she hated Lexa.

Lexa turned over in her large bed in Polis, wondering if she would ever manage to rest properly again. She was haunted by Clarke, by her face, by her voice, by her kind smile and tender lips. She spent many a night replaying how it had felt but it was never enough. She craved Clarke. She wanted her back beside her and she knew she couldn't have it. She didn't have the right to even ask Clarke for anything. 

Not that it mattered given that no one had seen anything of Wanheda for three months. Lexa knew that she had the right to disappear if she wished but it concerned her deeply. What if Clarke was hurt or injured? She had no doubt she would survive. She was strong willed and clever enough but she didn't know their lands like they did. She didn't know their dangers.

Her lack of sleep made her foul tempered when she finally rose and dressed and entered her throne room. Titus was already advising her to act again on the Wanheda issue and would not let it go and truthfully, Lexa knew that he was right. Azgeda could not lay their hands on Clarke first. They would simply kill her. 

"Fine. Bring me the prisoner. I will send him after Clarke."

Lexa refused to call her Wanheda if she didn't need to. She disliked the name. It was a reminder of her betrayal, of her failure. She had succeeded in saving her people but at great cost. 

_I just hope she's unharmed. She may hate me but maybe I can offer her what she truly desires. Peace between our peoples. Whatever mistakes I have made she would surely not allow her anger to get in the way of that._


	9. Wanheda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa struggles with her decision but realises that she must bring Clarke to Polis before anyone else captures her and Clarke's anger reaches boiling point.

Clarke was dragged before whoever it was Roan was taking her too and even then it didn't occur to her for once second that it would be Lexa. 

When the hood was pulled off, she squinted and the first face she saw was the one that had haunted her dreams for the last three months.

 _Lexa_ she thought _, a familiar fury building up in her just at the sight of her._

She was as attractive as Clarke remembered, perhaps even more so now that she was fresh-faced. She wore a symbol on her brow and, figure hugging clothing with a pauldron high on her shoulder. Regal, commanding, those were the words Clarke would use to describe her. Also beautiful. 

Clarke listened as Lexa and Roan bargained, picking up whatever information she could. She wouldn't make the same mistake twice in trusting Lexa. She was her enemy now. 

_Prince_?

Clarke shot a look at the man who had been her captor. She'd tried to drown a Prince and had fought with him tooth and nail. Never in a million years did she mistake him for a Prince. 

"Leave us!"

Clarke stared at Lexa, a mixture of fury, disbelief and arousal flooding her. Anger won out in the end as images of the mountain came back to her. All those memories she had been trying to block out, all because of Lexa, all because she'd betrayed her. Clarke had spent months dealing with the fallout, unable even to go home for fear she could not look her own people in the eye and remember what she did. 

"You heard me."

A string of trigedasleng flowed from Lexa's lips and two guards lifted her to her feet. Clarke recognised most of the words although she didn't fully understand. Something about grabbing her? Helping her up?

"I'm sorry," Clarke felt the fabric that gagged her mouth being removed by Lexa who was almost being gentle. "But it had to be this way. I had to ensure Wanheda didn’t fall into the hands of the Ice Queen."

Clarke felt all of her anger boiling towards the surface as she heard that name again. 

_Sorry? Sorry? Is that all you have to say to me. Do you still think that we can work together as if nothing has happened between us? As if I didn't creep into bed with Niylah just to force myself to get over you._

"War is brewing, Clarke, I need you."

That was the final straw. The more gentle Lexa spoke, the more mad Clarke became until she erupted and lost all control. 

She barely even remembered later the spitting or the yelling or even being dragged away kicking and screaming like a wild animal. It was fitting. She had lived like one for months and now she was behaving like one but all she could feel was anger and nothing else even penetrated that.

She was thrown into a large room and two large doors were closed behind her. She charged at them, banging on them but they wouldn't budge and Clarke wore herself out kicking at it until her anger finally subsided.

 _Lexa. Why did it have to be Lexa_? she thought as she slid down to the floor, her back against the doors now. 

She turned her head and closed her eyes, memories of Lexa's face entering her thoughts as she'd had sex with Niylah. She'd been fortunate she didn't cry out as she was sure it wasn't Niylah's name she would've have said. Even now after everything, Clarke still had feelings for her. Only instead of being fresh and new like it was last time, it was weighted with guilt and betrayal.

  
Lexa was shaken more than she had ever been in battle. She wiped her face and turned and headed out on her balcony, worried that tears might actually prick at her eyes. She did not cry. She had not for a long time, so long she barely remembered. 

Except she did remember. It had been the first night after the mountain, when she'd been alone in her tent. She'd cried for everyone they'd lost, for everyone she couldn't save. She'd let every emotion she had been holding back flow freely and most of all she'd cried for Clarke, because she'd lost her and it was her own fault, because she was the commander, and commander's didn't get to love. They got to lead and to die for their people and that was it.

 _She truly hates me_ Lexa thought _. I have broken this. Whatever it may have become, it is broken. What must I do now? My people will expect her death but I cannot kill her. I will not_.

She remained on the balcony, alone and distraught but all of it hidden on the inside. She had to fix this somehow. She had to try. 

  
A week passed and Lexa left Clarke alone. Though she was a prisoner she was well cared for, if not persistently petulant towards her guards. Lexa wanted to give her time to think and truthfully, she needed time hereself to recentre, to decide upon the best course of action. 

An alliance was best she had concluded. Skaikru becoming a member of the kongeda would be beneficial for all. As Wanheda, she could pretend to kneel before Lexa and solidify the union. Otherwise it may never work. She had only to convince Clarke of it. That was the part Lexa was concerned about.

Finally after refusing several requests Lexa had sent her to have discussions with her, Lexa bit the bullet and entered Clarke's chambers. Clarke was gazing out of the window but turned as soon as Lexa entered and they remained distant from each other. 

She had been pragmatic, respectful. She'd acted as she knew best, like a commander and diplomat but Clarke's mood was sour and Lexa barely recognised her.

Once Clarke would have done anything for her people but Lexa found that she was running away, running from herself and what she did. Running from who she was. She acted as if she wanted no more than to be left alone and Lexa saw how much Clarke had been torturing herself with her emotions. 

The conversation got them nowhere and Lexa was even more worried than she had been when she had entered, after Clarke told her that she would never bow before her. She was angry, bitter even and Lexa believed that she meant it. Clarke had been pushed too far at the mountain and what she'd had to do had clearly changed her but Lexa could not give up on her. As Clarke turned away from her, Lexa knew that she was still in there. This was her pain talking and Lexa'd had no idea just how much she had been struggling alone with all of it. 

It came to a head when Clarke called to see her. Lexa foolishly thought it a good sign and went straight to her quarters. 

But when she entered and walked forward, she felt a blade against her throat and Lexa's heart ached, for instead of feeling fear she could only gaze into those angry blue eyes and see the pain that lay there. She didn't move and Clarke seemed more determined to kill her but could not seem to move either.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Lexa saw Clarke battle with herself and then fail, at her words, and then she turned and dropped the knife. All Lexa could feel was guilt for what she done and a wish that there was something, she could do, anything at all, to help Clarke with this but it was too late. She couldn't undo what she had done.

"I never meant to turn you into this," she admitted. "You're free to go. Your mother is here. I will have you escorted to her."

Lexa meant to leave quickly, not trusting herself not to break if she stayed a moment longer. She wanted Clarke to stay more than anything but she couldn't ask for that anymore.

"Wait."

Clarke was fighting tears, sniffing with her back turned but her voice came out almost desperate. Lexa turned, not wanting to refuse her anything in that moment.

"I have a better idea," Clarke said. "I'll kneel before you. But it means nothing. It's just for our people so that we can have this alliance."

Lexa nodded, knowing that this was hard for Clarke and glad to see a tiny shred of the woman she had so admired for her leadership and cleverness behaving more like herself again. 

"I understand Clarke. I will make the preparations."

Clarke silently nodded and Lexa thought that it was progress at least and lead Clarke to meet with her mother, both of them remaining silent as they walked through the corridors of the grand skyscraper.


	10. On My Knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke bows before Lexa as Wanheda as skaikru is accepted into the coalition and Lexa tries to make amends and show that she is genuine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations
> 
> Udon Wanheda - All done/finished Commander of Death  
> Kongeda - coalition  
> Reshop - Goodnight

"So we become the 13th Clan. Then what? What's gonna stop the Ice Nation?"

"Wanheda," Clarke answered. 

Her mother was right to be concerned. From what Clarke had learned of them Ice Nation were ruthless and ambitious, and there was no guarantee that Lexa wouldn't betray her again. 

Clarke didn't know how to feel. On one hand she didn't want to ever trust Lexa again but on the other, Lexa was her best option. 

_You don't still have feelings for her. You can't._

Clarke wished that her heart would listen to her head but it refused whenever it concerned Lexa. No one knew what had truly happened between them. Clarke hadn't said a word. She was sure however that her mom and Kane had already begun to guess that their relationship wasn't strictly platonic. 

"I'm to bow before the commander," Clarke told them. "I have to go and get ready right now for the ceremony. 

"How can we even trust her after what she did?"

Clarke had asked herself the same question but Lexa had been right when she'd said that a large part of Clarke's anger was at herself and not really at Lexa. She was deflecting her own guilt and the more she thought about it, the more she realised that she might have made the same decision under different circumstances. After all she knew exactly how hard it was to bear the burden of leadership. 

"We _have_ to," Clarke said. "The alternative is war."

Clarke's gaze drifted to an unfamiliar young grounder waiting for her at the door. No doubt Lexa had sent her to help Clarke dress for the ceremony. She was young and had dark, long hair braided back.

"I need to get ready," she told her mom. "There's no time to talk about this."

She faced the young woman.

"Lead the way."

The woman nodded, rather awkwardly and Clarke followed her, not sure that she would ever be used to her new found fame. Everywhere she went the grounders knew who she was. Even Niylah, who she had hoped wouldn't have known at all. Would she ever just be Clarke again?

A few moments later and Clarke was dressed in a dark black and silver dress. The young woman was applying makeup to her, gently brushing it around her eyes. She had already braided her hair which had taken more time than Clarke would have liked.

 _"Udon Wanheda_ ," the young woman said.

"Please call me Clarke," she muttered, opening her eyes now. 

The first sight she saw was herself in the mirror and she was stunned. She'd never had many clothes. All resources were limited on the ark. New clothes, makeup, they were luxuries and luxuries were rare for anyone, even the privileged. She'd never seen herself like this before. 

"Did Heda choose this for me?" Clarke asked. "It's beautiful."

She got no answer and so turned around but the young woman was already packing her things to leave.

"Hey, what's your name?"

The woman's eyes were lowered in fear and she didn't reply but simply excused herself. Clarke sighed. It was the same everywhere she went. People feared her. They would barely even look her in the eyes.

"Wanheda."

The voice that growled at her was deep this time and Clarke opened the door to find a large, burly bearded man waiting for her. His eyes flickered over her body with mild interest before connecting with her own.

"I am to escort you to the commander."

Clarke stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

"I'm ready."

Clarke began to walk towards the throne room, a layout she had already memorised in her head from last time as the guard hovered close by. He stopped outside the closed doors and stepped back and Clarke felt her heart thudding at the thought of facing everyone in there. She refused to be afraid. She would be proud and make it known not just to Lexa but to everyone that she was not to be pushed around. If they feared her, well hell it might even help her people. If they didn't then she would at least show them that she could hold her head high. 

Clarke did just that as the doors opened, her shoulders squared and her chin raised. She walked into a room filled with people, gliding down the middle with purpose as a woman sang nearby. Her words were ones that Clarke recognised but couldn't fully grasp but they sounded beautiful all the same and Clarke focussed entirely on maintaining her composure as she made her way to Lexa. 

_She's wearing a dress_ Clarke thought absent-mindedly _. She's beautiful. Even her face paint is different._

Clarke wondered for a second if it was usual to dress in such a way for ceremony. She'd expected warrior clothing, weapons even but this was something else. The room was lit with candles and there was a respectful hush over the room. 

She ignored the thoughts and got down on one knee before Lexa and lowered her head. Never in a million years had she thought she could do it. If it had been anyone else she couldn't have but for Lexa it felt natural. There was no one else she would have kneeled for. 

"Hail warriors of the twelve clans."

"Hail commander of the blood."

"Rise."

Clarke's heart fluttered at the softness of Lexa's voice at the last part. It sounded almost as if she was speaking only to her. 

Determined not to let her off so easy, Clarke stood up but met Lexa's eyes with a strong look to remind her that this was her own choice and not Lexa's. She saw recognition in those deep, green eyes and something else she thought too and for a few seconds everything was alright and Clarke felt like the world might actually be okay.

After Lexa announced the welcoming of skaikru into the coalition, Clarke watched how the room reacted and whether they would accept it or not. 

Clearly some people weren't happy but everyone had kneeled and no one had said anything so she felt relief flood through her. 

The relief was short lived after Kane took the brand and her people rushed into the meeting with weapons, something that was not allowed. 

It didn't take long before everyone understood what was happening. Raven was distraught on the radio. Her people have been in mount weather and Ice Nation had taken it as an affront and attacked it. Only Raven and Sinclair had survived and Clarke's fragile hope of peace began to fade as she realised that it was far from over. 

Bellamy was visibly upset and Clarke wondered just who he had lost. It was someone he cared about but she knew better than to ask at that moment. 

Lexa arrested the Ice Nation delegate and Prince Roan, and Clarke couldn't even be surprised that more attacks had happened. It had been happening since they had set foot on the ground. It was too normal to her now. 

Lexa promised to avenge the attack but Bellamy, Clarke knew that he wouldn't trust her. She walked towards him to calm him, knowing that he would listen to her at least but he only spoke to remind her of Lexa's betrayal and Clarke wondered how her people would feel if they knew that her loyalties still lay in some part with Lexa. As angry as she had been at her, just a little time earlier, she was beginning to see how much more good she could do for her people at Lexa's side rather than back at Arkadia.

Her mom was the last one she had to convince and she did at least in part. When Lexa insisted she needed an ambassador to remain behind for skaikru, her mom gave her a sharp warning look, as if she knew. She knew her daughter all too well and knew that something else was behind Clarke's decision to stay but she didn't argue and Clarke felt a weird sense of relief as all of her people left. 

  
Lexa tried not to let it show that the image of Wanheda walking towards her, had make her want to fall to her knees and swear before everyone her loyalty to Clarke. She had fallen deeper and deeper for her. It had seemed only an irrational crush at first but even with distance and time, Clarke dominated Lexa's thoughts and she knew that she was much further gone than she would care to admit. 

When Clarke kneeled, Lexa's heart almost stopped, thoughts both of love and sex flashing before her eyes at the sight of her gazing up at her so fiercly. Her eyes were dazzling behind their makeup and she looked like a true one of her people and yet still otherworldly and Lexa was reminded, not for the first time, that Clarke had fallen from the sky and was different from everyone and everything she had ever knew.

Of course the success of the skaikru's acceptance as the thirteenth clan was short-lived as they managed to cause offence within mere minutes of being admitted. Lexa would've been more angry but when she realised what Azgeda had done, she knew it was a blow and that she had to act to show that she truly supported skaikru as a member of the kongeda 

Clarke seemed calmer now, not even growing angry after it became clear her people had been attacked. Lexa allowed herself the smallest hope that Clarke may not hate her completely, that she may be able to understand her choice in time, even if she no longer believed that anything more could happen between them. 

Clarke stayed until everyone left, some of Lexa's people bringing a bowl of water and some cloth for them both to remove their makeup. They both left to change clothes at separate times and then returned, Lexa needing to arrange for scouts, troops and resources to be gathered for the impending defence of skaikru, in case another attack was planned. When it was only Titus, Clarke and herself, Lexa knew that she had to do something that night, that she had to say something to ease Clarke's fears that she couldn't be trusted. 

"Let me know as soon as the scouts come back."

Titus had been quieter than usual since Clarke's arrival, trying to calmly argue against Lexa's choice to bring her people into the alliance.

"I hope you know what you are doing," Titus warned. 

He didn't know what she had planned but he wasn't stupid and she had already seen that look of concern of Titus' face, his brow creased each time she was to be alone with Clarke. Lexa knew that he only feared for her but she couldn't change her feelings any more than she could change her fate to be the commander. Clarke was a part of her life now whether he knew it or not.

Lexa's heart pounded louder in her chest now. She knew that she had to do something to make amends. She had to start somewhere. 

"I keep asking myself how did the grounders know there was a self destruct mechanism in Mount Weather?"

Clarke who had been quietly staring away into space spoke now and Lexa turned quickly on her heel, her hands clasped behind her back.

"We'll get the answer soon Clarke. Thank you for staying."

Clarke moved forward haughtily and anger flashed in her eyes.

"I stayed because it was the right thing for my people."

"Our people," Lexa reminded her, still building up her courage mentally to do what she had planned to.

"If you ever betray me again..."

The anger had returned, Clarke's face contorted with it and Lexa couldn't stand that she was the cause of her pain.

"I won't," she said. 

_Do it. Show her how much you feel for her_.

Lexa got down on her knees before she lost her nerve, gazing up at Clarke, hoping beyond hope that Clarke didn't reject her outright. 

"I swear fealty to you, Clarke kom skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people."

Lexa had rehearsed the words in her mind a thousand times. Ever since the mountain she had thought of what she would say to Clarke, of how much she regretted it. In her mind Clarke had reacted a thousand different ways but now she seemed visibly stunned and Lexa saw that softness in Clarke, that softness she had missed and thought lost forever. 

It seemed like forever to Lexa as she knelt there but Clarke reached out her hand and Lexa took it as she helped her to her feet. It was gentle, Clarke's strong fingertips guiding her own but Lexa dared not let the touch linger. She didn't trust herself as they parted and locked eyes, with a mutual understanding between them and Lexa dared to hope for a second that Clarke may make a move to kiss her or to show that she still welcomed Lexa's affections.

Instead she didn't and it became clear to Lexa that she wouldn't.

 _I won't move first_ Lexa thought. _Not this time. I won't betray her trust in me if she is not ready. She may never be ready but I would wait forever._

Lexa blinked and then saw the wall go up between them again as Clarke drew back.

"It's getting late. I take it I have a room without bars on the window now?" Clarke asked.

 _Her sense of humour has not changed_ she thought, _fighting the urge to smile. She still prefers mockery and sarcasm._

Lexa had even missed that too. 

"I'll take you to your quarters. You can rest there until the meetings in the morning, ambassador."

They walked together, quietly until they reached her room. 

"Goodnight _Heda_ ," Clarke said as she opened the door to her new room. 

" _Reshop_ ambassador," Lexa replied.

Clarke smiled a little and it was joyous to see even a little of her spark return. Clearly she preferred the title to Wanheda and Lexa thought that she would use it again a hundred times just to see that hint of a smile again.

Clarke nodded and closed the door and Lexa knew that it was too soon to expect anything more. She stared at the closed door with an aching in her heart and yet she was filled with gladness that at least Clarke was near. At least she was safe. Even if it was tortuous not to press her lips to Clarke's every second they were in the same room. 


	11. Conflicted Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is challenged by Nia, causing Clarke to have to face some of her conflicted feelings for her and Clarke meets Aden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations

The next morning Lexa was pleased to see Clarke in the throne room with the other ambassadors. When Nia was brought before her she expected her move. Costia face flashed before her eyes, her sweet smile, her kind brown eyes. She had been beautiful and regal with brown skin and a natural elegance and Nia had taken her life from her. Even being in the same room as Nia enraged her but she pushed it down for the sake of her people. 

To see Nia in chains before her was fitting. She had brutalised so many in her reign. Lexa knew just what she was capable of.

 _She will make her move now_ Lexa thought _. Let her. I will not fear her._

Nia started to call for the removal of Lexa as Heda, as Lexa had known she would and all of the ambassadors followed and stood to denounce her.

" _Nou heda nou mou."_

_"No heda nou mou."_

It was a chorus but when they reached the last and newest ambassador, Clarke was still seated. 

"Commander, what is this?"

"It's a coup," Lexa told her. 

Nia got to her feet. 

"It's law. Her law. A unanimous vote of the ambassadors or death are all that can remove a commander from power."

"It's not unanimous," she argued. 

Lexa didn't have time to focus on how happy she was that Clarke had backed her. 

"We don't recognise the legitimacy of skaikru," Nia scoffed.

"We do..." Titus intervened. 

Lexa watched him grow more and more angry at the coup but she remained calm as he explained that Nia had been too late and that skaikru had taken the brand and been accepted. 

"She won't take our heads because she knows our armies will retaliate. None of us here wants war."

"We both know what you want Nia," Lexa hissed under her breath. 

_Power. That's all you've ever wanted._

She stepped down from her throne and walked to face Nia directly. 

"If you think me unfit to command then issue the challenge and get on with it."

"Very well. You are challenged."

"And I accept your challenge."

_She will choose her son. She will not fight herself and that will be her undoing._

As Titus announced solo gonplei to the death, Nia did as predicted and chose her son. 

Lexa seated herself slowly back down on her throne, keeping her head high and her back straight. She knew what she would do.

" _Ai laik Heda. Non na throu daun gon ai."_

The room became silent as Nia was led out in her chains back to her cell. The meeting came to an end after that. It was no point arguing more policy until their faith in her was restored. Lexa knew that. 

Clarke hovered around last but Lexa knew that she would try and talk out of it. 

"I have lessons to attend in this room," Lexa told her quickly. "If you don't mind."

The words were out before Clarke could even argue. With both Titus and Clarke clearly disagreeing with her decision she could do with a distraction and teaching was one of her most favoured duties. Clarke moved to leave but she glanced back at Lexa before she left as if it wasn't the end of it and Lexa knew that Clarke would surely try to talk her out of it later.

  
Clarke's heart was betraying her yet again. She had barely begun to process forgiving Lexa and now she was in danger. 

_Roan will kill her. He is the best fighter I've ever seen. She can't go through with this. What will happen to my people?_

Clarke was in her quarters, having spent some time in there after the meeting. She stared out of the window, not wanting to believe that her fears were because she worried for Lexa personally. She couldn't deny that her stomach had lurched the moment she had realised Lexa was in danger and that terrified her somehow.

_I have to speak to her. I have to talk her out of this. Titus will surely try first. I'll go to her in a while and try to make her see sense._

Clarke wondered if she could convince Roan not to fight but she would have to choose her words carefully, to take an angle he might listen to.

Some time later after wrestling with her thoughts for what felt like an age, Clarke decided that talking to Lexa couldn't wait. She entered the throne room again, the doors opened for her, feeling even more impatient now. The sight she found was not one she had prepared for. Lexa was surrounded by children, who were on the floor listening to her intently. Her legs were crossed and she was leaning on the arm of her throne, speaking to them as a teacher and not a commander. 

For some reason the image resonated with Clarke. She had not imagined Lexa being good with children. It didn't fit with the image she had of the ruthless commander who led an army of warriors towards the mountain. Titus was there, his mouth grimly drawn downwards.

"Have you talked her out of it yet?" she asked, hoping to find an ally in him. 

"No but maybe you can."

"I don"t understand. The Queen's not fighting. Why should Lexa?"

His mouth became even more grim it that was possible and Clarke began to realise that trying to talk to him was a mistake.

"The Queen's strength is not in doubt. Thanks to you, Heda's is."

_Oh great. He blames me for this. Yet another thing for me to feel guilty about._

As the lesson came to a close, Titus commanded them to follow him but Lexa called for one to stay behind. 

"Aden stay."

Lexa walked forward, her hands clasped behind her back and a boy with strawberry blonde hair stopped and waited patiently to one side.

"Clarke, this is Aden. Aden is the most promising of my novitiates. If I should die today, he will likely succeed me." 

Lexa smiled suddenly, with a staggering confidence in her manner and it unnerved Clarke both how easily she accepted the idea of her death and replacement, and how dazzling attractive it was to see her actually smile.

"Clarke worries about her people," Lexa contiued, still seeming pleased with herself. "Tell her what will happen to them when you become Heda, Aden."

Clarke glanced at the little boy wondering how a child could even be a commander. Was Lexa so young when she had ascended.

"If I become Heda, I pledge my loyalty to the thirteenth clan."

Clarke didn't know quite how to deal with the sweet boy who seemed too young to command anything let alone thirteen warring clans. 

"Thank you. Now go join the others."

Aden left without another word and Clarke was still stunned. 

_Oh God. She planned all of this. She actually made him promise just so that she could present him to me and make me feel better._

Clarke didn't know whether to feel concerned or flattered that Lexa had gone to such lengths. She certainly didn't do anything by halves. 

Lexa raised a brow and smiled boldly. 

"See. Nothing to worry about."

_Is she serious? Is that why she thinks I'm worried?_

"I’m sorry if I’m worried the fate of my people lies in the hands of a _child_ ," Clarke retorted. 

Lexa seemed irritated suddenly but not surprised at her reaction. 

"Then you worry for nothing. I’ve sent Indra to raise an army from the villages near Arkadia. Your people are protected, as I vowed they would be."

She turned away and started walking towards her throne and Clarke wanted her desperately to sense.

_What about you? Does she not care about herself at all?_

Clarke chased after her.

"This is not just about my people," she said, as Lexa turned back to her. "You don’t stand a chance against Roan.

Lexa's lips tightened at her words and her features steeled over.

"You’ve never seen me fight," she growled back. 

This isn't about your pride Clarke wanted to tell her. I don't want you to die.

"No. But I saw him kill three men in the time it took the first one to hit the ground."

_Please listen to me._

"If you’re right, today’s the day my spirit will choose it’s successor and you need to accept that."

_Oh she's so stubborn. The most stubborn person..._

Clarke leaned in to make her point.

"Like hell I do," she whispered. 

She stormed out determined to find a way to stop it somehow leaving Lexa staring after her. 

All Lexa could think was that Clarke sounded almost like she still cared, like she was afraid for her. Did she still care? Was there still something there between them?

Either way she would not stop the fight from happening. Lexa only feared how far she might go in trying. 


	12. An Astronaut on the Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven makes a reckless choice and gets captured by a familiar face as a hidden threat rises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some major canon divergence from this chapter onwards. While Clexa will still be fairly canon until 3x07 but Raven's journey diverges here.

Raven Reyes had lost more than most people. First her mom, then her first love and more recently the full use of her leg. It still worked but it was difficult. It ached if she overused it. It tired quicker and she felt far less able to be active than she had been used to and she had always been a hands on person.

Arkadia had changed it's name from Camp Jaha. Wick had moved on from their fling after Raven had refused to commit and half of her people were no longer even there. Murphy, Clarke, Octavia, Bellamy. They were barely around, even the ones that had stayed. 

The explosion at Mount Weather still haunted her dreams. She wasn't supposed to be outside Arkadia alone, traipsing around by herself, but she needed space. 

So she was in the woods, having used Octavia's secret escape routes out. That girl had some serious skill when it came to finding ways to escape and crawling through tiny spaces. 

She dragged her leg and then hopped a little. 

"See," she said to herself. "I don't need to rest it."

But Abby had been right about her overworking it and she felt a sharp pain searing through her nerves.

"Damn Murphy," she muttered, remembering the bullet that had been the cause of her spinal injury. 

A knife suddenly pressed to her throat.

"Don't move," a voice hissed. 

"Some choice I have," Raven replied bitterly. 

"There's always a choice," a female voice replied. "But listening to me would be a wise one."

She felt the belt where her weapon lay being unfastened and falling to the floor and it was kicked away, into a thick, nearby undergrowth. 

"Start walking. Face forward."

"Why? Where are we going?"

"Just do it Raven Reyes."

Raven wondered how she knew her name but did as she was told and started walking through the woods. 

"In there."

Raven couldn't see anything and the woman behind her grew impatient and kicked at a shrub with her foot to reveal a cave entrance.

"You want me to crawl into that place?"

"Now!"

Raven sighed.

"Geez, fine. Wow you're bossy."

She pushed aside the foliage and climbed in, finding it larger inside than she expected. Once inside she found a campfire that had been put out and a makeshift bed of furs. There were discarded bloodied rags lying in a pile nearby. 

"Sit sky girl."

Raven did as instructed, sitting on a stone ledge. When she turned she saw a figure, covered in thick, fur clothing, her face covered with a black of paint and her hair dark blonde falling like a crown of waves around her shoulders. She had high cheek bones and dark eyes and wore a band of black fabric studded with metal around her forehead. 

"You're Anya, the one who met with Clarke that day I blew the bridge up."

Anya scowled at her and opened her furs to reveal a scarred abdomen. It looked as if something vicious had attacked her. She had bloodied claw marks across her torso.

"Quiet!"

"Clarke said you died. She even took your braid to Lexa. You were shot in the back. Believe me I know how much that sucks."

The woman glared at her intensely and surged forward so that they were eye to eye, her face mere inches from Raven's own.

"You blew up that bridge. You are lucky I do not kill you. As for dying. I was injured but I learned a long time ago to play dead and escape while the enemy is distracted. Between your people, the Maunon and Azgeda, I've had to fight my way to safety and stay hidden for months. I could not even reach my own people."

"Hey you attacked us first. We were trying to make peace. Clarke wanted a truce. She said you had been willing to take her to the commander."

Anya's brows raised a little but were still low, her face giving nothing away.

"The commander still lives?"

"Well, yeah," Raven said, making a face. "Right before she betrayed us. She admitted us into your coalition as the thirteenth clan. Clarke is in Polis working with her right now."

Anya seemed deep in thought now as she lowered her eyes. 

"So it worked. She reached Lexa. That is good news at least. What of the mountain? I saw smoke."

Raven felt that sadness rise in her chest again, as she thought of Gina and everyone they had lost there. 

"The mountain men were mostly wiped out by Clarke and Bellamy months ago. The Ice Nation took offence to us using it and blew it up. I barely got out alive. We lost some people."

Anya glanced up at her as if trying to work out if she was telling the truth or not.

"Is that how you hurt your leg?" she asked. 

_Here it comes. That pitying look. The pep talk. The optimistic outlook I should have._

"No," Raven growled back. "I got shot in the spine. My nerve was damaged and the leg doesn't work the same."

Anya's lips curved a little but her face was a mask of seriousness.

"The mountain men shot you?"

"No. One of my own people. He was aiming for someone else."

Raven saw no pity in her eyes, only steel and for a second she warmed to her. Few people knew how to react to her injury, often treating her differently now.

"I need to get a message to Polis," Anya said. "I saw you fixing the radio. You know how it all works?"

"Yeah. I can get you a radio working and send it in no time. Is that why you kidnapped me."

"No, we can't use the radio. I need you to drive that metal vehicle of yours somewhere. There is a threat we need to deal with first. I need someone with your knowledge."

Raven didn't understand anything except that Anya had been watching them all for some time. 

"Why? Where are we going?"

"Away from here," Anya muttered. "Something is changing here and I can't let you fall into their hands."

Raven frowned.

"You're serious. You want me to trust you?"

"This isn't about our clans Raven. This is about everyone. Your people are in danger and so are mine and only we can stop it."

"In danger from what?"

"Another _Praimfaya_ ," Anya told her. "We must stop it."


	13. Baited Breaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa fights Roan and is pleased when Clarke attends, leading to a late night visit to her quarters, while Anya and Raven find unexpected trouble on their route to Polis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Jus drein jus daun - Blood must have blood  
> Reshop Heda - Goodnight commander

When Clarke appeared before Lexa with black blood staining her face she was seemed both embarassed at her failure to stop Nia and afraid for Lexa. 

They had argued and Clarke'd learned that black blood was a part of the commander's heritage. 

"I won't just sit there and watch you die."

Clarke's words had been strong and full of emotion and Lexa had wondered why she was so concerned for her safety. Had she not reassured her enough about her succession and how it would affect her people?

Clarke stormed out and Lexa only hoped that she would at least attend the fight. She was keen to show Clarke her prowess as a warrior. She had trained for most of her life and it was one skill that Lexa had always excelled at. 

  
Later as she readied herself for the battle, applying her war paint, taking the time to refocus, her thoughts wandered to Clarke and that moment they had finally kissed. It took her breath away, the memory of soft lips pressed to her own. She yearned for more and had thought each night about just knocking on Clarke's bedroom door and taking her in her arms and giving her all that she had. 

_Maybe with this fight she will see that I am worthy to be by her side. Maybe she will understand what I would have risked if I hadn't make that decision at Mount Weather._

When she entered the arena, there were cheers and the banging of drums but she did not see Clarke. She felt a deep sense of disappointment but continued on, readying herself for battle. As the event was announced and she stood beside Prince Roan, she turned to a sword bearer and saw a blonde, hooded figure push through the crowd. Her eyes lit up as Clarke took down the hood and met her gaze.

 _She actually came_ Lexa thought with elation. _She came to support me._

"I'm glad you came," Lexa said to her.

Clarke nodded, worry still evident on her face.

"Me too."

Lexa drew the sword feeling energized by her appearance and no soon had she done so than she had to spin to deflect Roan's blade. 

The fight was easy at first. Lexa was used to this kind of battle. Anya had trained her well. It soon became clear however, that Roan was more skilled than the average warrior. Lexa decided a bluff would be necessary. She would allow him to think he was winning and then take her victory. At first she made it seem as if she gained the upper hand and her moves were more for show than for practicality but then she let him knock her weapons from her and knock her to her back. She waited, well aware that one mistake could mean her death. As he raised the spear, Lexa ignored the wound on her hand and the black blood dripping from her nose and waited. 

When the time was right, she moved swiftly, avoiding the blade and kicking Roan's legs out from under him. She moved into action, doing a handspring away as he swiped at her and attacking with a flurry of movement. She disarmed him quickly and he never even had a chance to defend himself as she swung his own weapon up and thrust a heavy blow on his dark, stubbled jaw. 

He fell back, dazed and helpless as she held the spear at his throat and she heard Nia yell insults towards him about his cowardice. Even now in his possible last moments, she showed no affection or care for him.

Lexa had been waiting for this moment for a long time. 

"Get it over with," Roan rasped, too proud to beg for his life.

Lexa admired his bravery, respecting him for his loyalty to his people right up to the end.

" _Jus drein jus daun_ ," she said.

She threw all her rage and grief at Costia's murder into the throw and launched the spear at Nia where she was seated, impaling her instantly. 

Roan turned his head to see and then stared up at Lexa.

"The Queen is dead!" she yelled. "Long Live the King."

The crowd erupted and Lexa was triumphant. She raised her chin but when she searched through the crowd, there was only one face she was looking for and she found it. It was Clarke's, relieved and somewhat impressed. Lexa felt her heart soar. She had gotten justice for Costia and for Clarke's people in one fell swoop. 

Lexa didn't see Clarke again until after dark but when she did, she made sure she had bathed and that her hair was down and she was freshly bandaged. Lexa wanted to make the best impression she could and she wasn't ashamed to admit that she had chosen a dress that would accentuate her more feminine features too, on the mild hope that Clarke might respond to it.

She knocked on the door to her chambers that evening and Clarke opened it, dressed in a long, flowing blue gown, her hair washed and brushed. Lexa's pulse raced at the sight of her, her mouth becoming dry. She had to admit, that their clothing suited Clarke. She wore them well. 

"Is this 'I told you so'?" Clarke asked, almost in a whisper.

The husk of her voice made Lexa want to shiver but her words indicated that Clarke still thought criticism the first natural response to her decisions. Lexa got the impression that her mistakes were often thrown back at her, rather than forgiven and that Clarke had come to expect such treatment.

 _Is this how she is repayed for her leadership?_ Lexa thought. _Do they never give her any praise and so she expects anger at each turn?  
_

"No, this is thank you," she replied.

Clarke blinked and her brows raised in a manner that Lexa found too adorable. 

"Come in," she said.

Lexa entered but she had never been more nervous in the presence of anybody in her life and when Clarke took her injured hand and lifted it, she couldn't calm her racing pulse.

"Let me change that for you," Clarke said, after frowning at the bandage.

 _Of course,_ Lexa thought _. She merely wants to attend to my wound._

She sat down quietly as Clarke moved to grab some fabric and it reminded her faintly of when Clarke had tended her shoulder after the Pauna and she knew that the activity seemed to calm the blonde. 

_Still a healer at heart_ she thought. _She is suited to this role more than any I think._

"The girl with Nia, Ontari? What will happen to her?"

Clarke unwound the bandage carefully as she spoke.

 _Maybe there's one role she's more suited to_ Lexa thought more seriously. _A leader._

She had hoped that Clarke wouldn't worry about that Ontari had turned out to be a Natblida and therefore a potential commander. But of course, Clarke had not forgotten.

"She won't be back until the conclave after my death."

Clarke's brows rose suddenly and then fell again as she smiled a little. It was a weak smile but there a hint of something warmer there than she had seen in a long time. 

"Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?"

Lexa smiled at the joke. How like Clarke to tease her for that? It made the situation seem lighter somehow but she hadn't gone to Clarke's quarters for that. She had truly wanted to show her gratitude for her support.

"Thank you for backing me," she said, finding the words sticking in her throat.

Clarke was looking down, winding the fabric around her hand. 

"I was just doing what was right for my people."

Her words hit Lexa like a boar to the gut. 

Of course this is only political for her. Why would you even think that it could be more? It was foolish to even hope. She felt Clarke press once on her hand, a slight touch to indicate that she was done and then she moved away and Lexa wanted nothing more than to reach for her again. Instead they both had their hands placed in their laps.

"Your ambassadors betrayed you. How do you move forward?" Clarke asked.

Lexa lifted her head immediately.

Oh she does not understand yet. She hasn't realised that there are no true enemies in war.

"They were doing what they thought were right for the people too."

Lexa knew that there was a double meaning in her words and that Clarke would interpret them as being about the mountain and her own betrayal. Lexa meant that too but politics were not that simple. You had to move beyond personal offences. If she worried about every ambassador who had betrayed her, then she would likely have no coalition at all. It was an unsteady alliance but it was better than war. Clarke had to understand that.

Lexa thought that she did as she turned her head away and stood up. 

_"Reshop Heda,_ " she said, signalling that she didn't want to talk about it further.

Lexa understood the signal. It was still too soon for Clarke. She gazed at Clarke, longing for nothing more than Clarke to claim her as her own and take her to the nearby bed and have her way with her.

Instead she just stood up, maintaining a respectful distance even though Clarke was staring back at her now with expectation as if she thought Lexa might kiss her.

"Goodnight ambassador," she said, a wistful tone to her voice. 

She passed by Clarke who turned around just as Lexa was grabbing the door. Lexa couldn't resist gazing back at her, silently begging for Clarke to ask her to stay. If she asked her to stay, she would probably never leave her side. But Clarke said nothing even though her eyes were bright with interest and so Lexa left. 

"So let me get this right," Raven said as she turned the key in the ignition of the rover as Anya was seated beside her. "You have seen my people eating some computer chip that takes away their memories and free will and makes them think everything is great and you think they are planning another _praimfaya_?"

"I know how it sounds," Anya growled. "I heard them talking about another catastrophe that would burn the world. It's why they think people would be better without knowing about it."

"And what if we can't stop it?" Raven asked, the engine purring as it came to life.

Anya shot a glance at her.

"We will but if we can't then at least we will have tried. I would rather try and fail than become what they have."

"And what about the one's who've already taken this chip thing? How do we help them?"

"You will help them, by shutting down whatever technology they are using to control them."

Raven sighed.

"Well I guess there's not much of a choice with you holding me at knife point. Where do we go?"

"There is a bunker," Anya said. "Hidden under Polis. We only need reach it without being seen and you can work from there. Everything you need to know would most likely be there."

"Hmm.." Raven said. "Sounds like you don't even know what's in there. Could be a big pile of nothing down there."

"It is one of our sacred places," Anya argued, "and is said to hold all former knowledge of our people. Few even _know_ of it's existence."

"Whatever, cheekbones," Raven said. "If we are gonna go, lets go."

Anya glared at her with deep offense.

" _Cheekbones_? Your people have no respect at all. Might I remind you that I don't know how to work this device. You are the one driving."

Raven shook her head.

"Cool. All I heard was _go_."

She took off the handbrake and pressed the accelerator, glad to be doing something she could enjoy at least and didn't mind admit that she took more than a little pleasure each time Anya grumbled at the shaking of the car whenever she went a little too fast, or the tires rode over uneven ground.

  
Twenty minutes later and they were both stood at the side of a damaged Rover, the solar panels, broken and the tires punctured.

"I told you to slow down," Anya growled. 

"Hey," Raven yelled, "It's not my fault your people left spikes all over the place and damaged the tires."

She threw her hand towards the sharpened, wooden culprits that lay in front of them on the road. Anya saw them and her anger soon became concern as her eyes widened.

"Spikes?" she said, glancing around. "Quick!"

Anya grabbed Raven suddenly, just arrows started firing towards the broken down vehicle. She pushed her into the forest, leading her hurriedly away. Raven didn't argue as Anya ran in front of her and she tried to follow, dodging arrows at every turn. But Raven's leg couldn't keep up. The more they ran, the more it began to ache until it failed her and she fell with a cry. Anya turned back and grabbed her, her arms around Raven's waist to lift her up and help her escape. 

"Look out!" Anya called, suddenly pushing Raven down and landing on top of her. 

She shielded her with her body and Raven could do nothing but wait in fear, an arrow narrowly missing both their heads and several more hitting the ground around them. One hit Anya's back and Anya cried out but then dragged Raven up and grabbed her hand. She led her to a dead end but then fumbled in the ground for a handle and pulled up a square wooden hatch. 

"Climb down," Anya said. "They will not find us here."

Raven hurried down the ladder, collapsing onto a makeshift bed in the corner. Anya leapt down after her, closing the hatch and then pressed a finger to her lips, glancing upwards. 

Several pairs of feet stomped across the ground above them and Raven glanced around her. They were in an underground shelter, dug out of the ground and fortified with wood. It looked barely used but there were supplies, food, water skins and weapons. It was clearly meant for grounders to hide out in, if they got into trouble.

She glanced at Anya who snapped off the end of the arrow and pushed it all the way through. She barely made a sound as she reached for a pile of clay and pressed it to the wound after removing the arrow. She bound it up tight with fabric that lay around the space and Raven wondered how she did it. She was quiet even though it was obviously agony. She was perhaps one of the strongest women that Raven had ever met. 

"They are gone," Anya said, with relief. "Some of them were my people. Jaha got them too."

"Jaha's been giving people the chip?" Raven asked.

"Yes," Anya said panting. "Light that fire. I need to mix up some herbs to cleanse the wound until a healer can attend to it."

Raven glanced at the pile of logs and tinder to burn in the centre of the room and Anya just raised a brow at her. 

"You can make fire can't you _skai girl_ or do you need me to teach you."

Raven rolled her eyes and took out the little metal lighter she'd made herself out of scrap. She flicked it and a flame appeared and she held it to the logs and tinder until it caught fire.

She made a face at Anya.

"I can make fire _cheekbones_. I can make a lot of things that you can't even dream of."

Anya's gaze lowered suddenly as if she was reassessing what she had thought about Raven but she didn't say a word more. 


	14. Feels Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has some interesting dreams and a pleasant ride with Lexa that is interrupted abruptly and Anya and Raven spend the night recovering.

Lexa rained kisses down the side of Clarke's neck. 

_This is a dream_ Clarke thought. _I have to be dreaming._

She was but she didn't care. Long, chestnut brown hair tickled Clarke's bare skin as Lexa mouthed over the side of her neck. Clarke groaned, uttering Lexa's name as she gave herself to the sensation. 

When she opened her eyes, deep green eyes were staring down at her and Lexa was a vision if beauty, her lips wide and with a crooked smile. 

"Just admit that you want me," Lexa said, her voice hushed and flirtacious. 

"I can't," Clarke told her. "You hurt me."

She saw the smile disappear and Lexa's face transform into that of the dirtied, masked one of the commander outside Mount Weather.

"You would have done the same," Lexa simply said. "You know it's true."

Clarke bolted awake, simultaneously, aroused and confused. Since Mount Weather it wasn't unusual for the event to torment her dreams, nor was Lexa never a part of them but they had been getting more sexual of late and she sometimes found herself wanting to return to the better parts of them after she woke. She rubbed her neck, almost imagining she could feel Lexa still, even if it was still a dream. 

_Last night didn't help_ she thought. _Lexa fighting like that and then showing up at my door, looking like that._

For a second Clarke had thought she was going to actually kiss her and she hadn't been sure that she would even stop her.

 _I'm acting like some lovesick idiot_ she thought. _Get it together Clarke. You have to travel home today? Is it even home now? Can I even call it that?_

Clarke glanced around at her surroundings. She couldn't help but admit that Lexa had made her very comfortable in Polis. A nice room, a big bed, clean clothes, baths. 

That was one Clarke's favourite new things. Water had been so limited on the Ark that showers were short and limited to once daily. She'd never felt anything so glorious as the warm bath they'd drawn up for her just after she'd arrived. 

She dressed and packed her things early, hoping that the trip went well. She expected to be the earliest when she got to the horses but everyone else were already waiting for her.

"Am I late?" Clarke asked Lexa, who was dressed for travel, a regal red hood covering her hair.

"No," Lexa said, caressing the side of one of the horse's noses. "We have just finished setting up the arrangements."

Lexa's eyes darted behind them to the wagon carrying the prepared body of the Ice Queen. For one of Lexa's enemies, she had shown some respect in the preparations. Clarke knew how much Lexa had been hurt by what Nia had done to Costia and that it must have took some strength to put that aside for duty.

They both smiled at each other gingerly, not enough for other's to see but enough that they could see.

"This is Breida and Skaifaya. They are to be our horses for the journey. You will be riding Skaifaya and so I would like to gift her to you for the future."

"What?" Clarke said, her face lighting up and a smile forming on her lips. "You're giving me a horse. I can't take her."

"Yes you can," Lexa told her, patting Bredia gently. "It is customary for gifts of horses to be given to honoured guests at Polis and it will help you to have a horse of your own for travelling."

"Thank you. I don't know what to say. Can I leave her here when I need to? I don't know anything about caring for a horse."

"Of course. That was my intention. I can teach you in time but all of our horses are well cared for. They are treasured by our people."

Clarke reached out to stroke the nose of her new horse, a little afraid at first. 

"Here," Lexa said, taking her hand and placing it there. "She will not harm you."

"Before coming to Earth I'd only seen horses in pictures. Thank you Lexa. You taught me how to ride when we first met and you were right. It's definitely something I needed to learn."

Neither of them had moved, Lexa's hand still on top of Clarke's. They were close, so close and it felt so intimate. 

"Heda. We are ready to move."

They both moved apart as if someone had struck them. 

" _Mochof_ Jona," Lexa replied. 

He glanced between them but said nothing, turning away and heading back to the other grounders.

"We should go," Lexa said.

Clarke nodded and they both mounted their horses which were side by side, Clarke able to do so easily now. She glanced at Lexa in acknowledgment, thanking her silently that she did not look so foolish doing the task anymore and Lexa gave the command to start moving, her voice ringing out loud and clear among her people.

They rode in mostly silence for quite some time, making light conversation but as they neared Arkadia, Clarke was pensive. 

"Thinking about home?" Lexa asked.

"Thinking about whether Arkadia is home. When I left, it had a different name. I was different."

"You left a hero to your people and you return one. The mountain slayer returns with the body of the Ice Queen. You bring them justice."

"You bring them justice."

"We bring them peace."

Clarke saw that confident smile on Lexa's lips again and couldn't help herself from staring. Lexa was incredible. Every second that she was in her company, she felt stronger, lighter and more like herself than ever. 

They smiled at each other secretly, unable to keep their eyes from each other but then they both stopped as they reached the massacre.

  
Raven awoke on the bed of furs with Anya laying next to her. She was on her back, her hand over her wound and Raven thought that she almost seemed peaceful when she slept, her hard features softened in rest. 

Raven sat up and stretched out her legs, rubbing her injured one to try and ease it. Abby had taught her muscle exercises to start the day with and she glanced at Anya. 

_She's almost attractive_ she thought.

She noticed Anya's dagger and reached over slowly but a hand clasped onto her own and Anya opened her eyes.

"I'm a light sleeper," she said. "Don't even think about it."

"Light sleeper. You snore," Raven scoffed.

Anya sat up, checking under her bandages to see if the bleeding had eased. 

"I do not snore."

"Yeah you do," Raven said. "We headed to Polis today."

Anya raised her head and sighed.

"No. I need supplies first and a healer."

Raven rubbed her leg and noticed Anya glancing at her.

"Here," Anya said. "Let me help you with that.""we 

Raven shot a look at her. 

"No way. I can massage my own leg thank you."

"I have experience with battle injuries. Do you wish to continue in pain?"

"No offense but if Abby doesn't know how to help me how do you?"

"We have our tricks too and we deal with war wounds much more frequently on the ground than you probably did in the sky."

Raven threw up her hands. 

"Fine have at it. Maybe then you'll shut up about it."

Raven leaned back and Anya reached over and began to rub her muscles up and down her leg. She was wearing shorts, her pants thrown aside in the night when she'd become too hot. 

"Wow that actually feels wow..."

Anya's hands were strong as they moved over her skin and Raven began to feel a stir of arousal flood through her. She reached for Anya suddenly wanting to sate her appetite but Anya pulled back.

"Raven," she said. "That is not why I did this. I meant only to help."

She sounded almost gentle as she spoke and Raven, much as she wanted to be offended, God help her she found it almost sweet. 

"Alright alright," Raven said. "We should get moving soon. Where's this place?"

"Absolutely not Clarke."

Lexa's mood had noticably soured since they'd found Indra injured and her people massacred. Clarke understood it. Much as she pretended to stay strong, Clarke knew how much she cared for them and how it broke her heart to see what had been done to them. 

They had been arguing for some time. Octavia had arrived and told Lexa that she could get Clarke inside safely but Lexa had dismissed everyone from the tent and was refusing the idea outright.

"I get that you want to protect me but I can't do nothing and this is the best solution to avoid war. You know that."

"Fine," Lexa said, "but please be careful."

Clarke touched Lexa's shoulder gently. 

"I will. I have no intention of not coming home with you."

Something changed in Lexa's eyes at her words. 

"So Polis is your home?" she asked.

"For the time being," Clarke said. "As long as I'm the ambassador it is I guess."

Lexa's eyes searched her own as if trying to figure out if what she truly meant.

 _You feel like home_ Clarke wanted to tell her. 

"I should go. Octavia is waiting. Thanks for letting me do this. I won't fail."

Lexa nodded but she seemed so concerned that Clarke felt almost guilty for worrying her. 


	15. Breaking Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa must decide what to do after the massacre but Clarke suggests a new way of doing things might be in order and Anya begins to understand Raven more. 
> 
> Warning - Smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Mochof - Thank you  
> Shof op - shut up

Lexa knew from the moment Clarke walked back into her tent that it hadn't gone well. She surprised Indra by acknowledging skaikru's blame and that their people had every right to retaliate. She was learning more about diplomacy each day and Lexa could see that she meant it.

But then Clarke asked her not to retaliate. She persuaded her that they could do better than to keep hitting back with 'blood must have blood'. 

Lexa listened. She knew that their guns would be difficult to beat. Indra had told her as much and Indra didn't suffer from a lack of courage or common sense. She knew that Clarke was desperate, standing as one person between her people and their complete annihalation. Even if Arkadia won and the kongeda didn't, more of her people would die, the alliance would fall apart and any remaining clans would remain at war with skaikru. There were no good options. 

She turned away, at Clarke's suggestion closing her eyes. It had always been the way of her people. She would suffer great criticism for it. Potentially even more of a challenge to her leadership. She paced across the room, as she had been doing the entire time Clarke was gone. Clarke followed her, relentless in her desperation to save everyone.

"You say you want peace and everything you've done was to achieve that but here we stand on the brink of another war, a war you could stop."

 _She's right_ Lexa thought suddenly, a realisation washing over her. _This will never end if we continue down this path and someone has to have the strength to do this._

"Commander, you can't seriously be considering this."

Lexa knew that Indra would not like it but if she made this choice she had to make it completely and live with the consequences. She couldn't accept any challenges to her leadership and she had decided.

"I'm not considering it," she said, transfixed by Clarke's searching eyes staring back into her own. "I'm doing it."

"Heda please," Indra implored. 

"Indra, our people act as if war is easier than peace. If that's so should we not try and achieve the more difficult goal."

"Polis will not support you. Titus-"

Lexa saw red at the sound of his name. He had been more critical than usual of late, his constant words of warning against Clarke draining her, frustrating her. 

"Titus is my subject. They're all my subjects! Are you saying they will defy me? Will you defy me?"

She stared into Indra's eyes a challenge in her own. She didn't want to act like this. Indra was someone she respected more than almost anyone else when it came to advice about politics but she could not tolerate defiance from anyone, not if her plan was going to work.

"No Heda, I will not."

Indra meant her words, Lexa knew that. She was the most honest and honourable of all her warriors. 

"Then let it be known," Lexa said turning to Clarke now. "Blood must not have blood."

Clarke nodded silently and the sense of relief that Lexa saw there showed how much the it meant to her for Lexa to take such action. But Lexa hadn't done it only for Clarke. She knew that there was sense in her words. Her people engaged in battle after battle because of one injustice or another. It resulted in more and more deaths and peace was never found. Lexa knew that to continue with the same action would bring her the same results as it always had. Even if her people didn't understand it yet, she was doing it to find a better way for all of them. 

Indra left her tent not long after and Clarke and Lexa were alone.

"How is she?" Clarke asked. "Indra? She was wounded pretty badly. Someone as active as her might find it difficult being out of action for a while."

"She is struggling with it. You are right. She hates being idle but my healers are working to help as much as they can. It is a miracle she survived at all."

"I don't know how to say sorry for this," Clarke told her. "My people, I never believed..." She shook her head to the side and then lifted it. "Bellamy didn't want to know. He may have convinced Pike to spare Indra but he's fallen for his lies."

"Don't blame yourself," Lexa said. "Grief can do that to even the best of people. There's hope for him yet and for your people. We will decide when we get to Polis the best course of action."

Clarke's mouth twitched as if she wanted to say more to Lexa but couldn't bring herself to speak.

"We will need to ride back immediately," Lexa said. "We will have little time to rest so I would suggest you get a few hours now."

"What about you?"

Lexa's heart warmed at Clarke's concern for her wellbeing.

"I will rest later. I have a lot of messages to send to the clan leaders to explain this position."

"Okay," Clarke said softly. "See you on the ride back."

Clarke lingered for a second and Lexa fantasised about Clarke kissing her. She dreamt of that moment again. Their eyes remained locked until Clarke turn away with a sigh and walked out. Lexa swallowed, wondering how long she could ignore the racing of her pulse and the desperate urge to reach out to Clarke and press their lips together and take her body in sweet ecstasy.

  
"This is the place?" 

Raven sat down on the bed as Niylah hurried to tend to Anya's arrow wound. 

"So she's not a healer," Anya said. "She's good enough at it. She can clean and stitch it enough."

"Whatever you say cheekbones."

Raven rolled her eyes and glanced around the room but something on the dresser caught her eye. It was a sketch in charcoal of a black panther. Raven picked it up.

"Clarke was here? This is her work. Is this where she was when she left?"

Niylah glanced up, wiping Anya's wound with a wet cloth. 

"She was injured from time to time while hunting. She came here to trade and to be tended."

Raven threw the drawing down and strode over.

"Oh yeah. Clarke knows how to tend to her own injuries. Her mom is a fucking doctor. Why would she come to you?"

Niylah didn't seem fazed by her outburst. 

"She was alone," Niylah simply said. "You can figure out the rest."

Raven was suddenly less sure of herself. She'd been angry that Clarke had disappeared and left her, that she hadn't come to her friends when she needed them.

Niylah finished up and got to her feet.

"You can both stay here tonight. I am watching the front until dawn."

" _Mochof_ ," Anya replied. 

Niylah glanced at Raven again then exited the room and Raven sat back down on the bed. Anya was across from her, wearing no shirt, her breasts only covered with loose bindings. 

"Why are you angry?" Anya asked, rotating her shoulders and testing out her arm movements.

"Why are you doing that? You were hit in the back not the shoulder."

"My shoulder's are stiff. Stop deflecting. So Clarke came to Niylah for a little comfort. Many have done the same."

Raven narrowed her eyes, pouting now.

"You want to talk to me about comfort. You rejected me. I might've wanted some comfort. It sounds like you found comfort with Niylah too."

Anya laughed suddenly.

"No, Niylah is not my type at all. I have known her since she was a child. Her father was trikru. It would be strange."

"So you don't like women. Why didn't you just tell me that?"

Anya glared at her.

"I do like women but you were not after comfort. You wanted to fuck me to forget your pain and then run away the next morning. We both know that. That is not comfort, that's using sex to flee your problems."

Raven turned her head away, pouting now and Anya sighed and sat down next to her on the bed.

"I do like women," Anya said softly. "But I have sex because I want to and because it is a mutual pleasure."

They became quiet as Raven refused to look at her.

"Just not with me huh?" Raven retorted. "Not with the enemy right?"

"What are you afraid of Raven Reyes?"

"What?" Raven asked, snapping her head around. "I'm not scared."

Anya was gazing right at her now.

"You are. But of what I'm not sure."

"Everyone leaves," Raven said. "Eventually they leave and I get left behind."

"So you leave first," Anya said. 

Raven nodded, her eyes cast low. She suddenly felt deft fingers touching her chin, lifting it and until her eyes were locked with Anya's. A mouth pressed onto her own and Raven for once didn't know what to say. Anya drew back, the taste of her still fresh on Raven's lips. 

"I don't like being called cheekbones," she said. "It feels racist." 

Raven drew in her breath as Anya slowly ran her forefinger across her temples and down to her cheek. 

"Don't call me that again."

Raven nodded, too focussed on what she was feeling and she reached and pulled her top off over her head. Anya unbuttoned her trousers and slid them off as Raven removed her own. 

They fell onto the bed moments later on, Anya on top of Raven, kissing her like her life depended on it. Raven pushed Anya's hair back, wrapping her hands around her shoulders and drawing her closer. 

"If we do this," Anya said, "no running away in the morning. I am not one of those weak sky men you fuck and ditch."

"Got it," Raven mumbled, her lips connecting with the side of Anya's neck as her hands roamed over her strong warrior's body.

Anya nipped the side of Raven's neck and growled. She cupped Raven's face, her hands on either side of it, her stare intense. 

"I mean it. I do not want to have to hunt you down. We still have a mission to complete."

"Talk dirty to me why don't you," Raven replied, with a grin.

" _Shof op_ ," Anya groaned, kissing her again as they sank in the bed together. 

Moments later, Anya's thigh was between Raven's leg and the brunette had her head back on the pillow moaning, her own thigh between Anya's legs. 

Anya rode her until she came harder than she ever had before and until Anya's body tensed and then let go until she fell on top of Raven. They separated and both lay on their backs. 

"See," Anya said, patting Raven's thigh. "Still here."

Raven just smiled at her, watching as Anya just fell asleep. 


	16. Can't Let You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa try to say their goodbyes after Lexa is forced to blockade skaikru but neither of them can let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Smut. May be Explicit

Lexa didn't know how to comfort Clarke. Since Emerson had showed up in a box and leapt at her, she had been angry, the memory of Mount Weather driving her to distraction. 

And then there was the picture. Clarke had drawn her, had comforted her and when she had found the picture and looked into Clarke's eyes there had been something else there, something Lexa had only ever hoped to see. 

Lexa's concern for Clarke turned out to be for nothing as she made the right choice and spared Emerson after all. Lexa had hoped she would. If her people were to accept the new rule, then they must lead by example and Clarke was no exception. 

The people seemed willing to follow until a few of them asked to see her on Acension Day. She was in the throne room, Clarke stood as an ambassador at the corner of the room and one of them brought Octavia before her calling for justice. Lexa doubted that Octavia was lying about not trying to kill their people. She seemed the type not to shy from her choices and from what Indra had told her of her skill, if Octavia had wanted to kill someone, she would likely achieve it and never deny it when questioned. 

Lexa didn't blame the man named Semet for his reaction but it startled her. It had been a long time since one of her people had directly attacked her. Nor did she miss the way Octavia glanced to Clarke to say something in skaikru's defence and she didn't. 

It all weighed heavy on her. The order she had given meant that any skaikru found outside Arkadia after the blockade was enforced could be killed on sight and that meant that Clarke would have to leave.

Lexa meditated, sitting cross-legged on the floor at the foot of her bed. She didn't want Clarke to leave. An ambassador could be given an exception, as could a welcomed guest. 

_Ask her to stay_ her heart told her. _You don't want her to leave. Ask her._

The doors opened and Lexa knew that it was Clarke without even opening her eyes. 

"Someone tried to kill you today. How are you this calm?"

Lexa opened her eyes.

"You're angry about the kill order."

Lexa turned her head and Clarke was standing there, all in black clothing, her long hair washed and bright. 

"Yes," Clarke admitted quietly.

"How else would you have me enforce a blockade?"

Clarke blinked and darted her head to one side before bringing it quickly back. 

"So when do we have to leave?"

 _This is your chance_ Lexa thought. _Ask her or you may never see her again._

Lexa got to her feet, hoping that her courage didn't fail her.

"We may be drawing a line but who's to say that you can't choose to stay on this side of it."

A string of trigedasleng was suddenly heard from outside the door, arguing with someone who wanted to see Heda. Lexa and Clarke both knew who it was, though Clarke turned her head to hear more.

"I know someone who might," she said, turning back.

Lexa smiled. If Clarke was joking then she wasn't mad at Lexa and there was a chance for them, however slim it may be.

Clarke raised her chin, not quite hiding a smile and then they both stopped as soon as Titus entered. 

"Wanheda," Titus said respectfully, "the blockade goes into effect at dawn. I've made arrangement for you to take one of our fastest horses."

"Thank you," Clarke said.

 _No_ Lexa thought.

"Actually I've asked Clarke to stay in Polis as my guest."

_I can't lose her again._

"Clarke if you'd excuse me."

Clarke nodded and started to leave but Lexa would not tear her eyes from her until the very last moment. Each second they had left, Lexa wanted to revel in. She hadn't gotten an answer and until she did, she could allow herself to believe, however short-lived it might be. Only when the door closed did Lexa avert her gaze, a sullenness now washing over her, knowing that a lecture was definitely on the cards from Titus. 

  
When Clarke returned to her room Octavia was already there and unwilling to understand Lexa's perspective. Clarke listened but she could barely focus on her words. They still saw Lexa as the one who had betrayed them. Octavia thought she was defending Lexa again, and truthfully she was. 

_The blockade goes into effect at dawn. We need you._

Octavia had been clear what she thought if Clarke didn't choose their people over Lexa but Clarke was conflicted. She didn't want to leave. For so long she had been running from her pain, for so long she had been fighting to protect her people alone but since she'd been at Polis, she'd felt more at ease, more hopeful. Lexa had done that. She had been by her side through everything. 

_If you aren't there, you aren't the person I thought you were._

Octavia's words stung but she needed to hear them. Her people needed her. She had to return but she wished more than anything that she could stay in Polis with Lexa. 

When she entered Lexa's room to tell her, Lexa was just entering from the other side of the room, her hair loose and drawn around one side of her neck. Clarke stopped as soon as she saw her, mystified by her beauty. She wanted Lexa so much. She had done all along and had never been able to admit it. The more they were in each other's company the stronger it felt. Clarke finally understood what it was she felt for Lexa, though she couldn't bring herself to say the words.

Lexa stopped walking the second she saw Clarke, the truth written plainly on her face.

"When do you leave?"

Of course she knows I'm leaving. She knows me too well. 

"Now," Clarke said apologetically. 

_Please don't look at me like that. I can't bear it. I never wanted to leave you._

Clarke closed the distance between them, wanting more than anything to see that smile of Lexa's again, to erase the visible pain on her face.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't be," Lexa said, her voice now hushed, so that it was almost a whisper. "You have to go back. They're your people. That's why I-"

Clarke's eyes locked on Lexa's immediately, barely breathing as she waited for the words she longed so much to hear to fall from Lexa's lips. Lexa just held it back.

"That's why you're you," she said.

Clarke blinked and nodded, unable to mask her disappointment but not wanting to make Lexa feel any worse. She knew that Lexa understood. For once she was leaving without feeling the weight of guilt upon her. Had it been anyone else they would have been critical, they would have unloaded their feelings onto Clarke and made her feel that her decision was a mistake. 

Not Lexa. She always understood, even if she didn't always agree. Clarke would miss that. She would miss a million things about Lexa. Some of them small things, like the way she cocked her head sometimes when she talked or how she took a sharp inhale of breath when she was flustered but didn't want to show it.

And how utterly beautiful and wonderful it was when she smiled because no one but Clarke seemed to make her smile.

"Maybe someday, you and I will owe nothing more to our people."

Clarke thought it might remind Lexa that this wasn't a rejection, that she wanted her too, but Lexa just looked unbearably sad and Clarke thought it would break her heart to see her like that for too long.

"I hope so," Lexa said.

She put out her hand and Clarke immediately put her own on the inside of Lexa's arm.

"May we meet again," she said. 

Clarke nodded, trying to stay strong but with the feeling of physical contact between them and Lexa using her own people's words as a farewell, she became overwhelmed with her own emotions. 

_I can't leave like this_ Clarke thought. _She asked me to stay. She wanted me to stay. She doesn't even know how I feel about her._

The more Clarke gazed back at her the more she knew that she couldn't resist any more and even more so that she didn't want to.

She blinked not able to stop herself from staring at Lexa's lips and pressing her own to them. Her hand moved to the back of Lexa's lips and Clarke kissed her like she wanted to all along.

She pulled back, unsure of herself as Lexa gazed at her with longing. She rushed back, wanting to feel Lexa's lips again. They kissed and kissed, neither of them holding back now and Clarke didn't even try to resist anymore, Lexa tilting her head and changing directions as Clarke just closed her eyes and felt her heart soar.

_I love her. Oh God I love her. I never want this to stop._

Clarke untied the silken fabric at the back of Lexa's neck, her hands moving with ease but when she tried to pull the offending clothing down, it caught on Lexa's arm and she yanked it, wanting nothing more between them. 

Lexa kissed her back, her hands in her hair, craning her head to one side and kissing her like she needed the oxygen. Clarke felt hands take her own and guide her towards the bed and as their lips parted, Lexa sat down and Clarke could only stare dumbfounded as Lexa looked up at her hopefully. Lexa was shocked. She clearly hadn't truly believed that Clarke had felt the same and Clarke made her decision in a split second.

She would not refuse herself this, nor would she refuse Lexa. They had done so much for their people. They might not see each other again for who knew what tomorrow might bring but they had today, and Clarke would take every second she could have with Lexa and cherish it.

Lexa caught her as she fell down, her lips reconnecting with her lover's as fast as they could. Clarke braced herself with her hand, not wanting to fall too hard and Lexa seemed not to mind at all, the force of her body as she landed on top of her.

Neither of them said a word at first, too caught up in the kiss, hands exploring secret places. Lexa's hands on her back under the black fabric she wore. Her own sliding back over Lexa's thigh and pushing it gently aside as she slid a leg inbetween. 

They both began to strip, freeing themselves of their clothes as quickly as possible and discarding them before laying back down, shuffling to the centre of the bed. Each layer revealed something new, Clarke ran her hands over her tattooed arms, fascinated by them as Lexa fumbled with Clarke's bra.

"Here," Clarke said, drawing back and sitting up. "You won't be used to these. They have clip at the back."

Lexa's hands were on Clarke's bare thighs as the blonde sat atop her and reached behind her back. She unclipped the bra and let it drop before throwing it across the room and Lexa's eyes flickered lower with a hunger, Clarke had never seen. Clarke pushed Lexa back down, relishing in the feeling of her bare skin. Her hands were on Lexa's forearms, gentle but firm as she moved her mouth down Lexa's neck and lower, pushing her thigh against her centre.

Lexa exhaled, closing her eyes for a second and Clarke pushed forward again, repeating the movement and watched as Lexa's eyes closed and she began to give in to the sensation. 

_The commander. The most powerful woman in the world and she is so soft, so beautiful, so amazing._

Clarke was truly in love as she rocked into Lexa, eliciting quiet whimpers from her and it made Clarke want to do more, to do so much more for her. She wanted Lexa to feel everything she deserved to feel, everything she had denied herself as the commander. 

Clarke removed her thigh and drew back and Lexa's eyes flew open but Clarke put a hand to her arm and then kissed Lexa's throat. She reached her hands between Lexa's legs and heard a gasp as she made her way down, tasting each part of her she could as she lowered herself. Breasts, nipples, abdomen, hip bone. Clarke loved every inch of her and was going to show her just how much. She mouthed over the inside of Lexa's thigh, lifting it and catching Lexa's lazy, half open gaze as she watched Clarke between her legs. Clarke gave her a knowing smile, one that was pure wicked before her head disappeared and her mouth went to work. 

Lexa had never experienced such an act. She knew of many ways to enjoy sex but this one she had not personally enjoyed but had dreamt about and Clarke did not disappoint.

 _This is heaven_ Lexa thought as her body reacted and she grasped the sheets in her hands.

She clenched her fingers tight as she let herself be devoured by the sensations of the body. 

"Clarke," she gasped. "Clarke."

She felt her body tighten and her fingers clenched even harder. She threw her head back, wondering how she had lived without such ecstacy. She gasped and then when it came upon her, her orgasm took her by surprise in how good it felt. 

Lexa lay on her back gasping, feeling a very gentle kiss on her inner thigh and she closed her eyes. She felt the bed move and Clarke's hand resting on her upper thigh as she pushed herself up and pressed her lips to Lexa's, stealing the most tender kiss. Clarke's lips pressed to her own, warm and supple and then she nuzzled her nose and rested there on top of her.

Lexa put an arm around Clarke as the blonde remained there wondering how the day had changed so dramatically. Not in a million years had she dreamed that this was a moment they would actually have. She had been ready for Clarke to leave. 

_She's still leaving_ Lexa remembered suddenly, and she held Clarke a little tighter. 

She rolled Clarke over, half leaning over her and found the warmest blue eyes she'd ever seen gazing back at her.

"Let me satisfy you too," Lexa murmoured. "While we have time."

Clarke just smiled at her in the sweetest way and closed her eyes as Lexa bent down to kiss her again. Lexa felt an arm come up around neck as Clarke leaned into it, more than happy to give herself to her. Lexa's heart sang with joy as she wrapped herself around her and moved her hands over Clarke's body. She touched her breasts, wanting to make sure that Clarke was fully ready, that she was fully aroused and then Lexa slipped her fingers inside her and Clarke made a sound almost like a whimper and Lexa kissed her cheek, nuzzling her.

"Is this okay?" she whispered gently.

" _God_ yeah," Clarke said, her voice soft and low. 

Lexa kissed her again, inhaling the soft scent of her hair and her bare skin, every second with Clarke a joy. 

"Tell me if I hurt you."

"Just please don't stop."

Her voice was more girlish than Lexa had ever heard it, a higher tone than usual and Lexa love the sound of it as she let Lexa pleasure her. Lexa learned many things about Clarke as they made love. One of being that when Clarke came, she made this high noise, her usually husky voice sounding more desperate and light. Lexa knew that she would remember it forever as she kissed into Clarke's hair and stroked the side of her face as she cried out with pleasure. 

Afterwards, they made love several more times until they were both tired. They remained there afterwards for some time, Lexa on her side facing away from Clarke as Clarke's soft fingers brushed over the edges of her arms, over the dark lines of her tattoos.

Neither of them wanted to move from the warm, comfortable afterglow of each other's embrace. 

Lexa shifted her head against the pillow, her eyes closed, nestling into it with more comfort than she had ever felt before. 

"If Octavia and I are going to get behind the blockade before dawn..." Clarke said gently.

"Shh..."

Lexa couldn't bear to hear it. Not yet and she kept her eyes closed as she felt soft fingers tracing over the circles on her back.

 _Not those_ she thought. _Don't_ _ask me about those._

"This is beautiful."

"I got it on my Ascension Day," Lexa heard herself say, her voice coming out hoarse and dry. "A circle for every natblida that died when the commander chose me."

"Seven circles? I thought you said there were 9 novitiates at your conclave."

 _Luna_ Lexa thought. 

"There were."

"What happened to number eight?"

Lexa sighed and rolled over. 

"Can we talk about something else?"

Clarke was leaning on one hand, her elbow propping her up from the pillow. She looked so happy, so content for once and she wasn't pushing but Lexa feared anything that might break the moment. They only had so long to enjoy it. 

"We don't have to talk at all," she said, smiling so sweetly that Lexa couldn't help but smile back at her widely.

Lexa's heart was filled with joy that she understood, that Clarke would not demand this information of her until she was ready and Lexa leaned over to kiss her, Clarke accepting her without hesitation as Lexa reached to join their hands and tilted her head to deepen the kiss.

_Clarke what have you done to me? I am changed beyond what I could have imagined because of you but I would never take it back for anything._


	17. Choosing Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Titus tries to turn Lexa against skaikru's but makes a terrible mistake and Clarke makes a choice. Anya and Raven sneak into Polis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - This chapter has Lexa shot and wounded but she does not die in this fic and will be fine. This is a major canon divergence chapter and most of the fic will diverge from canon at this point.

"So this is Polis huh?" Raven said, eyeing the busy markets. "Pretty cool."

Anya had her shoulder against a wall, her head lowered and her hair covered by a hood.

"Titus," she hissed. "He has not left in hours. What is he doing in there? He usually leaves once a day at least to frequent the markets. Says the fresh air is good for his focus."

Raven moved up to stand behind her, trying to see what she was looking at.

"There is a way in and out of the tower down on the other side of the wooden gate. Few know of it but Titus uses it regularly."

Raven threw up her hands. 

"How long will that take?"

"It takes as long as it takes," Anya said, still scowling. "Be patient."

  
"I really don't want to go," Clarke said, rubbing the side of Lexa's arms. 

They were both dressed now and Lexa was being very quiet, a sullen expression on her face.

"And I don't want you to go but we both know that you will. You would never forgo your people's safety for anyone."

Clarke leaned in and kissed her. 

"You know me too well Lexa. Until we meet again."

Lexa smiled but they were both sad to say goodbye even if they were leaving on high. 

Clarke exited the room closed the door and headed towards her own room to grab her things. She stopped dead when she saw Murphy tied to a chair, bloodied and beaten.

"Murphy," she rasped, running over to him. 

"He's alive," Titus said, walking towards her. 

"What did you do to my friend?" Clarke asked. 

Lexa sighed after Clarke left, already missing her. After a few minutes she walked out of her room, thinking that she would at least walk Clarke down to her horse and see her leave. 

_A few more moments with her. That would be enough. A few more glances of_ her.

When Lexa heard gunshots she ran towards them knowing that it had to be Clarke. The second she entered she felt something tear through her chest and looked up seeing the horror on Clarke's face and the gun in Titus' hand.

"Clarke," she gasped, sinking. 

Clarke rushed for her and caught her as she fell.

"No, no," she cried. 

Lexa didn't know much of what happened after that. She drifted in and out of consciousness. When she awoke she was on Clarke's bed covered in blood and the woman she had just bedded was crying as if the world had just ended.

"Clarke," she said. 

Clarke lifted her head and reached to cup her face.

"I thought I had lost you. I got the bullet out but you were bleeding out. You stopped breathing and I had to do compressions."

"Clarke," Lexa said, the pain coursing through her body like fire. "I'm still here. The blockade."

Clarke shook her head repeatedly.

"It's too late. I wouldn't leave you. My people will have to save theirselves this time. I'm not leaving you."

Lexa glanced over Clarke's shoulder at Titus and a boy she didn't recognise. He looked like one of Clarke's people. There was an apology in Titus' eyes but Lexa knew that he was too dangerous to be trusted now. All she could do was try to keep him under control until she was fit to deal with him.

"Heda I'm sorry," he started.

"You will never again harm her," Lexa said, staring directly into his eyes. "Swear it."

"Heda-"

"Swear it," Lexa choked, "then leave. Leave and never return. You have failed me."

He hung his head low and eyed Clarke.

"I swear it Heda."

"Now leave," she rasped. "Before I have you executed for treason."

Titus turned away, knowing that his time was up and rushed out of the room.

"We should get out of here," Murphy said, "the blockade..."

"I don't give a damn about the blockade," Clarke snapped. "Go if you have to but don't say a word about this to the others."

Murphy glared at her and got in her face.

"Why the hell not?"

Clarke squared up to him.

"Because you owe me that at least. We both know that you aren't going back to Arkadia. You're slipping away the first moment you can. Who are you running from this time?"

Murphy glared at her but a grin came to his lips.

"Don't you want to know. I'll keep quiet because you saved me and then we're even."

Clarke shook her head a little in a way that said that was far from true but then she nodded. Murphy moved to leave but something seemed to stop him.

"Hey, a word of advice Clarke. Don't trust Jaha if you see him. He's not himself and he's dangerous."

Clarke frowned ready to ask more but he shot away before she could say anything. She turned back to Lexa who was still in pain. 

"I'll call for the healers," Clarke said. "We'll get you cleaned up and something for the pain and then you can rest up. You'll be better in no time."

Lexa could see that Clarke was desperately trying to see the positive side of things. 

"Clarke, your people need you."

"I need _you_ ," Clarke snapped, fighting back tears. 

"The next commander will protect you..." Lexa started.

"I don't _want_ the next commander," Clarke said, finally reaching breaking point. "I want _you_. I love you."

If Lexa hadn't been in so much pain she would have said it back. But she was seconds from losing consciousness again and instead she marvelled at her words. Clarke loved her. It was almost worth getting shot for. 

The next time she woke up she was in her own bed, cleaned up and it was dark and Clarke was lying beside her. She was on her side, one arm stretched towards Lexa in her sleep. She glanced over at the resting girl who seemed exhausted and Lexa wondered if she could keep her forever and what would lay ahead for them. 

_Everything just became so much more complicated_ Lexa thought _but I am glad she is here._

  
Anya saw Titus exit and took her opportunity. The tunnel led inside and Anya thought to head straight to the bunker but something about Titus had bothered her. He had seemed off, deeply upset and had looked for all the world as if he planned to leave forever. 

"Why are we taking the elevator? I thought it was the bottom floor?"

"It is. I need to check on something."

Anya closed the doors and pressed the button and Raven scanned the space around them.

"How does this even work? You don't have electricity. Is it a pulley system. The button just creates a signal for some poor guy to start the process."

Anya raised a brow at her and Raven shrugged.

"What? I'm curious."

When they got to the top floor, Anya noticed the lack of guards right away. Where was everyone? She told Raven to stay put a moment and sneaked past them and towards her Heda's room. The two guards that should have been outside Lexa's room were patrolling the corridors instead. Someone was carrying black bloodied bandages down the hall as she hid out of sight watching. Anya only had to avoid them to get past. 

She knelt down and pushed the door, finding the room dark, the numerous candles not lit save for a couple of them. She glanced towards the bed and saw Lexa lying there on her back asleep, Clarke lying beside her. Clarke was on her side fast asleep, her body unconsciously facing towards Lexa's. She saw the bandages around Lexa's abdomen, the Heda clearly wounded badly.

 _Clarke and Lexa_? Anya thought, wondering how in the world this could have happened. 

_Did Titus do this? Is that why he left? What has happened in my absence?_

Anya crept out, holding the door as she left so that it did not creak and found her way back to the elevator. She closed the doors quickly, glancing around them and pressed for the ground floor.

"Everything okay?" Raven asked.

"Fine," Anya said. "Let's get to the bunker."


	18. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tends to Lexa, knowing that her choice has been made and Raven and Anya find the bunker under Polis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Mochof - thank you  
> Swega klin - promise

Clarke traced over Lexa's forehead, brushing back her hair with thumb and fingers. Lexa seemed so peaceful in her sleep and Clarke cupped her chin and placed a kiss on her cheek. She knew that her people were going to be angry. They would accuse her of choosing sides and may never forgive her but Clarke would have made no other choice. The moment she had thought she had lost Lexa was the worst moment of her life and she would not leave her side until she was sure she was healed. 

Lexa stirred, her eyes opening slowly as she turned her head. She gazed at Clarke as her head rested on the pillow beside her. 

"I thought I was dreaming," Lexa said innocently. "I thought you'd gone back to your people."

Clarke smiled, a watery, weak smile but a smile none the less. She shook her head.

"No," she said. "I am with my people. This is where I belong now."

Lexa glanced at her curiously then exhaled.

"I would have understood. I will recover from this in time."

"Well now, you have me to help you."

Clarke leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"Now stop arguing and let me take care of you," she whispered. "First things first. I need to change your bandages and check on how you're doing."

Lexa was wide eyed, still not quite able to believe that Clarke was really there. She nodded and Clarke drew back the covers and helped Lexa to a sitting position. 

"Stay there," Clarke said. "I just need to get some things."

Clarke hopped off the bed and dressed quicker than Lexa had seen anyone ever dress before rushing out. A few minutes later she was bringing in a bowl of water and a cloth and ordering some of Lexa's people to bring Lexa something to drink and something to eat. Lexa eyed her, thinking that she was a natural at this and as soon as they were alone again, Clarke began to unwind her bandages and place them aside.

"The bleeding has stopped. My stitches are holding. That's good."

Clarke dipped the cloth in the bowl.

"This might uh sting a little," she said apologetically. 

Lexa nodded, no stranger to pain and Clarke began to wipe the bullet wound gently. Lexa whinced, the pain worse than any she had known.

"I'm sorry," Clarke said tenderly. "You were very lucky. The bullet passed straight through. If it had hit any of your major organs, without a qualified surgeon here you would have died."

"Clarke," Lexa said, clenching her jaw and closing her eyes for a second. "Not that I am not happy that you are here but I can not stay too long in recovery. The clans must not see me weakened. You have to make them believe that I am still strong."

"You are strong," Clarke said. "But if you don't take time to recover properly you might not recover at all. Trust me on this. I will make sure they understand that you are still fit to be the commander, but I'm also making sure that you don't tear those stitches."

"The ambassadors," Lexa started. 

Clarke turned her head, looking Lexa directly in the eye. The sheer determination in her eyes was overwhelming and Lexa found herself transfixed by her.

"You let me worry about the ambassadors. I will handle this. I already spoke to Gaia, Titus' successor as fleimkepa. She agrees with this too."

 _Of course she already thought of it_ Lexa thought to herself. _She is a true commander at heart. She knows how this works._

"Then I will remain in recovery for as long as you deem necessary," Lexa said, "but I want to know everything that is happening while I do. I am still the commander."

The edge to her voice warned Clarke not to forget that but Clarke instead of being offended, kissed her cheek again as if she couldn't show enough affection to her and Lexa found her hardened demeaner melting. 

"I am glad you are here," Lexa said in a softer tone. "I just regret that you missed going back to help your people. I know how much they mean to you."

She saw Clarke inhale as if she had already thought about it all a million times.

"Like you would say, it helps no one to dwell on the past. I'm here now and that's all there is to it."

Lexa smiled back at her, falling more in love with her every second.

"For the record Clarke, I love you too," she said. 

Clarke's hands stilled on the cloth and she placed it back in the wooden bowl of water. Lexa took her hands in her own, bringing them to her lap and she saw myriad emotions flash across Clarke's face and they just stayed like that for a time.

There was a knock on the door and Clarke drew back as Lexa called for them to enter. Clarke started unwrapping strips of fabric as one of Lexa's people walked in, placing a tray of food down and a large jug of water and some drinking cups.

Clarke asked Lexa to lift her arms and began to wrap the bandage around her body, doing so several times until she was satisfied it was done right. 

"It's a little tight," Lexa said, feeling mildly irritated by being injured at all.

"It's as tight as it needs to be'" Clarke said. " _Mochof_ Kira."

Clarke nodded to Lexa's attendant Kira who smiled sweetly back and Lexa realised that Clarke had learned a lot about their ways since coming to Polis.

Clarke just turned to Lexa and smiled at her. 

"What?" Lexa asked. 

"Back into bed now Heda. Doctor's orders."

Lexa made a face, disgruntled at being ordered around but secretly enjoying being cared for by Clarke. 

Clarke pulled the covers up over her and nuzzled her cheek, pressing her lips there again.

"Don't worry. I'll take care of everything. I promise. _Swega klin._ "

Lexa smiled, enjoying the sound of her language on Clarke's lips.

"You better," she said, leaning back. "Can you pass me a drink?"

Clarke got up, poured a cup of water and handed it to Lexa then she went over and brought the tray of food over to her. It was mostly fruit with some cheese. Clarke had noted that fruit was particularly abundant in the grounder culture and that most meals seemed to find a way to make use for it. Lexa smiled and started putting berries into her mouth right away and Clarke thought that it was a good sign that she had an appetite and felt just a little less worried than she had been.

"This is the place?" 

Raven seemed skeptical until Anya threw the rug aside and revealed a bunker entrance.

"This is one of our people's best kept secrets. Becca Praimheda once lived in this place and if anyone knows how to stop Jaha, she does."

Anya opened the hatch and the both climbed inside, closing it behind them and suddenly they were in a large, underground facility.

"Let's find Becca's room," Anya said.

Raven let her eyes wander around the space, a sense of deja vu coming over her. This felt more like the Ark than the ground, designed to survive the worst kinds of radiation. 

Moments later they were in Becca's room and Raven noticed the reverence on Anya's face as she explained that Becca was the first commander.

"This was her quarters," Anya said. "Search for something that would help us but do not damage anything. This place is sacred for us."

"Got it," Raven said moving around. 

She walked forward and then noticed that the ground sounded different. She stepped back and then forward again, listening to the difference and then reached down to the floor. Hidden under one of the panels she found a diary. 

"Haha. I got something," Raven said. "Here it is."

She flicked through the pages and her eyes went wide. 

"What?" Anya said. "What have you found?"

"Everything," Raven said. "But more importantly, how to stop the end of the world, again."

Anya's lips twitched and she smiled.

"What do you need?".

"Tech. There should be enough in this place to work with plus one of those chips you say Jaha has been giving to everyone."

"I'll get what you need," Anya said. "Stay here and work."

Raven was already so engrossed in the journal that she barely looked up.

"Yeah. Got it. Be careful out there."

"I will," Anya said. "Do you have enough supplies for a few days? I will have to track one of these chips down."

"I can manage," Raven said, glancing at her and nodding. "Can you?"

Anya smiled. 

"Don't tell me you're concerned about me now, Raven. I'll be fine."

Raven gave her a sideways smile and Anya headed off but not without glancing one more time at the attractive brunette. 


	19. Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke spends time helping Lexa recover and dealing with things in Polis while Anya is determined to find out what has happened with Titus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Kongeda - Coalition/Alliance  
> Fleimkepa - Flamekeeper  
> Yon Heda Leksa ste yuj - Your commander Lexa stays strong.  
> Jus drein nou jus daun - Blood must not have blood.

Anya knew that she had to be swift but she had to know what had happened to Lexa and so she made her way to where the ambassadors meeting happened if ever there was trouble and hid herself on the balcony out of sight. She had her eyeline just on the centre of the room, so she could see who entered and who didn't but surprisingly Heda didn't enter, nor did Titus but instead Gaia and Clarke. 

"The commander has been injured," Gaia told the clans. "We had a traitor in our midst."

"Who?" one of the ambassadors demanded. 

It hadn't been long but Anya already felt that she didn't recognise a couple of them. The Azgeda one had changed and so had floudonkru's ambassador. 

"Titus," Gaia, told them. "Heda is fine though and Titus has been exiled from our lands as punishment."

"Exiled?" another asked. "Why? He must face justice."

"This is justice," Clarke told them. "You know Heda's does not want blood for blood. Believe me no one wants to see him die more than me but it is the Heda's decision and she choose exile."

"She lives still then."

"Yes," Clarke told them. "She is strong. He used one of skaikru weapons to try and kill me to provoke a war between us all but he injured Lexa. I was there and I have some experience treating those kind of injuries. She'll be good as new soon enough."

"Heda has given me command for a few days, as the next fleimkepa," Gaia told them, "but rest assured that our Heda will return soon to deal with the blockade."

"Why is she still here?" Azgeda growled. "Wanheda is Skaikru."

 _Wanheda Anya_ thought. _Clarke, the commander of death?_

"She is Heda's guest," Gaia explained. "She chose to tend to our commander at the cost of returning to help her people. Her loyalty to the alliance is not in question. Titus was the traitor, not Wanheda."

A few of the clans seemed upset by this information but Clarke stepped forward, standing in front of them.

"I stayed because I am committed to the alliance," Clarke said, "as all of you are. You have every right not to trust me, given what my people have done but trust your commander. She was strong enough to bring the _kongeda_ together, without which we might never have brought down the mountain and ended the reaping. _Yon Heda Leksa ste yuj._ "

Anya's eyes went wide as she saw the image of Clarke addressing her people, wearing grounder clothes, her hair styled in their manner, speaking their language. She was defending Lexa, making sure they didn't doubt that she could and would be fit again soon. 

So Lexa had been shot by Titus and Clarke, well who knew what in the world was going on between Lexa and Clarke. 

The ambassadors filtered out but Anya noticed Clarke and Gaia lingering behind.

"You did well," Gaia told her. "They accepted the news."

"Thanks," Clarke said. "But a few more seconds of blood loss and she would have been dead. I understand why they want Titus dead. I would kill him myself if I could."

Gaia placed a sympathetic hand on Clarke's shoulder.

" _Jus drein nou jus daun._ You taught Lexa that. Have faith in her decisions as she does in yours."

"I do," Clarke admitted. "More than you know. I - uh better go and check how she's doing. I get the feeling she won't be the most cheerful of patients for the other healers."

Gaia blinked in slight surprise and bowed her head and they both left the room. As soon as they were gone, Anya leapt over the balcony, her mind still very much in confusion. 

_I have to know if my suspicions are true. They were dressed but laying in the same bed. I must know._

Anya slinked out and down the hall, pulling her hood up. She trailed Clarke, finding her heading to Lexa's quarters and luckily for her, Clarke left the door open. 

"Hey," Clarke said, sitting down on the bottom of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Lexa half sat up, leaning up against her pillow very slowly. 

"Nyko gave me something for the pain. It worked but knocked me out. How were the ambassadors."

"Don't worry, everything's fine," Clarke said, "well not fine. There's the blockade still but they know about Titus and Gaia told everyone she's in command for now."

Lexa nodded her head.

"Good. The rest of the clans are more settled today at least."

Clarke reached for Lexa brushing back her hair, placing the back of her hand against her forehead. 

"You don't have a temperature and you seem very well considering so I think you're out of the woods."

Lexa made a face at her. 

"I despise being like this. You know that right."

Clarke chuckled lightly and moved to sit beside her on the bed, taking her hand.

"Well there are some perks to being waited on hand and foot and having to stay in bed," Clarke said, raising her brow and lowering it. 

"Like what?" Lexa asked, catching the note of mischief in her tone.

Clarke grinned and leaned in to kiss her. 

"This," she said, before pressing her lips to Lexa's.

Anya turned her head away, the image of Lexa kom trikru kissing back Clarke kom skaikru as if it was the most usual thing in the world, still in her mind. She decided it best to leave before they got any more intimate, leaving Lexa and Clarke still kissing alone in the commander's bedroom, Lexa's hand on the small of Clarke's back. 

_Now to find that chip,_ Anya thought. _And if I see Titus out there, he better run fast. I will kill him for this._

  
Raven found that the next few days went by without incident. She disliked being alone for too long, but she was busy, building the stuff she needed to save the world, taking apart and putting together electronics to maximise the processing power and memory that she would need to run the programme. 

When Anya returned she seemed was bloody and smeared with dirt like she had been fighting. She placed the chip on the table in front of Raven and sat down across from her, her arms on the table.

"There, I hope this is worth it. I had to fight a giant of a man to take it from him and Jaha now knows I have it."

"He won't know what you can do with it. He'll have loads of these. He won't miss one of them."

Anya's eyes flickered to Raven's.

"I don't know what you can do with it, so you're probably right."

"There's a working shower just through that door. I hooked it up while you were gone, using the plumbing system they had in here. They'd planned to live here a long time but it's seen better days."

Anya said very little and Raven noticed that her mood was off.

"Tough fight?" Raven asked.

Anya scowled.

"Nothing I couldn't handle."

"Then what's got you all broody?"

Anya sat up straight, still frowning.

"Have you ever thought you knew someone absolutely but learned they are different than you thought."

Raven glanced at her, her hands busy using a knife to strip some damaged wires.

"Well yeah. I thought my boyfriend Finn was a different person. I thought he loved me but he landed here and cheated the first chance he could. With Clarke of all people."

Anya shot an alarmed look at her.

"She didn't know," Raven said. "She ended it when she did and did the right thing. But Finn couldn't let her go and he went crazy when she was missing and shot a load of your people and Clarke had to put a knife in his chest to stop your commander's justice."

Anya got the distinct impression that Raven was still mad at Lexa for that.

"Clarke?" Anya asked. "I've only met her twice. Tell me what she is like."

"Griffin? She's - well she's the reason we all survived. The 100 were sent down to Earth to see if it was safe. Me, I went down to find Finn, chasing the boy I loved, not very badass I know, but it was always just me and Finn and I owed him. He took the blame for me. I'm the reason he was sent to the ground."

Raven's voice sounded dry, thick with emotion but strained as if she had just gotten used to feeling the pain. 

"Bellamy took charge at first but Clarke was the one who always knew what to do when things were bad. It was her idea to make peace with you. It was her idea to use the engines when you attacked us."

"I suffered great loss that day," Anya said with a note of bitterness. "War is never an easy path."

"She saved Finn, when he was dying. She saved Jasper when Bellamy thought he was lost and when it came down to it, she had the strength to end Finn's suffering before your people inflicted it on him."

Raven leaned forward. 

"You want to know who Clarke is? She's the person who saved us, she killed hundreds of innocent people to do it. She makes the hard choices and we give her hell for it and she still does it. I thought I knew who she was too but she left after she radiated the mountain to save her people. She left and never came back for three months and then even though your commander betrayed her and left us all to die, when she was captured by her she made a deal and got us into your alliance as the thirteenth clan."

Raven twisted the wire inbetween her fingers. 

"That's who Clarke is. When things are bad you really want her on your side and you really really don't want to be her enemy. Trust me on that one."

Anya considered her words, wondering how she had missed this in the sky girl. She'd had spirit but Anya had not recognised her capacity for leadership. From Raven's words, she had clearly been one of their leaders. Even when Anya had met her as their representative, she had not seemed like a leader.

"Do you trust her? Is she loyal?"

Raven considered this. 

"Well yeah but to who that's the question. Clarke always wants to save everyone, even when she can't. Why all the questions about Clarke anyway?"

Raven glanced up at her but Anya wasn't sure how much to tell her.

"Because I saw them together, Clarke and Lexa. You must tell no one of this."

Anya raised her finger in warning but Raven's eyes went wide.

"Woah, Lexa? She's seeing Lexa? Oh that kinda makes sense now. All that time she spent with her, how upset she was when she ditched us."

"You must say nothing of this to your people."

"Why?" Raven said. "What's the big deal? So they're hooking up. So are we."

"Lexa is the commander and she is sleeping with one of her ambassadors. I don't think I need to explain to you, why that might cause problems."

Raven tilted her head.

"I guess you're right. We have bigger things to worry about anyway. I read everything in that book. The chip is putting people in a simulation called the City of Light. They go into, feel no pain, lose theirselves and her A.I Alie is completely in control of them."

"A.I?" Anya asked.

"Artificial Intelligence. It's a computer programme that learns and adapts. Genius level stuff and extremely dangerous. According to Becca, it caused Praimfaya. The AI thought that people were the biggest threat and set off all the nukes and woosh, there goes the world."

"So this Alie is controlling people, taking over their body, as the mountain did with the Reapers."

"In a different way but kinda yeah. Anyway this chip is what does it, gets you into the city of light but Becca made another AI to shut down Alie. Alie. 2.0 and she created two ways to access it. One is sitting in the head of your commander and needs black blood to work."

"The flame?" Anya queried. "And the other one?"

Raven grinned and picked up a small device from a metal velvet lined tin.

"The other one is this and can work with a red blooded person but only if they're genius enough to figure out how. This was her own personal backup, her plan b in case a nightblood wasn't available. I'm gonna shut down Alie 1.0 and stop her from destroying the world and thst chip you brought me is going to help."

An impressed smile spread across Anya's face. 

"You are quite remarkable Raven."

"Oh I know but thanks for remarking. You gonna get that shower so we can have a little fun later?"

Anya grinned back at her.

"Sounds like a solid plan to me."


	20. Protective Girlfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby helps Lincoln escape from Arkadia while Clarke spoils Lexa rotten while she is still recovering. Anya and Raven meanwhile have a shower together as they wait for the programme to finish it's calculations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Smut

Abby Griffin missed her daughter every day but when news of the blockade reached them and Clarke hadn't returned she couldn't help but be concerned. Raven hadn't been seen for days and Abby had been unable to send search teams, Pike saying that it wasn't smart to send people after just one engineer. 

But Raven wasn't just one engineer. She was the brightest of all of them and Pike was wrong. Losing her was a huge blow to their people and Abby wasn't ready to give up on finding her yet.

Not that she could do anything even if she wanted to. Pike had Bellamy on his side. Octavia and Lincoln were on edge, as they all were as Pike all but declared one on anyone he deemed to be a grounder. 

This was how she came to be sneaking around in the middle of the night, helping Lincoln to escape. Octavia was staying and at first he'd refused but it they'd convinced him finally. He would be safer heading to Luna. Arkadia was no longer somewhere he was welcome, not since the mood had changed.

"Thank you Abby," he said with a nod. "You are a good person."

"Not always but I know when something's not right and this isn't right. Take care."

Lincoln nodded as he climbed into the metal tunnel. 

"May we meet again," Lincoln said in a low voice.

Abby tried to smile but she she was too filled with fear for her daughter and fear for Raven and fear for everyone at Polis. Lincoln, he was one of the best of them. She could at least save him even if she could do nothing else.

"May we meet again."

She replaced the metal panel and left in a hurry, not completely sure that Pike's people weren't watching her.

Kane was waiting outside, unshaven and wearing a concerned look on his face.

"Pike is talking about war. He's not going to follow the blockade."

"That's insane. We'll be slaughtered."

"And that's not our only problem," Kane said stopping now. "Jaha took a group of our people and led them outside before the blockade. Who knows where they're headed. The'll be killed on sight by trikru if they're see."

"We can't worry about that now," Abby said. "If I know Clarke she will have a plan. It's all down to her now."

"Clarke's not here though is she? She chose them."

Abby and Kane turned to find Octavia standing there with her arms crossed. 

"We don't know that," Abby said. "Something could have happened. Maybe something changed at Polis."

Octavia glared at her.

"Oh yeah. You didn't see her there. She had this big fancy room, new clothes, food. Hell if I was her I might choose to stay in Polis too."

Abby frowned but she had been thinking the same, though she did not want to believe it. If it had just been about clothes and food, she might believe that Clarke would always make the right choice, but where Lexa was involved... Clarke seemed to lose all sense of reason when she was involved.

  
"What are we going to do about the blockade?"

Lexa had her mouth full of the stew dipped, bread, that Clarke had been feeding her. She was lying on the sofa in her room, sprawled across Clarke's lap. She chewed quickly and swallowed before attempting to speak.

"You are worrying about your people," she remarked. 

Clarke sighed and rested the tray of food on the other armchair and started stroking Lexa's forehead, brushing over her hair gently. Lexa gazed up at her, more comfortable than she had been in forever. 

"Yes," Clarke said thoughtfully. "I don't regret staying. I would make the same decision again but I don't know what's happening or if they're okay."

Lexa rested a hand on Clarke's forearm, wanting to comfort her somehow.

"As soon as I am fit to ride, we will travel to Arkadia and deal with this."

Clarke shook her head.

"No," she said. "I have to trust that they'll take Pike out theirselves. That was the plan but I don't trust them not to try and kill you, the moment you step foot in Arkadia if we try to negotiate with them."

Lexa reached up and cupped Clarke's face with one hand. 

"We will resolve this, however we can."

Clarke smiled and nodded and Lexa guided Clarke mouth down to her own. Their lips melded together in gentle passion and they were both smiling when they parted.

"Will my healer permit me have more bread?" Lexa asked feigning sweetness. 

Clarke reached for the food with a grin. 

"She will permit it but as soon as you're better, you go back to feeding yourself."

Lexa smiled, a wide grin on her face as she settled back down. Clarke dipped another piece of bread in and guided it down to her mouth and she took it hungrily, thinking that Clarke was right about there being perks to be injured. Especially when Clarke was taking such good, personal care of her.

  
The water ran down Anya's strong back as Raven stepped into the shower with her. She had tattoos and marks all over her skin. Indicating battles she'd won, Anya said. Raven's mouth was on Anya's in seconds, her hand reaching down for Anya's centre. Anya thrust a thigh in between Raven's legs and pushed her against the damp concrete wall of the bunker and went to work on her. They both came in that position not long later, Anya's mouth pressing to Raven's shoulder and searching along the underside of her jaw.

"Still having fun Raven Reyes?" Anya muttered, her mouth hovering just below Raven's ear.

"Definitely having fun. How about you?"

Anya lifted her head and smiled and caught Raven's lips with her own.

"Yes, but I'm not done with you yet."

Anya suddenly picked up Raven, her hands under Raven's legs and carried her completely naked to a bunk bed in a nearby room and Raven just held onto her, thinking to herself that with anyone but Anya she would have been long gone by now.

Instead Anya moved down her body with intent, both of them soaking wet from their shower. Raven couldn't remember a time when sex was so good. Finn hadn't been a bad lover, Bellamy and Wick weren't bad either but Anya was something else. She seemed to be well versed in what she was doing to Raven with her mouth, her lips driving her crazy, her tongue buried inside her. 

Raven just gripped onto the metal frame of the bed with closed her eyes and let herself enjoy it.

Afterwards they both dried off and dressed and seated themselves back at the table they had their discussions at. 

"So that was great," Raven said. "The programme is still running yet. What do you suggest we do while we wait?"

Anya smiled. 

"I will teach you to fight."

"Hey, I can fight just fine," Raven said.

Anya got to her feet. 

"Show me then."

Raven swung at her and Anya dodged and sidestepped the punch, leaving Raven off balance. The brunette swung towards her again but Anya blocked it easily and pushed Raven back with a quick strike to the chest and she fell to the floor in a sitting position.

Raven looked up, winded but grinning.

"Damn! You really can fight."

Anya helped her to her feet.

"Your leg may still have difficulty but I can teach you to work with it and still be able to take down an attacker twice your size."

Raven wrapped her arms around Anya's neck.

"Yeah? Sounds good to me."

Raven kissed her on the cheek and Anya froze, a little startled by her sudden affection. Raven pulled back still smiling.

"The first thing you must learn is to strike better. You punch well but I could easily see that coming and it was more a swing than a targeted strike."

Anya positioned herself behind Raven, placing her hands on her hips.

"Here, move your hips as you strike for strength and strike through the opponent not at them."

"Kinetic energy transfer," Raven said. "Like an engine except that's chemical energy to kinetic energy."

Anya guided her through the movements and Raven threw another punch into the air.

"Very good," Anya said. "But there is still much for you to learn. I will teach you while we wait."

  
A few days later and Lexa was feeling much better. She was able to move around more easily, though it still hurt somewhat to do so and she could attend meetings. Clarke debated with her at first, saying that she should be taking it easy but Lexa knew that she could not wait much longer to be seen by her other ambassadors else they would start to question if she truly was recovering. 

After the meeting, Clarke rushed over to her.

"I'm fine Clarke. I am only sitting on my throne."

Clarke was wearing the concerned look on her face, the same one she had every time Lexa even whinced. 

"You are absolutely _not_ fine," Clarke said in a low voice, making sure not to question Lexa in public. "You are recovering from a gun shot wound."

"You've checked my wound every day yourself. You know that I am healing well. Do not overly concern yourself. We have other matters to attend to."

Clarke lowered her eyes, a slight pout on her lips and Lexa found herself staring at the cute freckle that lay just above her top lip that always distracted her.

"Nothing as important as whether you are okay. I'm not letting that happen to you again."

 _Oh_ Lexa thought. _She is scared for my safety. That is why she is so worried about me returning to my duties._

"Clarke..." Lexa started, taking Clarke's hands and drawing her closer to her. "I am the commander. I will always be at risk. If this is to work between us then you cannot keep me all to yourself. Much as I would love nothing more than hide away with you forever, I have responsibilities and so do you."

Clarke lifted her head, meeting Lexa's eyes. 

"I know that," she said ruefully. "I just..."

Lexa didn't need to hear the rest of Clarke's sentence to understand. She would have felt the same had the tables been turned and Clarke had been injured.

"We will ride to Arkadia soon," Lexa told her. "As soon as I feel able. I will not let you live with the guilt of leaving them to their fate if we do not."

Clarke nodded, knowing that she was right as they still held hands in the throne. 


	21. The Blockade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya worries about Raven as she takes the chip and Clarke and Lexa talk about their relationship on the way back to Arkadia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations
> 
> Niron - Near one/lover  
> Ai gada - My girl  
> Yu gada - Your girl  
> Ain - Mine  
> Houmon - Spouse/Husband/Wife

"Okay this is it," Raven said. "Phase one. See if the extra chip works."

Raven reached around the back of her neck but Anya suddenly grabbed her hand.

"What?" Raven asked, confused.

"I do not like the idea of you going in there alone."

Raven smiled at her, a little moved by her sudden concern.

"This won't take me into the city of light yet. I'm just implanting the chip. The flame in your commander's head keeps the consciousness of the former commanders to advise your Heda. This one is just meant for one person, to essentially give them the security protocols to access Alie 1.0's programming."

Anya didn't move her arm, still unsure.

"An, I'll be fine. This one will either work or it will detach and fall out. It's not like the flame. I've ran every calculation possible to make sure."

Anya slowly released her arm and Raven placed the chip on the back of her neck. Raven cried out with the pain at first and Anya's eyes widened with fear but then she adjusted and it was accepted and Raven glanced from side to side.

"Weird. I could feel the knowledge being accepted, the security codes, the protocols, everything. It's all in there now."

"Are you in pain?" Anya asked her softly. "Does it hurt?"

Raven met her eyes with a smile. 

"No, but I'm ready to go into the city of light. Give me the other chip."

"Is there no way I can accompany you?" Anya asked. "I hate the idea of you being in danger and not being there."

Raven grinned suddenly.

"There is a way. This chip it's incredible. It downloaded all the schematics straight to my brain. I can't synthesize another chip but I can create a way for us to communicate while I'm in there."

Raven got up and headed over to a computer terminal and started writing code. Anya frowned at her. 

"How long will it take?"

"Don't know," Raven said, not looking from the computer. "Takes as long as it takes."

Anya's lips curved a little in a smile, recognising her own words. Raven and her had clearly been spending far too much time together.

  
It had been a few days since Lexa had spoke to Clarke of going to Arkadia and now they were both on horseback riding yet again to the settlement of the sky people. They glanced at each other, remembering the last time they had travelled together and both smiled. 

"So what will you tell your people?" Lexa said. "About why you stayed."

"I don't know," Clarke said. "I know that we can't tell them about us. Not right now at least."

"My strength would be questioned again. Things are fraught right now. Perhaps if they weren't we could be open about it."

"I understand," Clarke said facing forward. "It will only complicate things."

"Clarke," Lexa said thoughtfully. "If peace was in our grasp, I would be proud to let everyone know about our relationship. I don't want you to think that it will never be possible."

Clarke turned her head back and smiled at her sweetly.

"I don't think that. And for the record I feel the same."

Lexa smiled as Clarke turned forward again, their horses moving ahead at a steady pace. 

"Relationship huh?" Clarke said, not looking at Lexa. "While we're on the subject, what do we call this that we're doing? I realise that dating may be different in your culture."

"What would you call it?" Lexa said quickly.

Clarke turned to her again and raised a brow.

"Very diplomatic commander, making me say it first. I guess I would call you my girlfriend or partner. What about you?"

"In our culture we rarely label such entanglements. It is not always wise to get attached. But when we do we have some terms for it. _Niron_ for a lover or loved one. _Ai_ _gada_ or _ain_ is often used to mean something similar to what you would use. _Houmon_ is for wife or partner."

Clarke shot a quick glance at her and Lexa caught her sense of alarm. 

"I am merely instructing you in terminology Clarke," she said dryly. "It is a little soon don't you think."

Clarke nodded but she had a far off look in her eyes that suggested that she might one day be open to the idea.

"I like the idea of you being _ai gada_ ," Clarke said, "and of being _yu gada_. It has a nice ring to it."

"I should hope so," Lexa said with her a cocky smile and her head raised high. "It would be a little late if it bothered you now."

"You know for someone who thinks mockery is not a product of a strong mind, you can be fairly dry with your humour."

"Mockery and sarcasm are not the same thing."

"Now you're just being pedantic. Are we really arguing the semantics? You must really be feeling better."

Lexa chuckled and they both returned to facing forward. 

"When I'm really feeling better, I will show you just how glad I was that you stayed."

The sexual suggestion in her tone did not escape Clarke and she stole another glance at her niron, having a warm feeling come over her as she thought about what Lexa want to might do to her. 

"Well that's one person that's glad," Clarke said with sarcasm. "I doubt anyone else will be."

"Give them time," Lexa said. "Criticism is to be expected when you take on the role of leadership. It makes for a healthy culture when people are allowed to voice their concerns to their rulers."

Clarke thought that Lexa was right. She seemed to understand these things better than anyone else.

  
When they reached Arkadia, the gates were closed and the settlement was quiet. Lexa's people were camped outside, maintaining the order and when Indra saw Clarke riding beside Lexa, the surprise was evident on her face.

"Has Skaikru communicated their surrender of Chancellor Pike yet?" Lexa asked, asking for all the world as if she hadn't been shot just several days before. 

"No Heda," Indra said, narrowing her eyes at Clarke in clear distaste. "None have dared leave for fear of the kill order and Pike refuses to surrender."

Lexa nodded in acknowledgment. 

"Some things have changed in Polis. I take it you have not received word of Titus and his treachery."

Indra's eyes went wide.

"He tried to execute Wanheda while she was under my protection and shot me instead. I survived just barely because Clarke stayed behind at the expense of being able to help her own people. She did not disregard the order lightly Indra."

Indra glanced between them but Clarke said nothing. She knew that Lexa had already guessed why Indra seemed angry at Clarke. Octavia had clearly told them that Clarke had not showed up and had abandoned her people in favour of her own safety and comfort. 

"Titus did this?" Indra asked.

"Yes," Lexa said. "He was exiled as per the new rule of justice. Now let us all talk in my tent. I need to know everything that has happened in my absence."

Clarke and Lexa turned their horses towards the encampment Indra had set up for her arrival and Clarke dismounted once they were near her tent. Lexa did the same but visibly whinced and was noticibly slower and much as Clarke wanted to rush to her aid, her people were watching. She noticed Indra side eye her as if judging how Clarke would react to the commander in this state and they entered the tent. Once the three of them were inside, Clarke asked to check Lexa's stitches and she let her, knowing that Indra could be trusted.

"They're ready to come out," Clarke said, with a relieved sigh, her hands gently reclosing Lexa's bandages. "I can remove them later for you."

Lexa nodded. 

"Now Indra. What has been going on here?"

Indra began to lay out every incident and every action that had been happening since the blockade started. So far few had been killed, a small group had managed to leave before the blockade with Jaha and Indra had sent people to recover them to no avail. Pike was still in charge but the people were deeply divided on his leadership choices.

Clarke listened to everything but it wasn't like it usually was when her people were in trouble. Usually she would feel compelled to save them personally but she was with Lexa and she had learned to make decisions together with her before acting. She now shared the burden of leadership and deferred to the commander and somehow that was a weight from her shoulders. 

"How does Wanheda feel about this?" Indra asked finally, as she finished recounting the details.

Clarke glanced at her and then at Lexa thoughtfully. She turned back to Indra with a sigh.

"I don't want my people to die. Of course I don't but the commander's only asking for one man. If they don't understand that, then we'll have to find a way to make them see that they made a promise of loyalty to the kongeda that needs to be upheld. Pike must face justice for his actions under Lexa's new law if he doesn't concede."

Indra seemed surprised by her change of heart and by her sincerity. 

"Send a message to the sky people," Lexa said. "Tell them, that their ambassador has made a compromise. Pike's surrender in exchange for their lives. Tell them that they must choose a new chancellor and that the blockade will not end until they do."

Indra nodded.

"I will relay the message commander."

Lexa nodded back and then Indra left the tent to pass on the information right away.


	22. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indra walks in on the commander sleeping to find her not sleeping alone, Clarke talks to Indra privately and things progress with the blockade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations
> 
> Hod op - Stop  
> Gada - Girl

Indra walked into the commander's tent as soon as Pike sent word back to reject the terms. It was early in the morning, the sun barely even up. 

When she entered she saw the commander fast asleep in her bed, laying on her back and Clarke lay beside her, an arm stretched out over Lexa. Indra stopped moving, realising that she wasn't meant to see this and feeling like she was intruding. This was certainly more than friendship between them and explained a lot of their strange behaviour towards each other. 

Indra turned to leave thinking that she should have announced her entry but Lexa called her name.

"He has replied already?"

Indra spun around and found Lexa's eyes open. Clarke lifted her head still half asleep. Both of them it seemed were light sleepers.

"Yes Heda," Indra said. "He rejects the terms."

"Very well. Maintain the blockade. Bring anyone who defies it before me. We will make an example of them."

Indra nodded, still distracted by a sleepy Clarke who was pushing her hair back and glancing around as if wondering what time it was.

  
As soon as Indra left, Lexa closed her eyes again and Clarke shuffled closer, wrapping herself around Lexa's body. Lexa's arms came up around her back to hold her close as Clarke buried her head in Lexa's neck with a groan. 

"She saw us," Clarke mumbled, still too tired to move.

"I know," Lexa said, with her eyes still closed, "but she can be trusted. Indra is much wiser than most."

Clarke lifted her head and Lexa opened her eyes to gaze up in her girlfriend's beautiful eyes. 

"Should we be more careful about this?" Clarke asked.

Lexa shook her head, gazing at her adoringly.

"Some things are worth the risk," she said, "and most people don't just enter uninvited. Indra is trusted to do so and you, well you had a habit of inviting yourself."

Clarke snorted, burying her head in Lexa's shoulder. When she raised it again there was a sweet smile on her lips.

"Do I really do that?"

"All the time," Lexa replied, "but I never minded Clarke. Not when it comes to you ai hodness."

Lexa pushed back a few layers of silky blonde hair and mouthed over two pink lips and Clarke fell down with her. They were like that for what felt like an age but then they both settled back down in each others arms to sleep a little longer, Clarke nestled into Lexa as she held her sky girl. 

  
"How long do you think they can last?" Clarke asked Indra, once she was dressed and outside of Lexa's tent.

Indra merely glanced at her.

"With their food supplies, maybe weeks but they will be getting desperate soon."

Clarke nodded grimly. 

"What do we do if they don't give in?"

"They will give in," Indra said calmly. "As soon as food gets scarce most clans will fall apart. They may try to fight their way out but it would be foolish."

Clarke cleared her throat.

"Lexa and I are keeping this quiet for the sake of our people. I know that you are loyal to her but believe me when I say so am I."

Indra side eyed her again and then turned around. She placed one hand on Clarke's shoulder.

"Sky girl, I may have doubted you once but I do not now. I will keep your secret."

Clarke was surprised by the warmth in her manner, as if she was accepting Clarke as one of their people. 

Indra turned away from her, facing back towards Arkadia. 

"Octavia on the other hand may not be so supportive. I would think carefully about who you trust with this information."

"For now, there's just you and Lexa," Clarke said. "I intend to keep it that way until the time is right."

Indra made a low sound of approval in her throat, only half listening. 

"There, you see that? Smoke. Something is happening in there."

Clarke glanced up and saw a small pillar of smoke rising from the top of the camp and knew that Indra was right. She hoped that it was Pike being overthrown but she doubted it would be that simple. 

  
The fire started in farm station, but no one was quite sure how it started. Pike had rushed to have the fire put out but in the midst of it, Abby saw the scarred face of an Azgeda warrior grabbing Pike. She took him before Abby could say anything and was gone before the fire was out.

The occupants of Arkadia piled out of the fallen Ark coughing and choking. Abby searched every face finding Kane and there were no casualities save for some smoke inhalation but Pike was gone. The people of the Ark were suddenly leaderless and someone had to take charge. 

Abby ordered for the investigation of the fire and found it to be deliberate. They had it put out as quickly as possible but their food supplies had been halved and it was clearly an act of sabotage. 

"This has gone far enough," she said, addressing the crowd. "We had an alliance. We had peace and we still could. The army of the commanders is out there waiting for us to give them Pike but Pike is gone. We have to show them that they can trust us, that we just want to live in peace.".

A few people were disgruntled but everyone was tired of the blockade and hungry and exhausted. 

"Open the gates," Abby commanded. "We must end this now."

Kane grabbed her, terrified suddenly but Abby just stared back at him with determination. 

"We can hold an election later Kane. For now I'm doing this."

He lowered his head thoughtfully and withdrew and Abby walked forward with her hands held high.

"We surrender," she yelled. 

Lexa heard the commotion and rushed to Clarke and Indra seeing the large gates opening. The first face they saw was Abby and Lexa saw Clarke turn pale with fear at what would happen to her mother.

" _Hod op_ ," Lexa commanded, raising a hand as her people readied to attack. "Let her speak."

Abby walked forward with her hands held high, her gaze drifting to Clarke as her eyes lit up at the sight of her. Though Clarke wanted to rush forward to her and hug her, she knew that this was too delicate. They were on opposite sides right now.

"Someone took Pike. There was a fire. An Azgeda warrior. We can't find him."

Lexa narrowed her eyes and strutted forward, as if not sure this was a trick. Indra and Clarke both protested but she moved forward anyway. 

"Tell your people to stand down and let us see for ourself and we will not attack. We want this to end peacefully just as much as you do."

Abby nodded silently and Lexa turned back to Clarke and Indra.

"Did you send an Azgeda inside to sabotage them?" Indra asked in a whisper, both her and Clarke in earshot. 

Lexa glanced at them both.

"Yes," she said. "It was the quickest way to end this. Pike is on his way to Polis as we speak."

Clarke didn't know whether to be offended or impressed about the deceit but it had seemed to work.

"Lexa," Clarke whispered. "We have to be careful in there. They have guns. All it takes is one angry person to take a shot."

"Clarke..." Lexa said. "All alliances are fraught with danger. You will be by my side as will Indra and my people."

Lexa knew that Clarke was still protective of her since Titus, but she was still the commander. She still had to walk into the lion's den when it eas necessary.

Lexa made the command for her people to follow her in a small group but to keep their weapons down. They entered vigilant, following Abby kom skaikru, Lexa leading, with Clarke and Indra flanking her sides. Once inside she gazed around at the faces of Skaikru. They were scared, some of them angry even but fatigued and the blockade had depleted much of their will to fight. 

"This way," Abby said. "We'll talk inside. The smoke is mostly cleared and we are without a chancellor right now."

Lexa caught the glares of Bellamy and Octavia as she passed and wondered if it was aimed at her or at Clarke. She could sense Clarke's tension beside her. She was trying not to show it but being back in Arkadia was hard for her and she knew that the accusations about her loyalty were bound to come at one point or another.

 _Foolish sky people_ Lexa thought _. She has been your greatest ally and you do not even see it. We would have wiped you out had she not advocated for you multiple times._

  
Once inside Abby didn't wait to hug her daughter and Lexa watched Clarke hug her back with fascination. She didn't even remember her own parents. She'd had teachers and advisors bur never parents to care for her.

Clarke drew back and Lexa saw that she was deeply relieved to see her mother alive.

"I didn't see Raven out there," Clarke said.

"She hasn't been seen for several days. We couldn't search for her and no one knows anything about it."

Clarke lifted her chin, her face marked with clear concern now and Lexa thought that the next thing Clarke would insist on was searching for her friend. 

_I will have someone search for her_ Lexa thought _. Clarke will not rest if she does not know either way._

"I'm guessing the fire was a deception," Abby said, "designed to end the blockade."

 _She's smarter than I gave her credit_ Lexa thought to herself, narrowing her eyes again. 

"Either way," Abby said, "we needed Pike gone. I'll tell everyone you chased it up with Azgeda. We can move forward now at least."

"We need you to make some concessions," Lexa said, "to prove that you are not going to repeat this behaviour. First of all, we need to establish a boundary between trikru and Arkadia so that it's clear where your territory lies. Guns are not to be taken into trikru territory for any reason not cleared with Indra. If you want weapons for hunting you'll need to learn to make do with arrows and spears."

Abby nodded, turning her head a little as if thinking. 

"Whatever we need to do to make peace we'll do it," Abby said. "We've all had enough of war to last a lifetime."

Abby sighed and Lexa thought that it was in such a similar manner to Clarke that it was startling. 

"Can I speak to my daughter alone?"

Lexa bowed her head politely to say that it was allowed and gave Clarke a glance. 

"Heda," Clarke said quickly, just as Lexa was about to leave. 

She leaned in to whisper.

"Be careful out there. Pike's followers may still want to take revenge."

Lexa nodded, her eyes blazing with passion at the thought that Clarke worried for her safety.

"Have no fear Clarke. My people are vigilant."

Lexa left but glanced towards Clarke one more time as she turned to her mother to talk. She thought about her sky _gada_ , walking beside her into negotiations, by her side through it all and she felt lucky to have found a true companion that she could share all with.

  
"You look well," her mom said.

Clarke wasn't sure what to say. She felt so out of place in Arkadia know, as if had never been her home at all.

"Thanks. So you're in charge right now huh?"

"Until there's an election yes. I'm surprised you weren't here when everything happened. Octavia said she talked to you and that Lexa asked you to stay."

"I wasn't going to stay," Clarke said softly, "but things happened. I was needed there."

Her mom wanted to push and Clarke fully expected her to but instead she brought her arms around her again.

"Well I'm just glad you're okay. Does Lexa mean what she says? Is she really letting us back into the coalition if we follow her rules?"

"Yes," Clarke said, drawing back. "She means it. She was under a lot of pressure to attack from the other clans. The blockade was the best she could have done in the circumstances."

Her mom watched her and Clarke thought she saw something knowing in her eyes, as if she already knew about her and Lexa. Clarke didn't have to voice it. Somehow her mom just knew. 

"I'm sure it was. But we need to find a way to convince everyone else of that. Maybe the commander needs to spend some time here to show our people that she means what she says. You could both stay while the details are finalised."

"I'll speak to Lexa and see what she thinks but please, no guns while she is here."

"We need to have guns. We need protection. What if they turn on us?"

"Please no, Mom."

Lexa reentered hearing the commotion. Indra wasn't by her side. 

"What your daughter isn't saying is why she's so against guns around me just now? Of course we don't expect you to be defenceless and I will stay to help the alliance go smoother."

Lexa glanced at Clarke who was looking down, shaking her head a little.

Lexa closed the door and lifted her top to show the wound and Abby's eyes went wide as she hurried over. 

"This could have been fatal," she said examining the location of the wound. "Can I see?"

Lexa nodded and Abby unwound the bandage in a similar manner to Clarke. 

"Who did this?" she said. "This was one of our weapons."

"Titus," Lexa said. "He wanted to kill Clarke with one of your weapons so that I would go to war with to your people. He missed."

"It's very fortunate for you that my daughter knows how to deal with a gunshot wound. You could have died."

"She nearly did," Clarke said, not looking at her mom. 

"I'll limit the guns to trusted guards only. People are going to have to get used to using simpler weapons soon enough, if we are going to follow the new rules that is."

"Thank you," Clarke said. "We can't let anything happen to this alliance."

"Yes of course, the alliance," Abby said, glancing away. "Lexa is important to that."

If Clarke noticed the strange tone to her mother's words, Lexa didn't see any sign of it. 

"We should start discussing the terms in full," Lexa said, rewinding the bandage around her abdomen and covering it. "Let's get started."


	23. True Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa joins the sky people for lunch and has to keep her cool when Octavia questions Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Some smut
> 
> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Skai gada - Sky girl  
> Niron - Lover  
> Ai hod yu in - I love you

Lexa felt the stares of the sky people everywhere she went in the Ark. Clarke refused to leave her side for the most part, her handgun hidden at her waist, covered by the trikru style clothing she now wore. Lexa had to admit that she loved seeing Clarke in the clothing of her clan. The black jacket was Lexa's own coat that Clarke seemed that have adopted as her own that morning and Lexa could not object given how much it pleased her to see her wear them. 

She wondered how long Clarke's protective streak was going to last. Lexa made a mental note that when they returned to Polis, she was going to take some time to help Clarke to deal with what had happened. Maybe some hot baths and a little pampering might help to ease her worries.

Lexa had to remember not to reach for Clarke's hand as they walked into communal room where meals and entertainment where held. Someone was playing with a piano nearby, just tinkering with the keys but as usual, all noise stopped as soon as Lexa walked by. 

"Over there is where we eat," Clarke said. "Rations are metered out on a daily basis from produce grown in the farm station. Half of it was burned down but Monty salvaged a lot of the crops to replant when it's fixed up again."

"We should sit and eat lunch with your people," Lexa said. "It will show that we are not so different."

Clarke gave her a glance.

"Okay but the food here isn't like it is in Polis. So... you might want to prepare yourself."

Lexa raised one brow, hoping beyond hope that it wasn't as bad as Clarke was implying. 

"Here," Clarke said, grabbing a tray. "Hold this and they'll give you a portion."

A few moments later Lexa was staring at the grey mush on her tray trying to conceal her disdain.

She walked side by side with Clarke over to a table filled with her friends.

 _Here goes_ Lexa thought. _We will see how these sky people react to my presence._

The first one that noticed them was Octavia who glanced up at them with a scowl.

"Finally came to help up Clarke?" Octavia said dryly, "We thought you were never coming."

Lexa could practically feel Clarke's tension though she hid it well from others. They sat down side by side and Lexa was reminded that it was entirely because of Clarke, that she hadn't murdered Octavia after the missile hit TonDC.

If only she knew how much Clarke risked to do that. It could have been her own life too. If it were anyone else I wouldn't have even entertained a conversation about it.

"Better late than never," Clarke just said. 

Bellamy and Monty were there but Jasper, she noted was absent. 

"How is the farm station doing?" Clarke asked Monty. 

Monty, who was noticably the most pleasant of the group, smiled genuinely seeming pleased to see her.

"It's recovering well. We lost a lot but I'm working on creating some cultures that could sustain everyone in the event it happens again."

"Do not try them," Bellamy warned her.

"They weren't that bad," Monty protested. 

"I was sick for three days!"

"Does anyone know anything about Raven? Have we a plan to search for her now that the blockade is over?"

"Are we really gonna do this?" Octavia said, knocking back her tray on the table. 

Lexa who was busy pretending that the grey mush didn't taste as terrible as it did and trying not to let it show on her face, lifted her head at the noise.

She watched Octavia carefully, sensing that this was going to be directed at Clarke somehow.

"Pretend like you didn't abandon us when we needed you. I waited for you that day and you never showed. Why the hell weren't you there?"

Lexa glared at Octavia, but the younger sky girl wasn't looking at her. She despised how much they took Clarke's leadership for granted. 

Clarke lowered her eyes and Lexa knew that she had no excuse to give that wouldn't reveal what had happened between them.

"Clarke is the reason you are all still alive," Lexa reminded them, trying to contain her rage behind emphasised, careful words. 

She didn't quite manage to hide it, some of the fury making her voice low and hoarse.

"She advocated for peace on your behalf. Many times she has saved you all and you are not even aware of it. Perhaps you think that you would do a better job at it?"

Octavia side eyed her, appearing confused, her brows knitted together. 

"O," Bellamy warned. "We have bigger things to worry about right now."

Octavia shook her head. 

"Of course you would take her side. You both think that you always know better don't you. Just like you did with Pike? Like how you nearly let him kill Lincoln? Or with Indra's and that village. This is all your fault. I want nothing to do with both of you."

Octavia got up and stormed off and Lexa watched her, reminding herself that emotions were running high and that Clarke could handle her people. 

"The food not what you expected?" Monty asked Lexa, trying to break the tension. "It's the best we could do right now."

Lexa tried to keep a pleasant manner, appreciating his efforts.

"It's good. I thank your people for sharing it with me."

Monty and Bellamy looked at each other and then laughed.

"It's terrible," Bellamy said, "but thanks for pretending."

Lexa smiled suddenly and understood suddenly why Clarke was so attached to these people. Their tendency towards humour even in the worst of situations was endearing, even if they were a rather erratic people.

"So why didn't you show up that day?" Bellamy asked. "O said it seemed like you were going to. It isn't like you to just not turn up."

Lexa remained still, letting Clarke deal with the question, knowing that it was how the blonde wanted it to be.

"Something came up. Something that meant I was needed in Polis more."

Lexa felt Clarke's hand grip her knee under the table as if for reassurance. She was still very affected by what had happened that day. Lexa was too but oddly for her it was less traumatic because she had been prepared her whole life for the realities of being a commander. She wondered if the tables had been turned and Clarke had been injured would it still haunt her.

Lexa thought it would. She placed her hand over Clarke's under the table, covering it with protective warmth but neither of them dared to glance at each other for fear they would give something away. 

They ate without more questions and the talk was fairly jovial and mundane. Monty discussed at length his new experiments and Bellamy teased him about how much time someone named Harper drew him away from his work and Lexa heard Clarke sigh quietly to herself with relief that they hadn't pushed the point further. 

  
Later that evening, they hurried into the quarters that had been allocated for Lexa, a simple metal room, with a single bed that was a mere box in comparison with the rooms at Polis. Lexa didn't care for as soon as the door closed, her and Clarke were on each other, their lips moving together as stripped their outer layers of clothing and fell down on the bunk together. 

"I almost lost you," Clarke whispered from beside her on the bed. 

The were face to face, holding each other as they stole hungry kisses but Clarke's words were heartfelt and she nuzzled over Lexa's nose before stealing another kiss from her. 

"I'm still here," Lexa whispered. "Right now."

Clarke looked unbearably vulnerable as she gazed back at Lexa, with watery blue eyes. She reached over to Lexa's now healing scar and traced over it with her thumb. 

"I love you," she said. "When I thought you were dead..." 

Clarke closed her eyes and Lexa leaned in to press her lips to her _skai gada's_ to remind her that she was still there, that she was still alive, her warm breath against her _niron_ 's. 

"I'm going to make love to you," Lexa whispered, "until you believe me, until you feel safe again."

Clarke's eyes opened as she gazed up at Lexa with such longing and such sweetness that Lexa knew she was totally hopeless for her. There was no stopping what was between them now. They were already in too deep.

After a moment, Clarke reached to rejoin their lips and Lexa rolled them over, so that Clarke was half beneath her, her upper half stretched over the blonde's body as they kissed with sweet passion. 

There was no more need for words as they undressed each other, throwing their remaining clothes onto the floor. They both smiled at each other, with no need to rush and Lexa fell down on Clarke's lips, shifting their bodies so that they were entwined as much as they could be, drawing Clarke's leg up around her hip and bringing her own knee up into position. Clarke's skin was soft but not too soft, her time on the ground giving her nearly as many scars and callouses as one of Lexa's own warriors. Still she had less than what Lexa was used to and truly she liked how it reminded her that Clarke was actually different, how she had fallen from the sky as a stranger and into Lexa's life.

Clarke was very aroused, Lexa could feel her arousal very clearly not only by the closeness of their bodies but in how Clarke's breathing changed and how she inhaled so slowly and closed her eyes and gripped onto Lexa's body. Her arms were around Lexa's upper back, her face buried in Lexa's left shoulder. Every now and then Lexa heard her gasp or moan as her arousal builded. Lexa kept going, listening and adapting to her partner's signals, listening to the communication of Clarke's body as twitched against her.

She took her time and let it build, until Clarke seemed about fit to burst and Lexa brought her to an earth shattering orgasm. Clarke made a noise, a desperate cry that she uttered almost silently as her body trembled with Lexa's. Lexa didn't even care about her own arousal as she felt her relax in her arms. She kissed the side of Clarke's cheek and nuzzled into her, knowing that her turn would come later. 

_"Ai hod yu in_ ," Lexa muttered, her lips pressed to Clarke's neck. 


	24. Jealous Heda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven and Anya head into the City of Light and Lexa and Clarke can't keep their hands off each other but a familiar face riles Lexa up.

"Here goes. You ready babe?"

Anya loved how Raven grinned at her even when she was afraid, even when she was about to do something ridiculously dangerous. Raven had somehow created a device to hack into her chip remotely and attached load of electrodes and wires to Anya's head to patch her in. Anya didn't understand any of it but she trusted Raven's intelligence. 

Raven lifted the other chip and pressed it to her tongue and a suddenly Anya's eyes were closed as if she had fallen asleep. She opened them and the first sight she saw was Raven, her wondrous dark hair let down around her shoulders. Behind her was a city, a vast structure that Anya had never seen and it marvelled her. Was this what the world was like before? Is this what had been lost?

"There," Raven said, pointing to a crossing light with an infinity symbol. "Follow it. It's the path to where we need to go."

She took Anya's hand and Anya followed, her other hand gripping the top of her sheathed sword. She would protect Raven no matter what it cost here. She was determined to. The world depended on it and Anya knew that Raven was the only person who could save it. 

Also Anya had admittedly grown a little fond of the fiery little brunette. 

"Stop, someone will see."

Clarke chuckled as Lexa's lips pressed at her neck, making their way slowly down towards her collarbone. 

"They'e too distracted."

They were in the Ark in the medical centre as Clarke helped out her mom and Jackson by stocktaking all the remaining medicines. Jackson was halfway across the room too focussed on his patients and they were both just out of sight but alarmingly exposed should someone turn the corner into the stock area. 

"Wasn't last night enough for you? I think I'm still recovering. Even the Commander of Death needs some sleep sometimes."

She felt Lexa smiling into her shoulder as she moved aside her top and mouthed over her bare skin, her hands roaming around Clarke's breasts around the front. They snuck underneath her top and Clarke couldn't find it in her to care how dangerous it was to do it so publically. 

"Clarke!" 

Lexa retrieved her hand from under Clarke's top immediately at the sound of the alarmed woman.

"Niylah!" Clarke gasped. "We were just..."

Lexa glanced over the other blonde woman who was dressed like one of her own people but seemed very at home where she was. Niylah shot a look between them before and Lexa decided right away that she didn't like her. Something was off with Clarke's reaction to her and they clearly knew each other.

Niylah moved to leave but Clarke grabbed her arm.

" _Wait_. You can't tell anyone," Clarke said, shaking her head. 

Niylah glanced down at the hand gripping her arm and Lexa felt a deep rooted rage bubbling up in her as she realised what the look Niylah had on her face meant. 

"I know," Niylah said. "It's none of my business. _Heda_."

Niylah nodded in acknowledgment but there was an unspoken dislike between them.

"Which clan are you from?" Lexa asked. "I don't recognise you."

"Trikru. My mother was Azgeda though. We ran the trading post before some of Pike's men murdered my father."

"I'm so sorry," Clarke said to Niylah. "I didn't know."

"It"s fine Clarke. You were busy saving your people I'm sure."

Lexa twitched up one brow, radiating an attitude through every inch of her body. 

"How do you know Wanheda?" Lexa asked in a falsly innocent tone. "I assume through the trading post?"

"You assume correct," Niylah said, glancing towards Clarke with a not so subtle smile. "She brought in a panther by herself. It was a sight to behold though it did leave several scratches upon your back."

Lexa's glare was intensifying. 

"Which no doubt you helped to clean up."

"Okay," Clarke said, putting an arm around Lexa. "Inventory's finished. Time to see more of the Ark."

Clarke shuffled her away even as Lexa continued throwing murderous glares at Niylah.

"See you soon Niylah," Clarke said politely. 

"Oh I'm sure she'll be glad to see you," Lexa said, over her shoulder as she was being escorted away from the situation.

They stopped when they were out in the hallway and Clarke pulled her into a small corner that was out of the way. 

"Something you want to tell me Clarke?" Lexa asked, her tone still dry.

"I'm not sure that I have to. We weren't together then so it's really _none_ of your business but if you have to know, we slept together yes."

Lexa inhaled sharply and Clarke could see that she was controlling her anger.

"Multiple times?" she asked. "Or just the once."

"Do you want me to draw you a diagram? Just the once. Lexa this isn't okay to act like this. I get that you don't like that I slept with someone else but I had every right to at the time."

Lexa nodded, her eyes drifting from Clarke as if she was thinking about it.

"You are right. I have no right to be jealous."

"Except that you are," Clarke said with a cheeky smile and slight head tilt.

Lexa lifted her gaze, that death glare focussed on Clarke now but it made the blonde even worse.

"You _are_ aren't you. You totally hate her."

"Hate is a _strong_ word," Lexa said, moving closer to her as the anger between them began to dissipate.

Clarke raised one finger in front of Lexa's face.

"Before you do what you're about to, don't you think getting caught once is enough for today?"

Lexa began to tilt her head, already desperate for more from her lover. 

"Then let's go somewhere we won't get caught."

Clarke's eyelids flickered half closed and she blinked and lowered her gaze to Lexa's lips dreamily.

"Hmm... I don't know that I should reward you for that kind of behaviour."

Lexa raised a brow. 

"It might help with my jealousy," she said all too innocently. 

Clarke smiled at her boldness. Lexa was nothing if not persuasive. She'd had too much practice at talking people around to her way of thinking.

"Does that mean you are't going to have her murdered like that time you nearly murdered Octavia in TonDC?"

"That was different. We were in a war. People's lives depended on it and she was a threat."

Lexa leaned in closer, barely able to resist her.

"I could have killed you for that. If it were anyone else who challenged me like that..."

"And yet you didn't," Clarke said. "You trusted me. So trust me again on this one. She won't say anything. It was nothing like what we have. After the mountain I just..." Clarke glanced down and Lexa lifted her chin up with her deft fingers, disliking the pain she had seen flicker across Clarke's face when thinking about the past.

"I will never stop regretting what I did to you," Lexa said. "It was my greatest mistake."

Clarke gazed back into her eyes with deep affection and Lexa could wait no more.

"Come on. Let me prove that you have no need for Niylah ever again," Lexa said taking her hand.

Clarke smiled and let her lead her away and back to her room so that they could really show each other how much they wanted each other.

A minute later Octavia walked out from the doorway she had been hiding in when she'd heard them talking a stunned expression on her face. She said nothing but headed towards the medical centre, where she had offered to bring Niylah lunch. 


	25. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia tries to get information out of Niylah about Lexa while Clarke and Lexa share a playful moment.

Octavia headed in to see Niylah and found the blonde wearing a disgruntled scowl as she finished up the inventory. 

"Thought Clarke was doing that?" Octavia asked.

"She was until the Heda demanded some of her time."

Octavia sided up beside her.

"We'll I'm here to help. I take it you don't like the commander."

Niylah shot a sharp look at her. 

"Don't speak ill of her. She could kill you for less."

"So I gathered. So what do we need to know about Lexa?"

Niylah gave her a long look.

"You know that whether I like her or not she is the Heda and to discuss this with you could be considered treason."

"Aw come on. I won't tell anyone if you don't."

Niylah glanced away.

"Leksa kom trikru is the first commander to unite the clans under a single alliance. She is known as ruthless, bold and extremely clever but fair in most respects. In fact she is probably more lenient than most Heda's but she has been known to make a point when someone questions her power too much."

"Make a point how?"

"She kicked the previous Azgeda ambassador off her tower."

Octavia's jaw dropped.

"Really? So if someone say, had knowledge that she wanted kept secret she might not hesitate to get rid of them."

"I don't think continuing this conversation is wise."

Octavia nodded, letting it sink in just how Clarke had possibly saved her life. 

"Fine, well let me help you with that at least."

  
Lexa rolled over onto on her back catching her breath, a large smile on her face. 

"Had enough yet?" Clarke asked, from the other side of the bed.

Lexa turned her head to grin at her. She leaned in close to her.

"Of you, never," she whispered and she planted a kiss on her cheek.

"I'm worried about Raven. Where is she? We need to send someone to find her."

They both rolled over towards each other.

"I could send some people to search for her if you like. Say that we need her expertise."

"We do need her expertise," Clarke said. "No one has a brain like hers."

"You didn't sleep with her too did you?" Lexa asked, reaching out to push a strand of blonde hair back behind Clarke's ear.

"No! She's my friend!"

Lexa chuckled. 

"I'm just kidding."

Clarke smiled half sitting up, the covers just over her naked breasts. Lexa glanced down to them and Clarke caught her staring.

"Stop it. Where's my top?" 

"I don't mind if it stays hidden, personally."

Clarke glanced around but couldn't see it then she stopped and gave Lexa a long hard look. 

"Wait you said hidden? Do you have it?"

With a completely frank voice, Lexa said "no I don't."

Clarke narrowed her eyes at her.

"You do have it. Give it here."

Lexa reached underneath her pillow and produced Clarke's top and threw it at her.

"Thank you very much."

Lexa settled back on the pillow, plumping it before she lay back down. 

"I need to go and finish the inventory I left Niylah with and check on Monty and the farm station and..."

"It's okay," Lexa said. "You have things to attend to. I should visit with Marcus and Abby. They both asked me to attend some of their meetings to see how things are done around here."

Clarke glanced down at her, a worried pout on her lips and Lexa sat up noticing right away. 

"Hey I'll be fine. No one has attacked me so far."

Clarke smiled a little, tucking her head down bashfully.

"I know. I just..."

Lexa placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I know."

Someone knocked on the door and Clarke fell off the bed in alarm, with a thud. 

"Heda? Are you still attending the meeting?"

It was Abby's voice. Clarke flattened herself on the floor beside the bed and Lexa glanced down at her with a note of humour in her smile. 

"Yes. I was just meditating. I will be there soon."

Lexa dressed quickly and then opened the door, well aware that Clarke was still hiding on the other side of the bed. 

"Abby," Lexa said in greeting. "I am ready to attend. Lead the way."

Lexa put her arm out to indicate to move forth and closed the door as she exited. Clarke sighed as she dragged herself up from the floor but she was still smiling. Lexa always seemed to have that effect on her. 


	26. Lovesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven and Anya run into a problem in the City of Light, while Octavia tries to get information from Clarke and lunch with the group gets awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for their comments on the last chapter. Much appreciated. Merci beaucoup.

"This place is incredible," Raven gushed. "We could spend forever in here searching for Alie 1.0."

Anya certainly had never seen anything like it. It was a vast, teaming metropolis, lights blazing everywhere, like glowing bugs in the evening. It resembled somewhat the butterflies that illuminated the glowing forest back in trikru but Anya was as awed as Raven at the sights. 

"Over there," the brunette said, seeing another symbol.

The world flickered around them but Anya caught sight of something red. She reached for Raven's arm in concern.

"Raven?" 

The brunette put her hand just under her nose to wipe the blood that dripped there and she glanced at it. 

"No, no, no," she said. "This was supposed to work."

The world began to change around them, as if time moved forward and then they were both jolted out of the programme and back into the real world. Anya came to on the floor beside the table and saw Raven lying unconscious next to her. She pulled the electrodes off and shook her awake but Raven didn't stir. She checked her pulse and found her still breathing steadily but she would not wake. 

_Is she still in there_ thought Anya. _Can she even hear me?_

  
Clarke hummed to herself as she entered the medical centre deciding upon acting as if nothing had even happened. Niylah was in the corner laughing with Octavia who seemed more cheerful but something seemed to change when they noticed her and before Clarke could turn and go in the opposite direction, Octavia rushed over.

"Hey where have you been? Niylah said you left her in the lurch."

Clarke fought the urge to blush, her cheeks already flush with rouge. 

"Yeah I - er something came up, but I'm here now. Is the inventory done?"

"Yeah," Octavia said. "They don't need any more help now. Let's go get some lunch."

"I'm good," Clarke said.

Octavia made a face as if to say 'aw come on', and Clarke gave in.

"Fine but just for a while."

"Sure," Octavia said. "I just want to talk about our people."

Clarke thought she saw something suspiciously close to a smile forming at the corner of Octavia's mouth. She frowned but didn't have any suspicions to base any accusations on and decided just to keep her eye on it.

  
Raven woke up to Anya leaning over her, dabbing at her top lip with a tissue. She was on her back on a sofa and for a second she forgot where she was.

 _Oh right, the bunker_. 

"Damn it!" Raven cursed, trying to get up.

"Slowly," said Anya advised, holding her arms. "I thought you might be lost. You didn't wake up for a while."

There was a softness to her voice that Raven had never heard before. She studied the woman in front of her carefully and when Anya's right hand cupped her chin, Raven began to realise what was happening.

"Hey, I need to get back to work. I need to get it working again."

Raven rushed over to the table despite Anya's advice and was leaned over the electronics, studying the programmes running on the computer.

"It was working. I need to find a way to make it run without Jaha's chips. It's one use only. Damnit!"

Raven hit the table in frustration and then swayed. Anya rushed and caught her before she could stumble back, her strong arms around Raven's chest. 

"You cannot do anything if you don't rest."

Angry but tired, Raven let Anya guide her back to the sofa and sat down as Anya lifted her legs up. 

"We will take some time. Eat, rest, regain our strength. Then I'm sure we will figure it all out again."

She was so calming, a strength of spirit radiating from Anya that eased Raven's worries. She hated being unable to fix something right away. It drove her crazy to think that she had messed up somehow.

"Success sometimes needs repeated attempts," Anya told her. "We must be patient. Even a hardened warrior cannot win every battle. Failure is a lesson."

Raven sighed and settled down and Anya settled beside her, leaning protectively over her. She could not sleep but she did feel physically and mentally drained so she just stayed like that as Anya's calloused yet strangely soft hands caressed her forehead. It reminded Raven of when she hadn't been alone, when she'd still had Finn to wake up to and yet Anya's presence never brought her that lingering doubt that she wasn't enough that she'd always had with Finn.

  
Clarke did not know what game Octavia was playing but it was clear that she knew something that she wasn't saying. At lunch, Octavia had been too talkative, asked too many questions but when she mentioned Niylah for the third time in the conversation, it hit Clarke, that Octavia knew about them sleeping together.

 _It has to be that_ Clarke thought. _Maybe Niylah let something slip and she put two and two together. If that was so, what else did she let slip?_

Clarke thought that Niylah would not say anything about her and Lexa. No, she knew that her life could be in danger by spilling the Heda's secrets. She wouldn't do that. 

It was when Clarke saw Niylah heading over to sit with them and then Lexa walking over with a tray that she sensed trouble.

Lexa appeared almost like one of the Arker's as she carried the tray over. She was wearing their clothing trying to gain their trust and even her hair was unbraided now and pulled around to one side in a beautiful cascade of chestnut. 

Clarke blinked a few times, as was her habit when emotion tended to overwhelm her. Her head was full of everything they had done to each other recently, the sexual acts, the intimate ones. She knew quite well what Lexa's body looked like under those clothes but it was more than that. She was in love with her, in every incarnation of her, Lexa and Heda. Damn she couldn't help it and she already knew this but sometimes it just hit her suddenly, as if she had just realised all over again. 

The woman she loved so much, the Arker version of Lexa was glaring when she noticed Niylah, a hardened expression that showed more of the Heda she was familiar with adorning her face. 

Clarke would have thought it amusing, save for the trouble it might cause if the others guessed something. Her fears worsened when Bellamy, Monty and Jasper sat down at the table too.

"Joining us again commander?" Monty asked politely. "And Niylah you too? Must be a sucker for my recipes."

Lexa faked a smile and nodded but her gaze darted back to Niylah who was sat on the left side of Octavia, across from Clarke. Clarke squeezed Lexa's knee under the table in greeting and to remind Lexa gently that they weren't alone and to behave. Lexa pressed her hand on top of Clarke's but the moment Niylah spoke, Clarke felt her grip tighten as if for reassurance.

"The last time I ate one of your recipes," Niylah replied, "I swore never to eat anything you'd had a hand in, ever again."

"That was Jasper's fault. I put in regular mushrooms. He switched them out."

Jasper who had still been distraught since Mount Weather, seeming to recovering but he still eyed Clarke as he couldn't stand the sight of her.

"Commander? How's your food? Good?"

Clarke sensed that this was going somewhere dangerous by his tone. Lexa just listened carefully, weighing him up with calm judgment.

"Remember the food in Mount Weather Clarke? It was amazing before you radiated everyone in there. Was it worth it commander, saving your people and leaving all those people to die?"

Clarke blinked and turned away and Lexa stroked the back of her hand with her thumb. 

"I don't have to answer to you. If not for Clarke, your people would have all died in there. Do you think that the Mountain Men would have let your people live? I did what I had to do for my people as Clarke did for yours. If you wanted a different outcome, maybe you should have heeded her warnings earlier and not trusted them. But I understand how tempting good food can be and clean clothing. Still... it is done and assigning guilt will not ease your pain."

Jasper seemed taken aback as if he expected no pushback. Clarke, out of understanding for his pain and out of guilt usually let him away with such outbursts. 

"I loved someone in there."

"And I loved someone who was murdered by the Ice Nation but I am still here advocating for the alliance. In war it is easy to assign blame. It is harder to build bridges and forge peace. I am sorry for your loss but as to your answer, my people are always worth it for I am solely responsible for them and who else will make the difficult choices?"

Everyone seemed stunned into silence but Clarke was too lovestruck to think anything but how eloquently Lexa spoke. Even with the pain of the mountain haunting her, somehow it all felt better with Lexa there. She always seemed to see the bigger picture and be the voice of reason.

Jasper picked up his tray and left without a word and Monty glanced after him with forelorn.

"Your friend is in deep mourning," Lexa said. "Do not give him time. He needs reminding of who he is and what value he brings to your people. It is imperative that you bring him back into a place he feels connected and supported urgently."

Monty gave her a weak smile and even Bellamy seemed impressed. Clarke just faced forward, knowing that if she gazed at Lexa for even a second, she might not stop for a while and everyone would see how deeply she had fallen for her.

Instead she squeezed Lexa's hand tighter, silently acknowledging her gratitude. 

"Clarke?" Lexa's head snapped towards Niylah's voice, a clear warning in her eyes. 

Niylah visibly stiffened but continued her question.

"Might Jasper help in the medical centre to give him more purpose."

Lexa tilted her head a little, her jaw clenched in challenge.

"I mean since Clarke has been busy showing the Heda around."

"I - er I would say that's a good idea but I think all that medication might not be smart around him. He likes to experiment too much. Monty could he help you in farm station?" Clarke asked.

"Sure if I can get him to stop partying for a second."

"Remind him who he is, like Lexa said. It might help."

Monty nodded and smiled while almost everyone save for Octavia and Clarke missed the death glare Lexa was giving Niylah. After a time, Clarke felt Lexa relax and the Commander turned her head back towards her food. 


	27. Overprotective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A minor incident causes Clarke to become concerned for Lexa again and Lexa and Abby have talk about Clarke.

"This is unacceptable. Whoever it is must be brought to account! What if they try again?"

Both Abby and Lexa were well aware of how upset Clarke was, but even to someone who didn't know her, Clarke's behaviour seemed disproportionate to the crime.

One of the Arkadian's had attacked Lexa that morning. It had been easily deflected. They'd lunged at Lexa with a knife and she'd grabbed their hand and flipped them and disarmed then in seconds but since then, Clarke had been determined that it was a part of some larger attempt to kill Lexa even though no one else seemed to think so.

"Clarke," Lexa said, "it was just a knife and you made sure than no one is allowed to carry guns while I am here."

Abby glanced between the two of them with one brow raised. She darted her eyes low, understanding this for what it was but not wanting to voice her opinions.

"But next time it could be worse. What if it's organised? What if-?"

"Clarke," Lexa called louder, reaching for the blonde's forearms. " She leaned in closer. "I am fine. I'm fully healed and this is nothing new for me. I have been Heda for many years. This is part of it."

"Well I won't accept it," Clarke said stubbornly. "I'm going to find out who put him up to it and how many more are involved."

Clarke pulled away and stormed off towards the man they had captured while Lexa just stared after her. 

"She'll be fine when she cools off," Abby told her. "Let her do what she needs to and she'll realise that there are no other conspirators."

Lexa met Abby's warm, brown eyes and saw a note of amusement shining behind them. Lexa expected her to take it worse or to at least question why Clarke was being so protective.

"You know," Lexa said, suddenly figuring it out.

Abby didn't react and Lexa was too adept at reading people not to notice her lack of surprise.

"What do I know?"

"You are more like your daughter than you know. She does not conceal her intentions exceptionally well from me either, although she is better than most at it."

"You still haven't answered my question," Abby said, "or are you waiting for Clarke to tell me because she never will. Trust me. She can be exceptionally secretive about some things."

"How long have you known?" Lexa asked in a low voice. "About us."

"Oh, I've had my suspicions for a while now," Abby said, "but then with how close you two have been and how she's been acting about your safety... It's not that hard to figure out."

Lexa nodded and sat down on one of the chairs. They were in the small meeting room, the two of them having hurried Clarke in before she made a scene about the attack.

"We've been trying to be careful but she has been distracted since Titus."

Abby sighed and seated herself next to the young woman.

"Clarke protects people. It's what she does. It's her nature. But she doesn't take it very well when she can't protect someone she loves. Her father, her best friend Wells, Finn. Even those people at the mountain. She is too hard on herself."

Lexa turned her head thoughtfully but just listened. 

"When she was five years old she befriended one of my patients who was very sick. Visited him every day. He was just a child himself. But when I couldn't save him, she locked herself in her room with all my medical books and notes determined she was going to figure out how to fix him."

"What was wrong with him?" Lexa asked.

"Hypoxia as well as some congential degenerative diseases," Abby paused as she realised that Lexa didn't understand the medical terms. "Low oxygen. It was a problem on the Ark that worsened over time as it began to fail. Initially we had less cases and we thought it was just a flaw one or two of the systems. It wasn't until years later that Jake realised how badly the systems were failing and how widespread it was."

"What happened?" 

Abby smiled wistfully but it was tinged with sadness.

"He died and Clarke was upset with herself that she couldn't do more to help. She didn't realise how much she did help that poor boy. Jake had to talk to her. He was always better at that than me. They were so alike in some ways."

"You miss him a great deal."

"Yes," Abby said. "I am with Marcus now but Jake will always be Clarke's father. Just remember that she grew up with two exceptionally stubborn parents. She was bound to be just as stubborn."

"Don't I know it," Lexa muttered. 

Abby lowered her brows and Lexa raised hers, realising that it sounded as if she was complaining about it.

"Not that I mind," Lexa said with a smile. "I assume that as you have told no one, your intentions are to keep this quiet."

"Sure," Abby nodded. "Not that Clarke would listen if I disapproved."

Lexa pressed her lips together and turned her head away as if thinking about her words.

"I appreciate your perspective but I do have to warn you that I am still Heda, no matter what Clarke and I's relationship is, I am still in charge here."

Lexa turned and met her eyes directly, her voice calm but clear. 

"I know that Lexa," Abby said. "Believe me, I know how difficult it is to be split between love and duty."

"I never said anything about love," Lexa said. 

Abby got to her feet. She was smiling now.

"You didn't have to," she said in a similar raspy manner to the way that Clarke did, when she was discussing politics with Lexa. "And just so that we're clear. You may be the commander but I am her mother and that will always take precedence for me over any law. Clarke's safety is my main concern."

Lexa smiled back at her, understanding that Abby was making clear that she would always fight for what was best for Clarke. Lexa didn't feel threatened. It wasn't a warning, more so it was an acknowledgement that they both cared about Clarke very much. 

Lexa got to her feet too. Both of them preparing to leave the room.

"You were right," Lexa said. "I do love her. I apologise for Titus' actions. I should have guessed he would feel threatened by her presence."

"Ah," Abby said. "Another one who blames herself for things she cannot control."

"Blames? No," Lexa said. "Takes responsibility for her people? Yes. Titus made his own choices."

"She'll be trying to get into the interrogation room," Abby said. "Security shouldn't let her in but she can be persuasive. Maybe you should head along and make sure she doesn't get into trouble."

Lexa nodded, thinking it a good idea and decided that she didn't mind Clarke's mother all too much. Many thought her too harsh in her judgments but she seemed responsible and willing to try to learn from her mistakes.


	28. The Art of Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa helps Clarke to let off some steam before discussing her reaction to the attempt on her life and some unexpected faces show up at Arkadia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Smut

When Lexa found her, Clarke was arguing with one of the Ark guards demanding access to the prisoner.

"Ambassador," Lexa called, "may I speak with you?"

The word shook Clarke out of whatever mode she was in and she strode towards Lexa as they both headed for a quiet area to talk. 

Lexa pulled Clarke into an unlocked storage room filled with nothing but electronics piled up. She closed it behind them and her lips were on Clarke in seconds. It was heated and intense as Lexa pushed forward against her, hands resting on wide hips, pushing up under her top and then slipping down into her trousers.

Clarke didn't try to stop Lexa or slow her down. They both knew that she was worked up and needed a distraction. Lexa worked her hands inbetween Clarke's legs in the way that she knew by now, the blonde responded favourably too. Clarke gasped and kissed her back, her tongue finding it's way into Lexa's mouth as they moved with each other. She didn't last long when Lexa started dragging circles around her most sensitive part and Clarke moaned into her mouth, their lips parting for a second as she became overwhelmed by the feeling. 

"Lex," she murmoured, as she clung onto the back of the brunette's neck with her eyes closed. 

Lexa didn't slow her pace, tilting her head into Clarke's neck, mouthing her pillowed lips over her bare skin, just above her collar. 

Lexa's name came out of her lips as a strangled cry as Clarke came fast and heavy against her. She made a noise, a high, desperate noise as she reached the apex and clung to Lexa as she rode it out. 

Lexa recovered her hand from down Clarke's pants and tilted her head to gaze at her. Clarke opened her eyes finding herself face to face with eyes that seemed almost blue green in the dim light. Lexa eyes seemed to change colour in different light. Sometimes forest green, sometimes so dark they seemed black and sometimes cyan tinted.

"You're eyes are beautiful," Clarke whispered. "I wish I could sketch them right now."

Lexa smiled warmly, her gaze fixed on Clarke as she rested a hand behind Clarke on the wall. 

"We need to talk about what happened today?" Lexa said, trying to broach the subject carefully.

"I know I got a little carried away," Clarke said. "I just wanted to make sure he wasn't part of a larger problem."

"That's not the issue," Lexa said. "Interrogating him is a good idea. It's about us. We... well we aren't doing a good job of hiding this. Your noumon has already guessed about us."

Clarke's eyes went wide.

"What? When?" 

"She talked to me after you left. Octavia also seems to have been throwing Niylah inbetween us as much as possible to gauge our reaction. I suspect she overhead us at some point."

Clarke lowered her head ruefully. She knew that they hadn't been careful enough.

"She won't say anything she-"

"Clarke," Lexa interrupted softly. "I am not concerned about that. We will deal with it when we feel the time is right. I'm concerned about you. Since it happened with Titus you have been overprotective but I am the commander. You cannot always protect me."

Clarke sighed and leaned back against the wall. Lexa just leaned in closer, following her. 

"I know. Titus he shot you because of me and they are my people. I guess I feel responsible."

"You aren't responsible," Lexa said gently. "I have guards for that. I was trained to assess threats. Titus, he surprised me. That isn't a mistake I will make twice."

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck. 

"I can't help it. When I saw that knife, it all just came back. Your blood was on my hands, it was everywhere. How would you feel if it was the other way around? If something happened to me."

"Like I did with Costia," Lexa said, her voice cracking. 

She appeared so much more vulnerable.

"You forget that I fear losing you like I did her. But you cannot live in fear. It cannot control you or you will miss out on what you still have in front of you. Life is risk Clarke. We celebrate our victories today and prevent our losses tomorrow but sometimes it is out of our hands."

Clarke was very quiet as she listened to her words, her head down thoughtfully. She pulled Lexa into a hug and just held her.

"I know. I just got scared again."

Lexa held her back, closing her eyes as she embrace the warmth of her niron in her arms.

"Your mom seems surprising okay with this," Lexa muttered into her ear.

Clarke chuckled.

"Well she'd certainly let us know if she wasn't."

They both drew back smiling at each other and pressed their lips together, meeting each other somewhere in the middle.

"Clarke! Heda! Has anyone seen them?"

Both women glanced towards the door.

"Is that Octavia?" Clarke asked.

"Something's happened?" Lexa said. "Let's go."

They both exited the storage room, Octavia glancing around and then spotted them. 

"There you are," Octavia said rushing over. "Wait, did you just come out of the storage room? What were you doing in there?"

Lexa and Clarke silently glanced at each other. 

"Never mind. What's wrong?" Clarke asked.

"You're not going to believe it," Octavia said. "The front gate."

Quickly the three women rushed out of the Ark and into the courtyard where two figures stood there. Both of them had braided hair and wore grounded clothing and had their backs to them. When they turned around, an incredulous smile spread across Clarke's face. 

"Raven?!"

Raven turned around and grinned as Clarke hurried to hug her, throwing herself at her friend like it had been a lifetime since she'd seen her.

Lexa knew the figure of the fair haired woman besides Raven very well. She had spent years as Anya's student, studying her teacher's every movement and gestures to learn to best her. 

Anya turned around, her calculating eyes filled suddenly with warmth. 

"Heda," Anya said.

"I thought you died," Clarke exclaimed. "I saw you die. I even took your braid."

Anya wore a knowing smirk and Lexa knew thay Anya had managed to play dead to escape after the shooting. Clarke had described the incident after Lexa had insisted. She knew what had happened that night. A part of her had still mourned Anya dying at the hands of the sky people. They met and gripped each others' arms in greeting. 

"I should've known you would find a way to survive," Lexa said. "You were always too stubborn to ever give up."

"We have a problem," Anya said, glancing at Raven. 

Raven took a step back, glancing towards the older woman as they shared a look between them.

"We shouldn't explain this out here. Who knows how many people are chipped."

"Chipped?" Clarke asked. 

"Inside," Lexa commanded, turning around. 

Clarke followed first, used to Lexa's habit of stating orders and just expecting people to follow by now. Anya, Raven and Octavia followed close by. 


	29. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are stunned at Raven and Anya's news about the City of Light and Lexa and Anya catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Fos - First

"This doesn't make any sense. Jaha left ages ago. No one here has been acting strange. How did this happen?"

Clarke turned away with a huff in the small meeting room, one hand placed on the counter and Lexa had to resist the urge to place her own hand over Clarke's. The sudden appearance of her greatest teacher and this new threat to their safety was far beyond what she could have ever imagined. She tried to listen and to understand what she could but it was clear that Raven ws the only one capable of truly understanding the technology.

"We got the chip working on red blood for a little while. I can get us in and out of the framework, all of us but I haven't managed to find Alie yet and the connection wasn't stable."

"So you are saying there's a chip inside Lexa's head?"

Anya raised a brow at such an informal way to address her commander. She had almost forgotten about Lexa and Clarke and what she had seen at Polis. 

"Yes but it's not working otherwise she would have more than just dreams about the previous commander," Raven said. "Anya told me you can only communicate in your sleep. That means you aren't an option here."

Lexa nodded wryly. The flame was always described to her as sacred. To think of it as just technology was unsettling. 

"Can it control my decisions or affect me in anyway?" Lexa asked.

Clarke glanced towards her. They were both thinking it. 

"No," Raven said. "It doesn't change who you are. It just lets you talk to the previous commanders, share their wisdom. Becca made a backup anyway, a third chip for just this reason."

Clarke moved over to Lexa's side, trying not to make it obvious but brushing her fingertips over Lexa's as she passed by and then turned around. 

"So what do we do?"

"Well the tech part I can fix. I can make that work no problem. My problem is biology. We need your mom help me to stay in there long enough to pull Alie 1.0 from existence and save the world from Becca's creation."

"Becca?" Lexa said. "The first commander."

"You've dreamt of her?" Clarke asked.

"Of her death," Lexa said with a note of bitterness. "It was not pleasant."

"I'll go and get mom, fill her in on this," Clarke said. "If anyone can work it out it's her. I'll meet you at lunch."

Clarke caught Lexa's eyes, a hidden meaning in her words. She knew that Lexa would need a chance to catch up with her fos. 

"Raven, you should come too. Help me to explain."

Raven glanced at Anya and flashed her a quick grin.

"We'll see you at lunch too hot stuff. Don't keep me waiting."

Raven planted a sensual kiss on Anya's lips in front of the other two women who were more than shocked.

"I'll be there," Anya said. 

Clarke and Raven left without another word and Lexa was left alone with her fos.

"This metal tin is their home?" Anya said. "I much prefer the comforts of Polis."

"So do I," Lexa said. "We thought you dead. Clarke came to me to make a deal afterwards. She said that you worked together to escape the mountain."

"Hmm," Anya said, "you should know me better than that. We did escape together but I'm afraid I gave her rather a beating. It took her some time to convince me that our people should work together."

"You beat her?" Lexa asked, through gritted teeth. 

Anya saw her swallow and blink as if to restrain herself.

"She fought well. She has spirit and tenacity. She persisted throughout the entire escape in convincing me. She can't swim though. You might want to remedy that if you wish for your niron to have a better chance at surviving next time. She nearly drowned."

Lexa's eyes widened at Anya's words. 

"Wanheda and I..."

"The commander of death. I heard what happened at the mountain from Raven. Don't try to deny it Lexa. I saw you both at Polis. We had to get to Becca's secrets in the bunker. I know what happened with Titus."

Lexa turned her head away, a fierce anger blazing in her eyes.

"You should have come to me with the information. I am still your commander."

"I did not know who was compromised Heda. The fewer people knew the better, and I am telling you now. What is it with these sky women huh that they have us both intoxicated?"

Lexa shot a look at her in surprise. Intoxicated. Was Anya admitting affection for Raven? Sex was one thing. Her fos was known for her tendency to be direct with her intentions with other women but affection? 

"It is more than that," Lexa admitted. "I love her, more than I even did Costia though I feel disloyal admitting that."

"It is not disloyal," Anya said in a soothing voice. "Costia was kind hearted. She would have been happy for you to move on. Who else knows?"

"Too many people," Lexa said, "but no one that cannot be trusted. Indra, Clarke's noumon and a couple of others."

"You have been reckless with your secret."

"I have not," Lexa said. "I have been careful but some things will not stay concealed for long."

Anya smiled suddenly. It was a proud, gentle smile. 

"I have missed you Lexa."

"I have missed you too," Lexa admitted, "but we are still going to discuss your actions later and why you should have come to me first and not Raven."

Anya chuckled, knowing that Lexa was merely reasserting her authority as she had been taught to do for most of her life. 

"Sha, Heda. When you can finally peel yourself away from the sky girl we will discuss it."

"Are you any better with Raven?"

"No," Anya admitted with a smile. "What do you think took me so long?" 


	30. Out in the Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya and Clarke have a discussion as Anya tests Clarke's loyalty to Lexa, and the gang meet up for lunch with Niylah and Octavia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Jus drein nou jus daun - Blood must not have blood  
> Jok nou - Fuck no!

Anya eyed Clarke with a wary gaze. The blonde was busying herself in the medical centre, as Lexa met with one of the skaikru leaders to assess whether they were chipped or not. Raven went with her and Clarke was sorting through medicines, marking down on paper what stock they still had.

"Wanheda," Anya greeted heading over to her.

Clarke lifted her head in surprise and the others in the room became quiet and seemed to move further away from them. Anya seemed to be intimidating to every person she met, noticably hushing the sky people whenever she entered a room.

"Anya," Clarke greeted continuing her task. 

"We need to talk, Anya said, standing beside her, one hand placed on the desk. 

"About what? You and Raven. I swear if you hurt her..." 

Anya seemed only amused at her comment. 

"Did you forget how I bested you last time? I slapped you silly in the mud."

"Hey!" Clarke said, turning her body so that they were face to face. "I gave as good as I got. Now what did you want to talk about?"

Anya seemed impressed by her response and a slight smile came to her lips which was quickly replaced by a stern expression.

"You and Lexa," she said low enough so no one else could hear. "I want you to end it."

Clarke's eyes went wide.

"What! No! Absolutely not!"

"You need to stop it now before she falls too deeply. I see the hold you have over her. You have not even made your relationship public. Clearly it creates a conflict for you."

"It doesn't," Clarke exclaimed, "and there's not a chance in hell that I would end it. I love her. I'm not giving her up. Not for you. Not for my people."

Clarke's mouth was a thin line, the blonde fixed in her stubborness.

A smile broke across Anya's face. 

"It's true then? You will fight for her."

"That was a test?" Clarke asked, glancing around at the rest of the room in case her voice had been too loud.

"One that you passed," Anya said. "And as for Raven, say it. You'll feel better for it."

"Hurt her and I'll hunt you down and next time I'll win."

"I like you sky girl," Anya said with a grin. "As for Raven Reyes, I have no intention of allowing any harm to come to her."

Clarke shifted back on her feet and glanced up at the other woman curiously. 

"So is that all you wanted?"

Anya appeared much more serious again, her mood changing in an instant.

"No. I want to talk about what happened. How did she get shot?"

Clarke blinked rapidly and Anya could see the deep storm of emotions that hid behind her gaze.

"Titus," she said with a sigh. "He wanted to kill me and make it seem like my people had done it so that Lexa would be forced to go to war."

"Why did he want a war?" Anya asked.

"Lexa changed the law. Jus drein nou jus daun. He thought it was a mistake not to retaliate against my people and so he used one of our weapons. He was shooting at me when Lexa... she walked in."

Anya nodded slowly.

"That fool. He always did think he knew better than anyone else."

"Was he right?" Clarke asked quietly. "If she'd died would I have been the reason it happened. If I hadn't convinced her to make changes."

Anya suddenly felt a sense of pity for the young woman. She clearly was still upset over the event. 

"No, Clarke," she said. "Titus pulled the trigger and for that, if I ever see him again, he will die at my hand, law or no law."

Clarke nodded slowly. She understood the sentiment. She didn't know how she would even react if she saw him again after what he had done.

  
Raven seated herself at a table in the canteen, well aware of the stares she was getting. She was dressed like a grounder, her hair braided. Anya had insisted that travelling in such a way was much safer and if she was honest, she liked letting Anya braid her hair. It seemed to be an intimate act among the grounders. Anya told her that it was a great honour among teachers and their seconds and even among friends and lovers. Raven wasn't sure what to think about that. Anya had been protective of her recently and much as she complained about it, she secretly liked that she spent so much time on her.

Octavia seated herself down first, with a grounder woman she recognised. 

_Niylah_ she thought. _The one that patched Anya up at the trading post?_

"Hey there. Remember me?" 

Niylah smiled and got a broad smile back. 

"Yes of course. How interesting to find you here."

Niylah placed a hand on Raven's arm and the brunette noted an unmistakably flirtatious tone to her voice. 

" _Oh jok nou_! Niylah back the hell off!"

Raven grinned as she recognised Anya's voice as she stormed in to join them for dinner. Niylah looked alarmed and snatched her arm back and then glanced between Anya and Clarke who had entered together. When Lexa entered last, Raven noticed that her eyes narrowed as soon as she saw Niylah.

"I really should get going," Niylah said, making an excuse. "I forgot that I have work to do for Abby. I agreed to help out."

Octavia seemed mildly irritated that Niylah was making excuses to leave but just nodded. 

"My bad," Raven said, "Anya scaring her off because of me."

Octavia shot a sharp look at her, spinning her head around. 

"You and Anya? Wait..."

Raven realised that she had thought the incident about someone else. Wait...

"You know something," Raven said quickly. "Do you know what I know?"

"Niylah and Clarke..."

"And jealousy..."

They both shut up the moment the other three women reached their table.

"Good, I scared her off," Anya said. "She's a flirt Niylah. Decent woman but a flirt."

Anya placed a kiss on Raven's lips and put an arm across the back of her chair as she sat down beside her.

"Okay, so Octavia knows and I know and you all know," Raven said, "but we are all pretending that we don't know."

Lexa and Clarke who had both just sat down, froze in their seats. Octavia glanced at them.

"I heard you talking in the hallway about you sleeping with Niylah and other things."

Anya glared at Clarke furiously. 

"Before, before," Clarke exclaimed. "Not while we were together. Octavia, you know?"

Octavia nodded.

"That's why you didn't show up that day. Something happened."

"Octavia, you can't say anything, not right now..."

"I know Clarke. I haven't so far have I?"

Everyone fell silent as the knowledge of who knew what sank in.

"So this is fun," Raven joked. "Awkward silences over the dinner table. It's like I never left."

"You didn't technically leave," Lexa said. "You were abducted. My former teacher was always a little heavy handed in her approach."

"I taught you well enough didn't I? You have braids too, Octavia? Are you in training?"

"Under Indra," Lexa answered. 

Anya glanced at her, wide eyed.

"Indra? You poor, poor girl. She is a tough teacher."

Anya shook her head.

"I'm sure you were worse," Lexa said. "Indra at least didn't wake her before sunrise every day."

Anya scoffed.

"Or make her drag heavy objects for miles to build 'character'."

"It worked didn't it?" Anya said with a grin. "You are the finest Heda we have ever had.

Lexa snorted at her words and Clarke raised a brow. 

"Some of the previous Heda's didn't set a particularly high bar," Lexa explained. "She's mocking me."

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind Lexa. I never mock, I merely state facts."

Lexa merely rolled her eyes as if she had heard her words a million times before. 


	31. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is concerned about the lack of word from Polis as Clarke reassures her and Clarke admits that she has finally moved on from the mountain betrayal. Lexa and Clarke travel back to Polis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Ai hodness - my love

Lexa didn't understand skaikru technology. She pondered this as Clarke lay beside her that evening, fast asleep on her side, one hand tucked up under chin. She had listened to all that Raven had told her but this threat was unlike any other she had faced and Clarke and Lexa would have to wait by idly while their friends went into the city of light. 

She was concerned that she'd had no word of Pike reaching Polis, that she'd heard very little at all of Polis. They needed to return. Something wasn't right. 

"Can't sleep?" Clarke asked, her eyes flickering open as Lexa glanced to her. 

"I thought you were asleep," Lexa said, brushing Clarke's hair lightly back over her forehead. 

"I was, but I'm a light sleeper. What is it?"

"I think Polis has been infiltrated by Alie. I haven't had word of Pike or any other affairs for days. The last I heard he had reached our capital."

Clarke raised her head. 

"You're concerned."

"I am," Lexa admitted. "My warriors would not have taken it willingly. Their silence and the fact that no one has sent word..."

"Means that they were either forced to take the chip or they're dead."

Clarke reached to touch Lexa's face in gentle concern.

"We'll go, first thing in the morning. The capital has to be protected from them. Arkadia can protect theirselves for now."

"I have no way of knowing how many of my army have been compromised."

"Hey," Clarke said, touching her arm. "It'll be fine. Whatever has happened, we'll deal with it together okay?"

"That's not my biggest concern right now," Lexa said. "If they are compromised I may have to take actions that you won't like. I have to protect my people."

"I know that," Clarke said, sitting up now, "Lexa don't you think I get that by now, what you have to do? We are in this together. Listen, the mountain - I never said it but I.."

"You don't have to-" Lexa told her, meeting her eyes directly. "The guilt is mine to bear."

Clarke skated her fingertips over both sides of Lexa's face, leaning in so close that they were mere inches apart.

"But I forgive you Lexa. I forgave you some time ago, when you changed your ways to stop a war, when you knelt before me to show your commitment. I didn't want to admit it because the anger was still raw. I love you Lexa and whatever we have to face and whatever you have to do, we are gonna face it together right?"

Lexa blinked and leaned in to hug Clarke gently. 

"I love you too, ai hodness."

Clarke leaned in to the hug, resting her head on Lexa's shoulder. She yawned suddenly and Lexa kissed the side of her neck gently.

"Still tired?"

"Yeah, I am," she said softly, her warm breath tickling Lexa's neck. 

Lexa smiled and drew back but only a little.

"Then let's rest my love. We have a lot to deal with tomorrow."

  
The Next Morning

"You're leaving already!"

Abby glared between Lexa and Clarke, desperately disappointed that she wouldn't have a few more days with her daughter.

"The moment things are settled, you are welcome to visit at Polis," Lexa reassured her, "but if this is not dealt with, then we are all in great danger. Raven said that this was a threat to us all and Polis is the heart of the alliance."

Abby frowned but didn't disagree, her lips pressed tightly together.

"Maybe Clarke should stay here. It's not safe for her there."

"Not a chance," Clarke said with determination, "I'm going with her. This involves our people too."

Abby seemed even more displeased but Lexa could see that Clarke had won the argument, as she often tended to do. 

"I swear that I will do all I can to protect her," Lexa told her. "You have my word."

Abby shot her a glare. 

"You better."

"I will," Lexa reassured her. 

"Come and find me after you've said your goodbyes," Abby told Clarke. "I want to at least see you off."

Clarke nodded. 

"We will mom."

  
Later the Day

Clarke and Lexa rode side by side towards Polis. Everything appeared fairly normal until they drew closer and saw the banner. It was hung from the tower, a large banner in white with numbers painted in red."

"What does it mean?" Lexa asked as they both gazed up at it from horseback.

"2052," Clarke said in a dry voice, "the year of Praimfaya. It's a message for us. She knows we are coming."


	32. The Lion's Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke let themselves be captured to buy Raven time to get back into the city of light unnoticed and Anya worries for Raven's safety.

As Lexa entered her tower, it was deathly silent. Many times she'd walked through the building and ascended to her tower but never were the streets so deserted or the building so quiet.

"Where is everyone?" Clarke whispered. "The throne room maybe?"

"Maybe," Lexa said, thinking of her natblidas and the rest of her people and how much danger they were in. 

Jaha was waiting for them in the throne room as were many others from different clans. The throne was noticably empty but Lexa didn't like how everyone was gathered around like it was occupied, particularly Jaha.

"They're here," he said calmly, as if talking to someone else. "Should we proceed?"

Clarke and Lexa glanced at each other as he seemed to talk to the empty throne. 

"You see Alie don't you?" Clarke asked him. "What does she want? Why did she lure us here?"

Jaha turned and smiled but he seemed confused, as if his mind was somewhere else.

"Yes, yes. She wants them alive for now," he told the others. "Prepare them for the process."

Several arms reached for them and neither of them fought, having expected such a reception. If they struggled it was their own people that would get injured in the battle. 

"They're going to chip us," Clarke whispered. "I hope she timed it right."

"Shh," Lexa whispered. "We'll talk later."

They didn't resist allowing theirselves to be captured and taken to the dungeons.

  
Anya watched silently in Arkadia as Raven typed at a higher speed than she would've thought possible, the strange language she called 'coding' appearing on the screen. It was brilliant to watch her work, her mind a marvel but she feared for her fearless brunette. Raven would head back into the city of light when she could and Anya would follow and if it failed, they might not make it out at all. 

"I can practically hear you silently brooding from over here," Raven said, still facing forward at the screen.

"I do not wish to interrupt. Heda and Clarke have greatly risked themselves to buy you time to do this but how can you be so sure she wants the flame so badly."

"It's one of the only things that can stop her," Raven said. "She doesn"t know about the one I have or the technology I created. I just need to make sure that she doesn't detect us. She didn't last time but we weren't there long enough. We'll need to reach Alie herself this time."

"Hmm..." Anya said. "You are right."

"Of course I am," Raven teased, turning around for a split second to grin. "When am I not?"

Someone knocked on the door suddenly and both of them stopped. No one was supposed to disturb them right then. Abby had orderd everyone to stay away until Raven completed the task. 

"I'll get it," Anya said, striding over. 

She opened the door to find Monty and Jasper there.

"Hey, need a hand in there. What are you up to?"

No one else at Arkadia but Raven and Anya knew about the plan.

"It's private so no."

Anya expected them to turn and leave but the one they called Jasper was glancing behind her trying to see over her shoulder and something was very off with them.

"We are having some private time," Anya told them. "Sex. We may be some time."

Raven heard but didn't turn her head. 

"Can we just talk a second?"

"No," Anya said. 

She slammed the door and locked it. Raven watched in confusion as she dragged a table over and blocked the door with it.

"What are you doing?"

Anya glanced at her, standing up straight now. 

"They were chipped. I saw it in their eyes. They are working for Alie. I know that look well enough by now."

"Shit! Do you think she's onto us?"

"No," Anya said. "But we probably have less time than we anticipated before she figures it out. You better hurry. Don't stop. I'll guard the door no matter what."

Raven nodded and carried on but Anya knew that this presented a problem for her. If they started attacking Raven while her mind was in the city of light, she would be vulnerable in the real world. Anya would have to stay behind and protect her body.

  
"I really hope this goes to plan," Clarke said as Lexa proceeded to work her knife on the ropes they were bound with.

They were tied together on a cold, dank floor in a cell that Lexa used to keep her prisoners. The cells around them were empty, having been released by Jaha and the only sound was Lexa's dagger grating against the rope as it wore each thread done one by one. 

"Nothing ever goes to plan but plans give us focus. Let's hope Raven is right that they want the flame."

"That's what I'm worried about. What if they rip it right out of your head or kill you?"

"You said this Alie believes she is protecting mankind by creating another praimfaya. She must have a plan for the people to survive. Maybe this city of light is her alternate. That means she wishes as many people to join her as possible. It's plausible that they wish me to relinquish the flame willingly and then join them. That's is what they will try and do."

"If they get me first, whatever I say or do I won't mean it. It won't be me."

"Raven says the flame will protect me and that the chip must be taken by choice. If she somehow gets around the need for choice then we will escape and run. This was only to buy time remember. We don't need to stick around. Aha."

The ropes bounding them fell and they both turned around and hugged. 

"Quick, pretend we are still bound," Lexa urged. "Someone is coming."

They quickly sat back to back again, pretending the rope still bound them as someone Lexa recognised entered. 

"Ontari," Lexa stated. "So you joined too? Nia would be disappointed in you."

Ontari stared at her blankly as if told to watch them, a sword sheathed by her side. 

"Alie wishes for you to join us. Our people will be safe and we can all live in peace."

"Hmm," Lexa said. "Ontari would never call for diplomacy. Alie, I presume? What are your terms?"

Clarke shot a glance over her shoulder, unable to see Ontari but surprised Lexa was even engaging in discussion. 

"As I've said. Join us and everyone will be safe."

"That's not much of a negotiation given that you are the one that endangers them. Maybe go away and think about it and come back when you have a legitimate offer."

Ontari blinked and then turned and left without another word.

"Why were you negotiating with her?" Clarke said under her breath. "You can't make a deal with Alie. She destroyed the world!"

"I won't, but she is a creature of logic is she not. You said she was programmed to be like a person but is not capable of empathy of emotional capacity like a person. She will have assessed my previous actions to be calculating. At the mountain I chose my people and I'm guessing she thinks that I would do it again."

"Oh," Clarke said. "Would you?"

Lexa turned around slowly. 

"No, of course not. Now let's get out of here and create some diversions. The armoury is not far from here."

Clarke reached for her hand and nodded and then watched as Lexa produced a small key that she kept on herself at all times. It was usually tied around her forearm, tucked away neatly, half way up under her sleeves. 

"This master key opens all doors in Polis. Only the current commander and fleimkepas knows of it's existence."

"You really do plan for everything," Clarke said with admiration. 

"As do you," Lexa said with a smirk, "I've just been doing it for longer and have more practise at it."

Clarke smiled back as the door opened and they escaped the cell.


	33. Justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya has to watch as Raven goes into the city of light without her and Clarke and Lexa have another familiar face try to impede their escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - shooting scene, bleeding.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments! I hope you enjoy the chapter.

"Woah, I'm in."

Anya glanced towards Raven whose eyes went wide as her consciousness moved into the connection of the chip. Monty and Jasper had come back, as had many others who were chipped. They had been attacked the door for some time, trying to break it down but so far Anya's barricades were holding. Raven had focussed entirely on her work and now she was ready.

"Be careful," Anya warned her, not sure if she could even hear. 

She felt a sense of concern she should have been used to when one of her people went into battle, but this was different. It was Raven and if she could have been sure that the door would hold, she would have followed Raven there too.

  
Clarke and Lexa hadn't made it far outside the cell when they interrupted. They had barely made it to the door of the room when it swung open and yet another familiar face was there. Lexa gasped but Clarke felt something replace her shock quickly. It was anger and hatred. 

Titus moved forward, closing the door behind him, holding up a small hand gun. 

"Back in the cell. Give me the key."

Clarke glared at him with intensity. He seemed just the same. Had he been chipped? Was it even Titus? He caught Clarke's glare and read it easily.

"No, the answer is that I haven't taken it. You should know better than to think me that foolish."

"Why are you here?" Lexa asked unimpressed by the skaikru weapon in his hand."

"I've sided with Alie. She is the true keeper of the fleim, the one who wants to bring peace to us all."

"She's a programme, an AI designed to seem human but she isn't," Clarke snapped, "and she wants to destroy us all."

"Not me," Titus said, "not our order, only the people who aren't allowed in the bunker. We will be safe below and rise from the ashes as soon as the world recovers and the new time of the fleim will begin."

"God, I almost wish he was chipped then I wouldn't have to listen to this crap!" Clarke retorted. 

Lexa's eagle like eyes were still on the Titus's face, on his movements, flickering down to the gun. She had learned a few things in Arkadia, one was that the gun he held in particular unlike the previous one he'd used, had a safety catch and it was still on. 

"Titus, don't do this," she said calmly. "This is bigger than political games or revenge. This is the world. Alie has told you only what you wish to hear."

"She cannot lie. Unlike humans she has none of our flaws. She will be the best commander we have ever had."

"A true commander would have warned you about the safety catch on that gun before letting you use it," Lexa said. 

Titus glanced down but Lexa performed a few swift moves and disarmed him before he could even blink. As good a fighter as he was, she had learned a few moves from Arkadia from the security team. Jackson had shown her that particular one multiple times. 

She unclicked the safety and had it pointed at him in a second but then handed it to Clarke who pointed it at him and demanded he back away.

"I detest using these weapons," Lexa said, "but she is far more familiar with them and very very angry with you. Let us pass or she will shoot you and I won't be able to stop her."

Titus eyed Clarke warily. She had a firm grimace on her face, wanting nothing more than to punish him for what he'd done to Lexa. He knew that Lexa was giving him a final chance, a last warning.

"I will not," Titus said. "She was the problem. Love is weakness. She has made you-"

Clarke shot him in the stomach and Titus stopped mid sentence.

"I did warn you," Lexa said as if she had expected nothing less. 

He held his bleeding stomach in shock and fell to the ground and Clarke shoved the handgun in the back of her trousers, under her short jacket. 

"Heda," he called, reaching for her.

Lexa pulled away and stepped over him and Clarke stood leaning over him.

"As you lie there, I want you to remember that this was how she felt, that pain, that agonizing pain. Whoever you meant to hit with that bullet, you hit her. You did that to her I will never forgive you for that."

"Clarke," Lexa said quietly, after allowing her a moment, "we must leave. They might have heard the gunshot."

Clarke nodded and stepped over him and they left together hand in hand as Titus bled to death, alone on the floor. 


	34. Amor In Machina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven finally faces Alie in the city of light while Clarke and Lexa are cornered by a mob.

Raven was in the city of light once more but this time she didn't have time to marvel at how impressive a technological feat it was. 

She walked through the city, trying to blend in as she searched for the infinity signs that Becca's programme had left for her.

She was walking calmly when one of the street signs near her flickered. A crossing walk suddenly switched off and then another and another and the crowd began to turn to face her.

"Shit," Raven muttered to herself. 

She set off running at full speed, knowing that Alie had caught wind of her in the programme. The speed she moved confused her until she realised that she was running faster than usual because her leg wasn't damaged in the virtual world and she was pursued by innocent appearing people, dressed in clothes that she had only seen before in pictures. The city of light made her realise just how far removed from the former world she was. She'd grown up in space, on the Ark. This was more alien to her than seeing the ground had been. At least they'd had preparation for that. 

She fled to an alleyway and stopped to rest a moment. 

"I shouldn't be feeling tired," she said. "This simulation is too real."

Raven quickly calculated that her body was beginning to fatigue in real life from her time in the programme. That was a sign that her tech didn't have long before it failed on her again. 

Better move my ass before it does. Last chance. 

She saw the sign she'd programmed on the wall appear. A white raven. Distinct enough to stand out. Just in time too as the angry crowd charged towards her. Raven pushed onto the wall and through it and was suddenly in another room filled with electronic equipment.

"Raven Reyes," Alie said. "It's good to finally meet you. We have much to talk about."

"Save it," Raven said, eyeing the red dress wearing brunette with suspicion. "I know what's on those screens is a lie. The world isn't ending again. I checked the global readings myself from hacking your network. It's just a lie to get everyone in the city of light so you can blow the world up again."

"Starting again is the only way to right the wrong," Alie said. "A select few will be saved to rebuild. You would be a vital addition. Think about how much you could accomplish without your physical limitations."

"My leg? You're really going to try and get to me that way? I'm a human being. We're ALWAYS limited by our physical bodies. I hate to break it to you lady but I have no interest in being a mindless drone in your virtual army."

"Ignore anything she says."

Raven turned to see Becca beside her, appearing much more human, despite being another programme. Brown eyes met her own. 

"She will do anything to complete her objective. I made a massive error with her programming in not allowing for the need for human intervention so as to compensate for the AI's lack of empathy and morality."

"We all make mistakes," Raven shrugged. "Yours destroyed the world. How do I stop it happening again."

Becca pointed to a lever in front of her.

"Really?" Raven asked in mock disbelief. "You attached it to the symbol of a lever?"

"I kept it simple and innocuous to avoid it being easy to find."

"I gotta say I was expecting something more exotic but here goes..."

  
Clarke and Lexa panted as they stopped running half way down the hall. They had escaped Titus only to find a crowd of Alie controlled people chasing them with weapons, ready to take them by force. 

"Do you think they saw which way we went?" Clarke asked. 

"Probably," Lexa said glancing down the hall and then back at the dead end. 

The corridor had been one long damaged by praimfaya and only accessible from one side. 

"They chased us into a dead end," Lexa huffed. "If we don't move soon we'll be trapped."

Clarke glanced over Lexa's shoulder and saw a crowd rushing towards them.

"Spoke too soon."

Lexa drew her swords, seeing many faces she recognised. She grimaced and Clarke raised her gun. 

"I don't want to have to hurt them," Clarke said. "They're not in control of their actions."

"We may have to. I'm not a out to go down without fighting and we are vastly outnumbered."

Clarke nodded. 

" _Together_ ," she said. 

Lexa blinked. 

" _Together_."  
  
They leaned in and kissed, stealing one more in case it was their last and it was tinged with more passion than any kiss they've ever had before. 

"If we get out of this," Lexa said, swinging her sword at few large attackers who charged her as Clarke fired injuring shots at them, "no more hiding our relationship. Our people will just have to deal with it."

"Is this really the time to talk about it," Clarke asked still aiming at targets and landing shots in their legs or non vital organs to slow them down.

"I've been meaning to discuss it with you for a while. I can't die without letting you know."

"We aren't dying here today," Clarke yelled, "and I already know how you feel about me. I would be happy to let the world know that I feel the same."

"There's some things you don't yet know about our culture Clarke. Customs..."

"Whatever I have to do, I'll do it. We'll talk about it later."

Lexa pushed one person back with her leg and then sliced another with blade. 

"No, it must be in the heat of battle. Clarke... it would be a formal declaration of our relationship. Do you wish to be publically united?"

"I agree whatever you are asking. I want to be with _you_."

With the first wave of attackers down they began to think it was gonna be okay but then another, much larger wave of attackers rushed them. 

"Damn, there's so many of them," Clarke said, her gun clicking. "I'm out of bullets."

Lexa was becoming overpowered too as body after body piled upon them to grab them. Lexa reached for Clarke and covered her body with her own.

"Have no fear. I will protect you until the end. I will be with you _always_."

They both hugged and closed their eyes, huddled on the floor and then the sounds stopped. Clarke opened her eyes.

"Raven did it," Clarke said increduously.   
  
Lexa opened her eyes and glanced around. All of the people had backed away and were standing confused and disorientated as their minds returned to them.

"Remind me to thank Raven later."

Lexa turned back to Clarke and stole another kiss from her, not caring who was watching, wrapping a hand around the back of her neck to kiss her with all her heart and soul.

  
Raven awoke in the room in Arcadia to find it in a much more dishevelled appearance than when she had left it. Unconscious Arkers lay sprawled around her and Anya stood beside her, mildly bruised as if she had been in the fight of her life. Her hair was mussed and her clothing slightly torn. 

"Welcome back," Anya said, dryly. "Is it done?"

Raven glanced over the sheer amount of people Anya had taken out alone with awe. Then she laughed and threw herself at the older woman and kissed her senseless. Anya responded with a little more fatigue, clearly more tired from fighting and Raven drew back, hanging her arms around Anya's neck playfully.

"What is this? What we're doing? I know I acted like I didn't want more than sex, but this feels like a relationship and what's weirder is that I don't mind calling it that at all."

"It's been a relationship for some time now," Anya said. "I see no reason to disagree with that assessment."

Raven grinned and hugged her. 

"Right, let me tell you about what I found out. They had a lever... I mean seriously a lever! That's like an off button or a 1234 password..."

Raven carried on as they both exited the room and headed to find chancellor Abby to give her the good news. Anya just listened, walking with, one arm casually around Raven's back 


	35. The Best Kind of Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa begin to return to some sense of normality in Polis and start to move forward. Raven and Octavia talk about Lincoln and Clarke  
> moving on while Clarke holds an art class with the natblidas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the chapter and are all well. 
> 
> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Gonnageda Podiyen - Warrior union ceremony/Marriage
> 
> Ai houmon - spouse/wife

Dealing with the aftermath of Alie was not easy. Lexa had to keep everyone calm and answer all their questions, keeping everything from boiling over into civil war. They sent word to Arkadia that they were safe but were so busy that it wasn't until they both crashed into Lexa's large Polis bed in a fury of exhaustion that they managed even to get some time alone.

They both lay on their backs side by side and took a moment's peace to drink it all in. 

"So...," Clarke said first, breaking the silence, "what does this ceremony entail?" 

Lexa who'd already had her eyes closed opened one eye and then the other and they both turned onto their sides to face each other. 

Clarke's eyes were full of expectation and warmth, a smile on her lips, her arm tucked under her head on the pillow. 

"I promise I will explain all this to you in due course but can we just rest for tonight? Between fighting for our lives and preventing the clans from falling apart, I'm pretty exhausted."

"Sure," Clarke said with a smile and she leaned over and kissed Lexa on the cheek. 

Lexa smiled and Clarke cuddled up to her, wrapping an arm around her waist as Lexa turned over to rest. It was warmth and so much more comfortable than the beds at Arkadia and Clarke kissed the top of Lexa's shoulder, inhaling her sweet scent and nuzzling into it before relaxing. 

"I've missed this," Clarke just whispered and Lexa knew that she meant the bed, Lexa's bed or rather their bed now and cuddling up together at night under warm furs. 

She made a mental note to have some furs and better better sent to the Ark ahead of time, the next time they were staying there as Clarke seemed far more comfortable with them than the worn, limited fabrics of Skaikru. 

"Reshop Klarke," Lexa answered, already feeling the sweetness of sleep take her for the night. 

  
"Have you heard from them?"

Octavia strode into Raven's quarters, ignoring the sight of a half naked Anya snoring in Raven's bunk bed as she sat up tinkering with a radio. 

"Shh.." Raven warned, in a hushed voice. "She fought half of Arkadia last night. Clarke and Lexa are fine. They sent a message that they needed to stay and deal with the clans before they erupt into chaos."

"Right," Octavia said, "should've guessed they weren't coming back for a while. Lot of that going around."

Raven lifted her head quickly. She knew something was off with Octavia. 

"Lincoln?" she asked. 

"He's not coming back," Octavia said. "Wants to stay with Luna where there's no violence. After the mountain I don't think he can take it anymore."

"That sucks," Raven said. "But hey you could always date Murphy!"

Raven grinned knowing that Octavia had no interest in him at all.

"Ha ha," Octavia said. "We aren't breaking up. I can go and visit him. He just won't be around much I guess and now Clarke has left again."

"We can visit her too you know. There's nothing to stop us going to Polis to see her. Lincoln might change his mind when things calm down."

"He might," Octavia said trying to sound cheerful, but she sounded far from convinced. "Anyway, see you at breakfast?"

Raven grinned and glanced over her shoulder at Anya.

"If I can this one out of bed yeah sure."

  
Clarke awoke in a very cheerful mood. Lexa was already up but had left a note on her pillow saying that she didn't want to wake her and Clarke was in love. So much in love she was, that she had never smiled so much as she'd dressed before and headed to see the natblidas. She'd promised before she'd left Polis to show them some art skills and have a drawing lesson with them and Lexa had thought it might be good to include in their lessons occassionally. 

She spent several hours with Aden and the others, showing them how to draw numerous shapes and objects and how to smudge their drawings to create different light shades. 

"Are you and Heda getting married?" one of them asked. 

Clarke smiled at him. His name was Jak, a smaller dark haired boy with brown eyes and an innocence about him. He was one of the youngest of them but had the seriousness that all natblidas seemed to have. 

"What makes you ask that?" she deflected. 

Jak glanced at Aden ask if asking for help. 

"It's been rumoured that you are going to have a formal ceremony," Aden told her. "Jak is just repeating what he's heard."

Clarke frowned not sure why that rumour was going around. So far as most knew they had only kissed in public in Polis the one time. 

"Well, Jak," Clarke said. "I am very fond of Heda but it might be a little early to talk of that."

Just as she spoke all of the natblidas around her suddenly stood to attention as Lexa's voice rang out commanding them in trigedasleng to get to their feet. 

Clarke stood up too as Lexa in full commander gear entered rather formally, assessing the progress her natblidas's had made with their art. She walked with her hands clasped together behind her back right up to Clarke. 

"Have my natblida's been conducting themselves with honour today Clarke kom skaikru?"

Clarke smiled at her formality, recognising that Lexa was keeping up appearances while still finding the time to drop by and see how the art class went.

"They have commander. They are a credit to you."

Clarke could see how they all puffed their chests out with pride at her words and it filled her with warmth. 

"I have come to discuss the formalities of the ceremony with you if you would like," Lexa said. "Natblida's ambassador Clarke has agreed to the gonnageda podiyen."

"Really?" Jak said, his eyes lighting up. "So she's staying for good?"

"If she wishes to," Lexa said smiling at Clarke knowingly. 

Clarke's eyes flickered down to that smile and back and down to Lexa's long legs in those form fitting commander clothes. 

"Oh I very much wish to."

"Lessons are over for today," Lexa informed them, "to celebrate our upcoming event. You may take the rest of the day off."

The kids all grinned, thrilled with getting a day off and Clarke smiled at how they all failed to hide just how thrilled they were. 

They filed out of the room and Clarke moved into Lexa's space. 

"You didn't come to talk about the ceremony yet did you?" Clarke asked in a droll tone. 

Lexa's smile widened. 

"No, I did not Klarke."

Clarke grinned back and Lexa took her hand and they hurried out and to her bedroom for some privacy, thinking that at least the children's classroom should be spared from their passions. They didn't make it to the bed, falling onto Lexa's couch, Clarke on top of her as they made out in their shared room, stealing as much private time as they could. 

"I cannot wait to make you ai houmon," Lexa breathed, her lips mouthing over Clarke's skin, kissing every free patch of it she could find.

"Wait, what?"

Clarke pulled back, visibly confused and Lexa gazed up at her with equal confusion. 

"The ceremony? Isn't that what we agreed?"

Clarke sat back on her legs, it slowly dawning on her what was happening.

"That's why Jak thought we were getting married."

Lexa sat up slowly, a fear in her eyes that Clarke had never seen. She looked as if she wished the floor would swallow her whole, embarrassed by the whole mix up.

"I thought you just meant that we announce we are in a relationship."

Lexa seemed deeply disappointed with her words but she conceded easily. 

"If you wish," she said turning away to go.

Clarke grabbed her arm quickly.

"Wait, Lexa..." 

Lexa was frozen to her spot, watching Clarke with intensity, awaiting her words as if they held her very fate in her hands. Clarke just seemed to be thinking. 

"Do you really want that? To marry me? I thought it would be too soon."

Lexa seemed too embarrassed to answer but Clarke loosened the grip on her arm and took her hand gently instead. 

"Tell me," Clarke said softly. "We need to talk about this."

Lexa sighed deeply, gazing into her eyes as if she wanted Clarke more than anything in the world. 

"I want to marry you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life."

Clarke blinked, stunned into silence as she gazed back into Lexa's rich, green eyes.

"But if you do not wish to, I will announce our relationship formally but not as a marriage, as a partnership based upon love..."

Lexa was flustering and it was adorable. Clarke's heart was melting with each second. 

"Don't do that," she said quietly. "I haven't said no have I?"

Lexa's brows rose but she was still confused. 

"I don't want to misunderstand again."

"No misunderstanding," Clarke said, with a smile. "I'll do the ceremony, just so we're clear, the wedding ceremony. But we kinda have to break out relationship to skaikru first before we tell my mom and everyone we're getting married."

A warm smile spread across Lexa's lips, widening with each passing second and Clarke smiled back in complete understanding this time as they reached for each other. Their kiss was filled with something else this time, not just passion but elation and clarity and Clarke knew that in that moment, she could never have refused Lexa and saw that deep disappointment on her face for she wanted nothing more than to spend her life making Lexa smile. 


	36. Returning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa return to Arkadia to break their news and Lexa and Indra talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Fleimkepa - Flamekeeper  
> Fos - First  
> Mochof - Thanks

Clarke and Lexa rode to Arkadia with huge grins on their faces. This time they need not hide their smiles. Word was already beginning to spread of their relationship and they hoped to get to Arkadia before it reached Clarke's mom and she learned of it second hand. 

When they entered the gates, things were much more settled, a few weeks having passed and they were both still half giddy with excitement at sharing their news.

"You're worried," Lexa noted as she saw Abby's mom walking towards them in the distance.

"Not about my mom, about my friends. Some of them don't even know about us let alone about -" Clarke smiled at Lexa her eyes sparkling at the thought of it, "you know."

Lexa's fingers brushed over Clarke's own, through her fingerless gloves and joined their hands. She kept hold, no long needing to worry about showing affection in public, glad to be able to do what came naturally to her. 

Abby's eyes drifted down to their hands and back as her daughter blinked and raised her chin. 

"Everything okay?" Abby asked. 

Clarke smiled and glanced at Lexa.

"Everything is great. We aren't here purely for politics, well we are sort of."

Clarke was faltering and Lexa kept her shoulders straight beside her, maintaining an air of confidence. Much as she wanted to help, this was Clarke's mother, Clarke's people and she knew that she needed to do this herself.

"I see," Abby said.

"We should talk inside," Clarke said quickly. 

Clarke glanced at Lexa who let go of her hand and nodded. 

"Heda," Indra greeted. 

"Indra," Lexa replied. "Has Pike been recovered after his escape during the siege of Polis?"

"He has," Indra said with a sneer. "He groans like a child and utters nonsense while we hold him. If it fortune for him that we no long follow the old ways. He would not last long with a thousand cuts."

"Whatever he has done, he was considered an honoured teacher," Lexa said through gritted teeth. "As much as I would love nothing more than to kill him myself, our treatment of him must show that we understand his importance to skaikru."

"I miss the old ways," Indra grumbled, "but I agree. He will be taken to Polis until his sentencing."

"I would like you to personally see to this," Lexa told her. "There is no one I trust more with this task."

"Not Anya?" Indra joked, in a better humour than Lexa had seen her for some time. "If you can pry her away from the skaigada."

Lexa fought the hint of a smile on her lips.

"Is Gaia well?" Indra asked carefully.

"Very," Lexa told her. "Your daughter is strong and has take over as head _fleimkepa_. She is her mother's daughter."

"No she isn't. She is far too concerned with the spirit of the flame but she has my stubborness through and through and no amount of talk will change her mind on that."

Though Indra didn't say it, Lexa knew that she loved her daughter very much, even though they rarely saw eye to eye. Gaia and Indra were more alike sometimes than they knew but Lexa knew that neither would dare to admit it.

"I hear congratulations are on order," Indra said.

Lexa turned her head, not surprised that word had reached Indra.

"Has word reached the rest of Arkadia?"

"No, my heda," Indra remarked, holding eye contact, "but news travels fast and the ambassador of skaikru and the commander of the twelve clans do not get engaged every day. I'm assuming that's why you are both here."

"You assume correct," Lexa said. "I will be inviting you to the ceremony as an honoured guest. Anya as my _fos_ will of course be required to be a part of it but I would very much like you to attend."

"Really?" Indra asked, a little surprised.

"Had she not returned I would have offered you that role Indra. You are the finest warrior in all the clans. I would have been proud for you to honour us."

Indra was rarely a woman who showed her emotions, usually preferring actions over words but something flickered in her resilient, brown eyes that showed that it meant something to her.

"I would be honoured Heda."

That was the closest she would get Indra to admitting that she cared at all but Lexa would take it gladly. 

" _Mochof_ ," Lexa said. "I will send word when the time comes."

  
Clarke suddenly exited the Ark with her mother and they were both smiling and Lexa let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding. She had told her mother then and it had gone well. Now it was just the Arkadian's and the 100 she had to worry about.

Clarke smiled as she returned to Lexa, taking her hand again. 

"She's happy for us," she whispered. 

Clarke leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek and Lexa squeezed her hand until someone called Clarke's name and she darted away towards someone who wanted her attention as Lexa watched her move through the people with ease.

"I guess it was only a matter of time before you wed her," Indra said, a Lexa continued to gaze longingly at her soon to be wife. "You always did look at her as if she held the stars in the sky."

Lexa couldn't deny it but she out of habit she immediately became more stern and adopted her commander attitude in front of Indra.

"Clarke is a fine warrior and an ambassador. It is a relationship based upon mutual respect and she is a very suitable partner for a commander."

"Of course Heda," Indra said, with a knowing glint in her eye. "That's why you are marrying her."

Lexa pressed her lips together firmly and frowned, knowing that she had never fooled Indra for a second. 


	37. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa enjoy some alone time before facing the delinquents to break the news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Contains smut and scenes of a sexual nature

Clarke yawned and stretched in her bed in Arkadia, ready to face the day. She glanced over at Lexa who was sleeping next to her half on her side and half on her back. Lexa always stayed in exactly the same position she fell asleep and she seemed so peaceful like that. Clarke traced one finger over Lexa's chestnut hair, ghosting over it gently and then pushing it back from her face. She touched Lexa's cheek, skimming it with her half closed hand and then leaned in and placed her lips onto Lexa's. 

She nuzzled Lexa's nose and lowered her head into Lexa's shoulder deciding to spend a little more time in bed. 

"You're awake early," Lexa muttered. 

Clarke lifted her head, ever so slightly, seeing Lexa's eyes opening, their green colour appearing almost blue under the rays of the Ark's artificial lights. 

"Well I have a busy day ahead of me."

Lexa sighed and shifted to face her. She brushed her lips over Clarke's, both of them content to stay in the moment for a little longer. 

"Do you want me to be there when you tell them? You don't have to do this alone."

Lexa's voice was light, with no trace of the commander's authority in these moments, only Lexa. 

"You don't have to," Clarke said, that noticable crinkle in her nose, that always made Lexa smile. 

"I want to," Lexa said, "we are in this together and I know that they haven't always been exactly understanding about your decisions."

Clarke sighed. 

"Are you sure you want to be there? It might get intense."

ALexa traced over Clarke's hips under the covers, drawing her body closer with her hands. 

"I can deal with intense. We do this together okay?"

Clarke smiled and nodded and then sought out Lexa's mouth for another kiss. Lexa received it willingly and soon Clarke was turning her over onto her back and the kiss was becoming more heated. 

It didn't take long before heated become Clarke's hands on Lexa's knees as she kissed her way down Lexa's torso and guided herself inbetween Lexa's legs. Lexa closed her eyes as she lay on her back as Clarke woke her up properly. She let the sensations fill her body with fire, her skin flushed, her breathing labored as Clarke's tongue worked her centre and she fought to keep her moans from becoming too loud. Eventually she gasped and shuddered, her hands fumbling in Clarke's blonde hair, not even sure when they had made their way to the back of her head. Clarke didn't stop after her first orgasm and Lexa found herself throwing her head back and gasping aloud, a moan escaping her lips as Clarke played her body like an artist. 

"Aaah _Klarke_."

Lexa's legs trembled under Clarke's strong hands as she rode out her intense crescendo of passion until it's climax.

Some time later Anya and Raven were waiting in one of the engineering rooms when Monty and Jasper arrived. Then Bellamy followed and then Octavia and Miller and Murphy. Soon all the remaining members of the delinquents were there. 

"You too? Anyone know what this is about?" Bellamy asked. 

No one seemed to have an idea but then Raven muttered to herself.

"Oh shit."

"What?" Anya asked under her breath.

"They're going to tell everyone."

Anya didn't seem to understand but Raven gestured with her brows.

"You know _tell_."

Realisation dawned on Anya suddenly. 

"Oh _tell_."

Clarke and Lexa entered just at that moment and Raven noticed that Clarke was wearing one of Lexa's grounder jackets. Lexa similarly was wearing one of Clarke's shirts. 

Murphy threw his hands up. 

"Finally, what is this about?"

"So... some of you already know about this but we wanted to tell you all before we make it public here to everyone else."

Raven coughed. 

"You sure you want to do this?" she asked Clarke under her breath. 

"Yes," Clarke said, nodding. "Okay so here goes. Lexa and I are engaged."

Everyone in the room save for Anya and Raven was shocked. 

"Engaged!" Octavia spluttered, throwing her hands up. "I mean I knew you were seeing each other but engaged?"

"You knew?" Bellamy accused her. "When did this happen? Clarke if this is some political thing..."

"It isn't," Clarke said. "I love her. I-" Clarke reached for Lexa's hand. "We want to get married. I already said yes."

"I didn't even know you were together," Monty asked. "When did this happen?"

"This explains everything," Jasper snapped. "The mountain. Why you forgave her for betraying us?"

"Geez you guys really didn't know," Murphy groaned. "I've known for ages. Ever since-"

Clarke eyes were on him immediately, silently begging him not to talk about it and he stopped. 

"Since you know what," he said, waving his hand. 

Clarke exhaled and closed her eyes for a split second as the questions were fired at her for the next few minutes. Lexa held her hand the whole time. 

"That's enough," Lexa suddenly said, a few after someone accused Clarke of being disloyal to her people for a second time. "Clarke has always put her people first, as have I and this conversation is a courtesy only. You have no say on who she chooses to love."

"She's right," Monty said quietly. "We should be pleased for them. Congratulations Clarke."

He reached for Clarke to hug her and suddenly everyone else followed suit congratulating her and the tension in the room drained out quickly. 

"Do you have a ring yet?" Harper asked. 

"A ring?" Lexa repeated, confused. 

"It's er- a skaikru custom. I'll explain later. Grounders don't exchange rings. It's a little different."

Lexa frowned still but made a mental note to find out more about skaikru marriage customs later but then Clarke squeezed her hand and shot a smile at her and she felt nothing but joy. 


	38. Divided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa find themselves disagreeing after something happens that points to a skaikru rebellion but all is not as it seems.

"Well that went better than expected," Clarke said, taking of her jacket as they undressed for bed that evening. "Only a few disgruntled voices and accusations of being a traitor from some of the people."

Lexa fiddled with her packed things as if searching for something specific. 

"Yes," she said raising one brow and glancing at her, "I think everyone is feeling a little foolish still for being under Alie's influence. It is oddly quiet."

Clarke crossed the room sensing something wasn't quite right.

"What are you searching for?"

"A ring," Lexa said. "I don't think I have any. Raven explained that it is a key custom among your people and I want to respect that."

"Lexa, I don't need a ring to marry you."

"I know," Lexa said glancing up at her, "but I want to get you one. This will all go better if your people see this as a marriage of both our cultures not just mine."

Clarke sat herself down on the bed noticing that Lexa still seemed distracted. 

"There's something else. What is it?"

Lexa stopped and stood up slowly, seating herself down beside Clarke on the edge of the bed. She sighed and then gazed at Clarke.

"It is Pike. I received word that he escaped earlier today."

"What?" Clarke said. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Lexa shrugged.

"I wanted you to enjoy the moment of our announcement."

"Hey I don't need protecting," Clarke said defiantly. 

Lexa reached for her but she snatched her arm away and walked across the room. Lexa followed swiftly. 

"I'm sorry," she said. "There's more to this than you know. Someone broke him out and we need to find out who."

Lexa gently touched the side of Clarke's arm, not sure if the girl would pull away again. When Clarke didn't she leaned in further and Clarke tilted her head back towards Lexa thoughtfully.

"Do you think it was some of my people?"

"I don't know," Lexa said. "Indra said it was organized. They got him in and out in a quick siege. Guns don't seem to have been used but we confiscated all the guns so they could have adapted and used some of our weapons."

"Could it have been Azgeda?"

"No, they have no reason to do this. They are satisfied with Prince Roan's rule. No clan would have reason at this moment to sabotage the alliance. Everyone was still reeling from Alie."

Clarke turned, still glaring defiantly but her jaw not quite as set as it was before as her anger dissipated. 

"So I'm guessing you already sent someone to track him down."

Lexa's jaw twitched now and Clarke recognised that tell. It was only when Lexa was angry or frustrated and trying not to show it that she did that. 

"That's the problem. We have no trail to him. Whoever took him didn't leave one."

Clarke frowned. 

"It can't have been Arker's then. As Anya explained it my people are noisy and clumsy in the woods. Of course she said we stink too or rather that I did, right before slapping some mud on my face."

Despite herself, Lexa broke out into an amused smile, a chuckle eminating from her lips.

Clarke's eyes shot to Lexa's in sheer surprise at her laughing. 

"Did she really do that?" Lexa asked, unable to hide her amusement.

"Yes and she said it all in a less flattering way than I did. I'm being polite."

Lexa was gazing down at Clarke's lips and back now, gazing at her in that dreamy way she did when she did when Clarke was being adorably humourous.

"You being polite?" Lexa joked. 

Clarke reached her arms around Lexa's waist and drew her closer to her with a grin.

"I'm always polite."

"Like when you kicked one of my men into my tent at gunpoint to disagree with me, or backed me into my own table. I didn't even call for you."

Clarke's eyes twinkled mischievously, her lips bare inches from Lexa's.

"I think that you enjoyed that more than you are willing to admit," she murmoured, "and I'm well aware that you changed the subject. Next time don't try to protect me. I want to know something that affects my people."

"I understand," Lexa said. "We will find out who is behind this but it means-"

"-that Pike will have to die," Clarke said quietly realising that position Lexa was now in. "You gave him a chance under the new laws and he has become a symbol of rebellion for others to utilise."

"I have no wish to execute him," Lexa said, "but no one will tolerate him being spared again, not when he is a threat."

Clarke nodded in understanding.

"I'll break the news to mom tomorrow. Tell her to keep it quiet while we investigate."

Lexa let out a soft breath and Clarke realised that she had been worried to tell Clarke this, that she feared politics would one day come between them. Clarke feared it too sometimes but she was determined to make it work with Lexa. She had never loved anyone the way she had her. Not even close and she wouldn't throw it away needlessly. 

"Are you tired?" Lexa asked.

Clarke smiled again, so in love with those hopeful green eyes that it hurt. 

"Not yet," she said, her lips curving wider. 

Lexa's smiled widened and she claimed Clarke's lips as her own and they began to undress.

  
A Week Later

"I don't believe this. You really expect me to to do this again? They are going to hit the village with a missile. We need to stop them!"

"If I sent an entire army Louwoda Kliron we couldn't stop it. We are storming the mountain as we speak. Pike will be taken down as will the dissenters. We have no time to warn then. This is the best option."

Clarke yanked her arm away from Lexa, watching as her mom and friends all sided with her fiancée. Ever since Pike had escaped, it had been chaos. Random attacks on hunting parties, the sabotaging of supplies. They had failed at every turn to recapture Pike and now he was calling them from the remains of mount weather warning about the destruction of another grounder village. 

"The mountain was destroyed. How did he even get the missile?" Lexa said. "It could be a bluff."

"Or one could have survived. They were designed to withstand a lot. He could have repaired some of the systems if he had help from Emerson and we released him. It isn't too much of a stretch to think that there was a secondary missile system hidden in there too."

"It is possible," Raven said, "but Lexa is right. If they plan to release it, there's no time to help them."

Clarke couldn't believe that it was happening again. All Lexa and her had done was argue over Pike. They had tried to keep politics from dividing them but Lexa fundamentally was a pragmatist and Clarke could not stand by and let it happen again without at least trying this time.

"I won't do it again," Clarke warned. 

"The decision is made," Lexa said, "your mother, the clans and I all agreed that this is all we can do. We are closing in on Pike as we speak. My people lead the charge with a radio."

Clarke shook her head. 

"I need some air."

Lexa watched her, hating that this was coming between them again. 

"Let her go," Abby said, "she knows that there is no time to warn them. She just always wants to try and save everyone."

"Like her mother," Lexa noted. "I should go and speak to her."

Abby nodded but when Lexa headed outside she could not see Clarke. She scanned around, growing more and more concerned but could not see her.

"Indra," she called, "where is Clarke?"

"She asked for her horse and rode to warn the village. She told me that you allowed it."

"I didn't."

The horror of what Clarke had done began to hit her. Clarke could die and she knew that Lexa could not chase her down without abandoning her duties. 

Lexa stared off into the distance torn yet again between her duty and her love. 

"Call for Anya immediately," she snapped, "she is the fastest rider we have. We need to stop her."


	39. Wild at Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tries to warn the village but fails and Lexa fears the worst when she learns that the missile struck Shallow Valley. Clarke is taken hostage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation 
> 
> Chon yu laik? Hakon yu kamp raun hir? - Who are you? What are you doing here?  
> Chicha op! Nau! - Speak up now?

As Clarke rode through the woods, she remembered the last time she had been alone in them. It felt like forever since her self imposed exile. Ever since Polis and Lexa, those memories had begun to fade and even when they threatened to draw her back into that place, Lexa had been there to guide her back, a constant rock even as she had spat it back in her face. 

_There wasn't enough time._

The thought rang out in her head over and over again. Lexa was right, as always. She was infuriatingly right but Clarke had to try. She just had to. She couldn't sit by and let another attack be on her conscience without trying. Especially since it was likely Pike and Emerson who were behind it. 

And both were on her. Pike for her convincing Lexa to spare him and Emerson for the mountain and not killing him when she had the chance. 

She was in sight of the village but she knew somehow, already knew that she would be too slow. She pushed forward faster on the strong steed that Lexa had gifted her. As always her gift had been as practical as it was a grand gesture. 

_Almost there. You'll be able to shout, to warn them._

Before she could blink the missile hit hard on Louwoda kliron, rocking the Shallow Valley and all who were in it. Her horse reared back and knocked her off and the pain as she hit the ground was the last thing she remembered. 

  
Lexa wanted nothing more than to race after Clarke. Twice she had announced that she was going to do just that, only tempered by Anya who reasoned with her that Clarke would be okay and that they were almost inside the mountain. When the radio clicked she grabbed the device as quickly as possible only to hear the words she had been dreading.

"We got them but the missile was launched. They hit the valley."

Lexa felt her heart break in two at the loss and all of her fears rushed to the surface.

_Clarke. She can't be gone. They can't be gone. They can't._

Anya gripped her shoulders. 

"She could still have escaped the blast. We do not mourn until the battle is over."

Lexa nodded though she couldn't bear it. Anya was trying to remind her of her lessons. Lexa clung to them now but in her heart she knew that if Clarke was gone... She swallowed the lump in her throat, not wanting to let herself believe it just yet. Anya was right. Clarke was fierce and strong. She might have survived and her people needed her now. 

"Gather the army and rescue supplies. We will go to aid any survivors. Send for chancellor Abby. We will have need of her medical expertise in this."

Anya obeyed, leaving Lexa alone in the room with Raven, who had been manning the radio. Lexa paced back and forth.

"Anya's right you know. Even at the fastest speeds my guess is she wouldn't have made it there in time."

Lexa merely glanced at her, knowing that she wouldn't rest until Clarke was back in her arms.

"I guess you would see this as justice," Lexa said, "after what I did to your beloved."

Raven stopped fiddling with the radio and stared at her as if weighing up exactly what she meant by that. 

"Finn? You're comparing this to Finn. Difference was you executed him. Or rather Clarke did that to spare him the pain of your _justice_."

"I misspoke," Lexa said, realising that she was allowing her emotions to get the better of her. 

She was just so worried, so so worried. She needed to know Clarke was safe. She had to know.

"I stand by my decision but Clarke has shown me that there can be another way besides blood must have blood."

Raven raised a brow but calmed a little.

"You're upset. I get that. We don't have the best history. I loved Finn, even after all that happened, even after what he did. We were at war and he lost himself. I've thought about that a lot, what he did. If it had been one of you that had killed some helpless Ark kids... maybe we would have demanded the same."

"She was very brave," Lexa murmoured. "She loved him in her own way, Clarke and yet she risked her own life to prevent his suffering. It was remarkable that she even got the blade past Indra."

"Yeah, that's Clarke. Always gets all the shit for her decisions even though she's the only one willing to make them. We've not made it easy for her."

"Believed me I've noticed," Lexa said dryly, "but people always have high expectations for their leaders, as they should."

Lexa sat down beside Raven, somehow wanting to feel closer to Clarke by being around her friend. 

"I can't bear the thought that she might be-" 

Lexa couldn't finish the words and Raven glanced at her. 

"Me either. Not Clarke."

"We ride out in a moment," Lexa said. "You should come, be there to greet her."

Raven smiled suddenly, understanding now the strength that Clarke saw in Lexa. Even in the worst moments she had a mental resilence unmatched by most. 

"Sure Commander. I can teach you all about our wedding traditions on the way."

Lexa thought carefully about this.

"Of course. I can teach you some of ours too. In case Anya ever asks."

Clarke awoke to the sound of water, without her horse or things. She was by a lake, confused and injured. She sat up and saw a young girl, about twelve years old gutting a fish in front of her. She seemed to be all alone. Clarke sat up and glanced around and saw the devastation of the village which had been utterly destroyed. 

" _Chon yu bilaik. Hakon yu kamp raun hir_?"

Clarke blinked as the child brandished a bloody dagger and pushed it to her throat. 

" _Chicha op! Nau!_ "

Clarke glanced over the brunette realising with some shock exactly who she reminded her of. 

"Lexa?" she said in a daze, still dizzy from the head injury. 

Clarke tried to focus, knowing that she was likely still wounded and seeing things but the image could not be shaken from her mind. Despite the grey, blue eyes, something about the way her jaw clenched and the way she narrowed her eyes was too familiar to her. It was then that she noticed a minor cut on the girl's leg, healed into dried black blood.

"Nightblood?" Clarke said. 

The girl clenched her jaw again and swung the back of the blade at her, knocking her out cleanly with the handle. 

"You just sealed your fate," the girl said to herself, speaking in clear English now.


	40. Held Hostage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa searches for Clarke but cannot find any sign of her while Madi refuses to let Clarke leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Madi is twelve going on thirteen in this fanfic and is a little older than in canon when Clarke finds her. 
> 
> Also please can I remind people that hate comments, rude comments, flaming and excessively negative unconstructive criticism will be deleted. I don't mind feedback but please keep it positive and friendly. I am always open to hearing where people would like the story to go but hate towards particular choices I've made here will be deleted. I neither hate or condone any character or their actions in the show and won't be drawn into arguments over it. Malexandria none of your comments will be approved now so just stop. You've pushed it too far.

Lexa reached Shallow Valley and all she found was devastation. Every one of the occupants had been killed, not a single person was found alive. Lexa scoured each body for Clarke fearing the worst but found no sign of her. There were recent horse tracks just outside the village but no way of knowing who's horse it had belonged too.

"She's not here," Lexa said, turning over another body. 

"That means she survived the blast," Anya said, patting her shoulder. "That's good."

"No, it means that either she was injured and moved away or someone took her. Check everywhere."

Lexa knew in her heart that Clarke would have never left the scene of the village without burying the bodies or checking for survivors. Not Clarke. 

_Where are you? Are you hurt? Please come back to me ai hodness._

Lexa didn't show any sign of her feelings on the outside. To anyone else she was always the commander, collected and fearless. On the inside she was far from collected.

She kneeled to touch a spot of blood on the ground, narrowing her eyes as she rubbed it between her fingers. It was blacker than it should be. 

  
Clarke awoke in an enclosed space with a throbbing pain at the back of her head. She reached back and found dried blood in her hair. She sat up and scanned her surroundings. There was a very small campfire and the young girl was stoking it with a branch.

"Where am I?" Clarke asked, eyeing the young girl. 

"Somewhere no one will find you," Madi said calmly. 

Her long dark hair, was combed but untamed, like she had never learned how to manage it. She had no braids, no markings, no tattoos. Most grounder children had some signs of the warrior culture that permeated most of their lives. 

"Who are you?" Clarke asked. "You don't have the markings of an outsider. Why aren't you in Polis with the other natblidas?"

Madi turned her head and scowled at her and once again, Clarke saw Lexa in her expression. It was remarkable how similar in mannerisms they were, if not completely in appearance. 

"You ask too many questions? What about you? Are you a flamekeeper? You have no braids but flamekeeper are warriors too. Who are you?"

"I'm not one of your people," Clarke said, "well not entirely. I lived in the sky for most of my life."

Madi stared at her as if she thought she was an idiot. 

"You expect me to believe that? The sky?"

Clarke pursed her lips, realising that she couldn't talk to Madi as if she was a baby. She clearly had some intelligence. 

"When I say the sky, I mean in a ship in space. My people escaped there before praimfaya to survive. We didn't know anyone had survived down here, and for the record I am not a fleimkepa."

"I can't let you leave," Madi said calmly. "You know what I am. No one can know what I am. My family died hiding me under the floor. When the fleimkepa came for me, I saw him through the cracks. He murdered them all but they wouldn't give me up."

Clarke raised her chin. She knew how that felt, losing a parent and being helpless to stop it. 

"The fleimkepa. Was he bald?"

Madi paused and then nodded slowly. 

"Titus," Clarke cursed. 

"You know him?" Madi asked. 

"I killed him," Clarke told her. "He betrayed someone I loved, almost killed her."

Madi stoked the fire again, turning to stare into the flames thoughtfully.

"Besides," Clarke said, "how will you even stop me leaving? I have a gun."

Clarke moved to her hip and found the gun missing and she realised that Madi had taken all of her supplies.

"Where is it?" Clarke demanded. "I need to get home. I have things to deal with there."

And someone to get back to she mused. 

"You really aren't understanding that I've kidnapped you are you?" Madi said dryly. 

Clarke rushed forward to escape but Madi swept her leg and knocked her on her back. Clarke tried again and Madi sighed and picked up a staff resting against the wall and spun around gracefully, dropping her in seconds. 

Clarke stopped when she realised that Madi was far more skilled a warrior than an ordinary child. She had seen how good some of the natblida's were even with their constant training but Madi seemed exceptionally skilled for her age.

"Who taught you to fight?" Clarke asked, sitting up, more curious than embarrassed at being so easily beaten.

"My father at first," Madi said. "He taught me gonasleng as well and mother taught me to spear a fish and to make a fire. At least until..."

Clarke leaned forward, wrapping her arms around her own knees. 

"How old were you, when they were taken from you?"

"Eight," Madi replied. "I've stayed hidden out here ever since. I was hunting when I saw the missile but I couldn't warn them. I wasn't fast enough."

Clarke frowned. 

"Me either," she said with sadness. "What's your name?"

"Madi," the girl said. "I guess you can know that."

"I'm Clarke. Pleased to meet you."

Madi glanced at Clarke thoughtfully but Clarke could see that she still didn't trust her yet. 

_This is going to take some time_ Clarke thought. _She hasn't survived this long by being foolish._


	41. The Unseen Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa begins to suspect another enemy was involved in the attack on Shallow Valley and Clarke finds herself feeling protective of Madi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely comments. I hope you are well. 
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations
> 
> Naumads - Nomads  
> Stelt Hosas - Stealth Riders

Lexa marked the passing of the people of Shallow Valley with fire and a solemn vow to bring those responsible to justice. Clarke's absence lay heavy on her spirit but the lack of a body brought her hope. Until she found Clarke either way she could not rest and each moment she was gone, Lexa grew more foul tempered. 

"What now?" Lexa snapped as Anya entered the tent she'd had erected. 

Anya lowered her brows in disapproval of her tone but said nothing of it. 

"We found something unusual just outside the village, near the sands."

Lexa lowered her eyes and followed Anya out into the outskirts of the valley. 

"Footprints," Lexa noted, scouring the scores of prints in the sand. "Dozens of them."

"Heavy prints," Anya noted, kneeling down. "The armour weighed them down. Emerson and Pike's men would not have come this far when they had the missile. Why this village? They are searching for something."

"Or someone," Lexa said, narrowing her eyes. 

She glanced into the distance and then back towards the village.

"This makes no sense," Anya said. "Breaking out Pike, using Emerson. Destroying the village and now warriors scouting around it's remains."

"Someone else did this," Lexa said carefully. "Pike and Emerson were just tools sent to distract us. They wanted nothing in their way to find whoever they were searching for here. It's the _Naumads_."

" _Stelt Hosa's_?"

Lexa nodded. 

"Who else would be able to move so fast between Polis and the village without being seen?"

Anya thought about it for an instant.

"That would explain a lot. Do you think they have Clarke?"

Lexa turned her head slowly, an intensity to her gaze, her jaw clenched. 

"For their sakes I hope not. I will not be responsible for my actions if they harm her."

Anya said nothing but nodded in understanding and they moved to inform their warriors of the potential threat in the area.

  
Clarke was tied up after making yet another attempt and was wriggling to and wear the rope down against a rock while Madi was out hunting. She was making good progress when Madi returned and threw a few slimy fish right at her exposed neck. Clarke resisted the urge to squeal, unable even to wipe away the water, her hands still bound behind her back. She was stunned for a second and lifted her chin slowly to glare at Madi who was trying and failing to hide her amusement. It had been a couple of days since she'd been captured by the girl and still neither would give up on their stubborness.

"Ready to let me go yet?" Clarke asked.

Madi gathered up the fish and started to clean and prepare them for the fire .

"Ready to tell me who sent you?"

"I've told you a million times that no one sent me. I came here alone because of the missile, to warn them."

"And I told you that I don't believe you either tell the truth or get used to being tied up."

"You are infuriating," Clarke said dryly. "You know that right. Of all the people who could kidnap me I get stuck with the child from hell."

Madi frowned, disliking being called a child but didn't say anything, her gaze focussed down on her task. She cleaned the fish in a bowl of water and then placed it carefully over the fire.

"At least untie my hands while we eat," Clarke asked. 

Madi shook her head and Clarke started to protest but then Madi's head turned sharply towards the exit of the cave and she clutched her dagger tight and began to creep towards it. Clarke watched, unsure of what was happening and then a man ran in, covered in a white chalk like substance, with long braided white hair and scars all over his body. He was pale as a ghost and terrifying as he charged Madi with a jagged, etched knife. 

Madi fought him but was struggling and her dagger flew from her hands. Clarke scrambled for it backwards and fumbled to cut her binds. She drew the dagger up under the man's chin, striking deep up towards his until he became limp and Madi pushed him off panting, appearing terrified as Clarke stood over her holding the bloody dagger. 

_She's just a child_ Clarke realised. _However strong she is, she was afraid and she's alone._

"Here," Clarke said, stretching out her hand.

Madi seemed unsure at first but then took it and Clarke helped her up. Madi was bleeding, a little on her shoulder where the knife had caught her but it wasn't deep.

"Here," Clarke said, seating herself down near the fire. "Let me help. My mom is a doctor, a fisa."

Madi followed, her eyes wide with surprise and sat down, as Clarke tore a fairly clean strip of cloth from her shirt and pressed at the wound before. 

"It's not deep. Hold it there to stop the bleeding. Make sure to bathe it next time you are at lake."

Madi was gazing at her with an almost unreadable expression, as if Clarke reminded her of something long gone from her life. 

"Why did you help me?" Madi asked. "You could have escaped."

Clarke glanced towards the body of pale man who had attacked them. 

"Because if it's between fighting you or him, I'll take my chances with you."

Madi despite herself gave her the hint of a smile.

"Do you know who your family was?" Clarke asked. "You remind me so much of - someone."

She stopped herself realising that she might say too much. It occured to her that if Lexa knew about Madi, she would expect her to be trained in Polis with the other nightbloods, maybe to one day fight to her death. 

"My family lived here. I told you that. Who do I remind you of?"

"Never mind," Clarke said quickly. "It's probably just a coincidence. We should probably move him and then eat dinner. I want to know who he is. I don't recognise him from any clan."

"He's a _stelt hosa_ , a stealth rider, a nomad," Madi told her. "They have always raided villages and disappeared before anyone could stop them. They've been getting worse recently."

Clarke raised her chin, trying to figure out everything. 

"Worse how? Tell me everything."


	42. Gentle Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madi has a nightmare that brings out Clarke's maternal instinct and Lexa searches through the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Noumon - Mother

Clarke rolled over in the darkness of the cave, the dimming fire the only light. She couldn't get comfortable, too much plagued her mind and the ground was not as soft as she would have liked since she had become too used to Lexa's comfortable beds. She heard a sound, like a cry for help, a whimper and lifted her head. Madi was asleep across the other side of the fire. She seemed to be wrestling with something in her sleep, the fire reflecting across her face, how much she both looked and differed from Lexa.

They have to be related Clarke thought. They look so alike. It can't be a coincidence but Lexa is from Trikru. I don't get how.

Madi whimpered again and Clarke felt the pain of it deep in her soul. She knew exactly how it felt to be alone, out in hiding with your demons haunting you. She got up and pressed a hand to Madi's shoulder, trying to wake her. 

"Madi, it's just a dream. Madi."

Madi didn't hear her and whimpered even louder and then awoke quickly in the way Lexa once had when Clarke had witnessed her waking from a nightmare. But whereas Lexa had quickly regained herself, Madi was staring, frozen stiff with fear and full of confusion as she slowly began to realise that it was Clarke who was there with her. 

Clarke threw her arms around her, unable to bear the vulnerability of the girl and held her. Whatever she'd dreamt it had terrified her and all at once all illusions about Madi being a fearsome warrior disappeared again. She was barely a teenager, a child still and Clarke decided right there and then, that Madi needed someone to care for her like a parent, and whether she liked it or not, Clarke was going to do that for her now. 

"It's okay. It was just a dream."

Madi was shaking but didn't move to push her away and Clarke began to hum softly to her. Madi began to relax after a time and Clarke held her until she fell asleep again and lay her back down pulling her furs up around her. Clarke decided that it was too late to bother trying to sleep again and to keep watch. 

She sat herself near the fire as Madi slept peacefully nearby and found herself thinking about how strange this new feeling was. This feeling of protectiveness for a stranger. She had felt this for her people before, when she'd tried to help them. The 100, Charlotte, every one of them she had wanted to protect. But that hadn't ended well. Not for Charlotte and Clarke feared for Madi too. As a nightblood she was in peril every day. She needed someone on her side. Somehow she felt more connected to Madi than she ever had to Charlotte, though she had tried to help her. 

She poked the fire with a stick, keeping it stoked as she thought about it all, wondering when and, if Lexa would find her and what would happen to Madi when she did. 

  
Lexa walked through the woods in the dark of the night. Each day she searched, following any trail they could find, searching for any possible hiding spots for the riders but found none. 

She was beginning to grow fearful of what she would find, but she wouldn't give up. Not now. Not ever. Anya and her people had complained of her searching alone in the darkness but Lexa would not hear of it. She was Heda. She was not afraid and she knew that she had more chance of seeing the movements of those who wanted to stay hidden in the evening. They would not travel in the daytime. Not if they could help it. 

Lexa had grown up in Trikru, who specialised in moving unseen through the woodland. Though the valley was not as familiar to her, the surrounding area was familiar enough terrain and she knew how to move unseen and still find signs of movements. Broken branches, dropped feathers from arrows. There were always signs of movement, even for those who stayed hidden. 

She found one such trail from the lake. Someone who had been careful but not quite as careful as a fully trained warrior had left some sign of visiting it to hunt. Spear marks in the mud where they had put it down to gather their haul. Disturbed grasses at one side. Lexa followed the trail around to a rockface overgrow with plants and pushed the plants aside to find an entrance. 

Just as she'd suspected. They'd stayed close by because they knew the land. It was familiar to them. The nightblood had grown up there. 

Lexa moved inside without a sound and heard singing. A gentle hum even. She stopped, pressing herself back again the cave wall in the darkness. It was Clarke. She held a young girl, barely a teenager and sang to her. Lexa watched as she placed the girl back down to let her rest and covered her like a noumon would and seated herself back down. She stoked the fire and Lexa waited not quite sure what to make of what she had just seen. 

"Clarke," she said in a low voice, emerging into the light. 

Clarke's eyes lit up at the sight of her. She rushed towards her.

"Lexa," she exclaimed, throwing her arms around her in relief. 

Lexa held her so tightly, so so glad that she was alive and well and only drew back to cup her face and check for signs of injury. 

"Are you hurt? Did the riders do this?"

"I'm fine," Clarke said. "I missed you so much."

Lexa glanced towards Madi who still slept soundly.

"What happened? The missile. I thought you were kidnapped."

Clarke gave her a weak smile. 

"I sorta was but not by them."

Lexa searched her face in confusion and Clarke glanced towards Madi.

"She's tougher than she looks believe me. She thought me an enemy."

Lexa snarled. 

"Did she hurt you? How dare she-?"

Clarke raised her hands. 

"Wait, no. It's not as simple as you think. She's the only survivor. She - well - she could be your daughter Lexa or sister. Is there something you want to tell me? I won't judge."

Lexa was taken aback and glanced down at Madi in horror.

"You think her my daughter? I am offended that you would even suggest-"

"Or sister, I said," Clarke said softly. "But she was born here and you're from Trikru."

Lexa pursed her lips together and Clarke knew that she had just figured something out.

"I wasn't born in Trikru. We are taken as children and allocated between the clans fairly. I have no way of knowing where I was born. Only the fleimkepas have that knowledge. It prevents accusations of unfair loyalty to one clan over the others in the conclave."

"So you could have had a sister and never known?"

Lexa didn't seem particularly fond of the idea. She rarely talked about her life before being the commander. It was almost as she felt it would make her less able to stay neutral if she thought more about her childhood. There was Lexa the commander and Lexa that woman she was when they were alone. But Lexa the grounder... she seemed to want to stay cut off from.

"I don't know. We need to go back to camp. If I don't return in a few hours, they will send search parties and we could get attacked by the riders at any time."

Lexa moved to go but Clarke grabbed her arm, a pleading look in her eyes. 

"I can't. She has no one. If we try to take her with us, she will run away."

"Because she is a natblida," Lexa said. 

Clarke lowered her eyes as if embarrassed that she had not told Lexa right away. 

"You can't take her."

"It's my duty," Lexa said. "She will not be safe out here. Our enemies will take her to use against us. She will not be safe alone. No nightblood is."

"I won't let her go into the conclave. You know I won't. We could convince her to come with us, if no one knows... We could keep it secret. Then she would be safe."

Lexa knew what she was asking her and if anyone else asked her she would have dismissed it outright but Clarke seemed so unhappy at the thought of it and Lexa glanced down at the girl and sighed and turned her head away. She could not see the resemblance yet herself but maybe Clarke was right. She couldn't quite believe it a likelihood but it wasn't altogether impossible. 

"Fine. Wake her. We need to talk to her."

"Can't we give her some time?" Clarke asked. "She was - she had a nightmare."

Lexa groaned and seated herself down near the fire and Clarke followed with a smile. She hugged Lexa and kissed her on the cheek sweetly and Lexa turned her head and caught her lips with her own. 

"Don't think when we're married, it means you will get your own way all the time. We will discuss this fully later. You know that you are asking a lot of me. This is my duty."

Lexa's lips still ghosted over her own and Clarke was so glad to have her back and to see her again that could barely focus on anything but kissing her senseless. Not that they could do more than kissing with Madi present anyway. 

She recaptured Lexa's lips and they both fell together sideways onto the cave floor, melting into each other, Lexa's arm around Clarke's waist as they kissed like they had been apart for months. 


	43. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa set about taking Madi back to camp and Anya and Raven have a moment as Anya laments a about the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations
> 
> Ai laik Heda. Em plenti - I am the commander. Enough!  
> Fos - First  
> Fleimkepa - Flamekeeper

Clarke and Lexa were seated hand in hand by the fire. They had kissed for some time, content just for a moment of privacy. 

"She'll refuse," Clarke said, concerned. 

"I've planned for that," Lexa replied. "I will convince her."

"Then she'll try to fight. She'll attack you."

"She will lose," Lexa said. 

Clarke didn't seem eased by her words. Lexa turned to her, noticing the discontent on her face.

"I will not hurt her," Lexa said, squeezing her hand.

Clarke turned and gazed at her thoughtfully.

"I know. I just don't want you to underestimate her. She's good. She's very good."

"Experience beats talent any time," Lexa said. "Even the most talented warrior does not know everything as a child."

Madi began to stir and they separated their hands. Lexa stood up and positioned herself between Madi and the exit. 

"Clarke," she said groggily. "Why are you awake so early?"

Clarke sighed. 

"Don't get upset. She only wants to talk to you."

Madi followed the darting of Clarke's eyes and saw Lexa and leapt back in alarm. She reached for her dagger, clutching it as if it was all she had in the world. 

"Who is she? _Fleimkepa_?"

"No," Clarke said. "She's the _Heda_ and my fianceé. Please hear her out."

The look of betrayal that flashed across Madi's face was visceral and heartbreaking but Clarke knew that it was the only option.

"She will put me in the conclave," Madi said. "My parents did everything to keep me from them and you told her!"

"She didn't," Lexa said. "She never told me. I guessed. I was searching for her and you didn't cover your tracks as well as you think. We won't tell anyone. No one will know what you are but you aren't safe out here alone. If I could find out someone else could. It may be that they already know."

"The missile," Clarke said. "They were after her all along. They wanted to make sure there was no resistance."

"And they knew enough to know that you would be a safe distance from the impact."

"I won't go with you. I'll fight my way out if I have to."

Madi raised her dagger and Lexa waited for it. The second Madi attacked, she dodged and knocked the knife from her hand. Madi scrambled to grab a staff while Clarke stood back helpless but Lexa ducked and dodged each of her blows before disarming her and taking the staff from her. Madi didn't quit but charged Lexa anyway and Lexa quickly threw aside the staff and spun Madi around, pinning her arms. 

"Stop struggling. We are trying to protect you. _Ai laik heda. Em plenti!"_

Madi stopped and Lexa eased her grip but Madi bit down hard on her arm and pushed away scrambling for the staff. Lexa groaned and charged forward kicking the staff from her hands and catching it before throwing it behind her. 

"I'm sorry," Clarke said, before putting a cloth over Madi's mouth. 

Lexa had found the herbs needed while Madi had slept. They would be just enough to put her to sleep so that they. The girl went limp in Clarke's arms. 

"You did the right thing," Lexa told her. "This will save her life."

Clarke nodded and Lexa lifted Madi over her shoulder and carried her easily. Clarke followed at her side, knowing that Lexa was right. They would never have stopped searching for Madi. She was far safer under the commander's protection.

  
Raven awoke, sprawled across Anya's bed. They'd decided to share, given that they hadn't slept apart since forever. She wore small, black shorts and a vest top and reached out for Anya only to find her missing from the bed. 

She raised her head and turned around to find Anya sitting on the edge of the bed silent. 

"Hey. You're still awake."

Raven sat up but Anya didn't turned around. She seemed off, as if too busy with her own thoughts. Raven touched her shoulder and Anya turned. 

"What's up? You're quiet. Even for you. As much as I love my silent and broody girlfriend, I want to know what's going on."

"I was thinking about the village. The last time I was here, I was a child, training. My _fos_ was from here."

"Really? You never talk about them."

"Ella. She was the fiercest warrior I ever knew. After my parents were taken by the mountain, she sent for me to train me to survive."

"I guess being back here, brings back a lot of memories. It sucks what happened. We really thought they had no more missiles."

"I never understood why Titus chose me to train Lexa. Nightbloods are taken from all around the land and given to the most highly trained warriors. I was well trained but barely an adult when they brought her to trikru. It wasn't usual."

"Huh? Really? I wonder why he did that then. Maybe he just knew how good you were."

"Ella was the best. I never saw a warrior as naturally gifted as her or as experienced. She asked for me after meeting me only once. She trained me until I was reassigned to trikru and then I heard she'd died less than a year later and Titus brought Lexa here."

"It's normal that this would be on your mind, after all that's happened. All those people. I really hate Emerson for this."

"That's not why I'm thinking of it," Anya said. "Only _fleimkepa_ 's are supposed to know where each nightblood comes from. Only them. But I always had a suspicion about Lexa."

Raven shuffled up closer, knowing that Anya would never talk of this if she didn't completely trust her and that it meant she would have to return that trust and keep it from her people. Raven was slowly beginning to learn how difficult it was when your loyalties were divided between your people and your lover. 

_And I thought Clarke had it easy_ at Polis she mused. 

Anya turned her head to gaze at the brunette who was now leaning on her shoulder. 

"I'm not thinking about it because being here stirs up memories about my teacher, " Anya said carefully, "I'm thinking about it because my commander is walking around out there unaware that the village she comes from has just been destroyed and I never told her before she made the decision not to rush to stop it."

"She couldn't have stopped it," Raven said. "I did every calculation. There was not enough time whatever she did. She was right on that one. Will you tell her?"

"I'm not supposed to. We have rules we follow for a reason. It's so the commander's can't be accused of favouring one clan over another. I shouldn't."

Raven could see that Anya was wrestling with her conscience and she wrapped her arms around her waist from behind and kissed her neck. 

"Hey. Whatever you had done this couldn't have been changed, and Lexa is pretty fair minded so I guess the fleimkepa's were right."

"Titus was an idiot," Anya growled. "He never counted on me guessing where she was from. Knowing him, he sent Lexa to me out of some misguided sense of honour for killing Ella."

"Wait," Raven said. "He killed her? You said she was the best. Why would he even kill her? How do you know?"

Anya gave her a fond glance as if expecting nothing less of Raven than for her to notice the flaws in the story.

"He will have poisoned her first. He would have been smart enough to know that it was a fight he would lose if he didn't. She would have fought with everything to save her baby."

"Lexa?" Raven said, suddenly realising. 

"Ella was the image of her. Titus didn't account for that. He sent Lexa to her mother's second and thought that I would be too young to notice."

"He really was an asshole, wasn't he?"

Anya touched Raven's arms that were now hanging loose around her shoulders. 

"Did you just admit that you loved me Reyes?"

"W-what? When? Oh!"

Anya turned around, amused by Raven getting flustered. 

"You said you love your silent and brooding girlfriend."

Raven waved her hand dismissively. 

"Pfft. I mean I might not have used those exact words."

Anya moved forward, placing her hands on Raven's thighs and pulled her body towards her own. 

"You did use those exact words."

Anya was positioned above Raven now, gazing down into beautiful brown eyes, seeing some vulnerability in them now.

"It's okay," she said in a sensual voice. "I love you too."

Raven's eyes blazed with a mixture of emotions, all of them joyful and Anya leaned down to claim her lips, stretching out over her on the bed. 


	44. Returning Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke get a much needed few hours rest after returning with Madi and Lexa has to convince her Madi that it's in her best interest to stay with them.

Lexa returned to camp carrying an unconscious child over her shoulder prompting a few strange looks from her people. It was just beginning to get light and they would have only a few hours to rest. 

"Who's the girl?" Anya asked, having hurried out of bed at the sound of her commander returning.

"The only survivor of the village," Lexa said calmly. 

Clarke met Anya's eyes and nodded and Anya furrowed her brow as Lexa and Clarke entered the commander's tent as Lexa called for an extra bed to be made up for Madi. 

  
Lexa lay Madi down on the furs once they were made up and Clarke brushed her hair back from her face as they bound her, checking her for injury.

"She will be furious when she wakes up."

"Hmm," Lexa just replied, observing her fianceé thoughtfully. "What is it about this child that has you so protective of her huh?"

Clarke glanced at her briefly, her chin jutting out. 

"I don't know. She reminds me of you I guess. Don't you see the resemblance?"

Lexa frowned as Clarke fixed Madi's hair and then moved away. She stared down at the unconscious girl, her wild, dark hair falling over her face. She wasn't sure she saw what Clarke did but there was something certainly unusual about the child and she had fought fiercly.

 _I guess she does remind me of me at that age_ Lexa thought. 

Clarke climbed into Lexa's bed, exhausted and Lexa clamboured in beside her.

"We only have a few hours to rest," Lexa said softly. "We must travel soon."

Clarke only murmoured and reached for Lexa, placing an arm around her waist from behind. Lexa sighed as Clarke shuffled in closer and for the first time since Clarke had gone missing she closed her eyes and let herself rest properly. 

"I missed you," Clarke whispered against her neck. 

Lexa smiled as she fell asleep with Clarke's arms wrapped around her. 

When Madi woke she was furious. She raged against her bindings forcing herself over onto the side and wriggling herself free of them, somehow able to manoeuvre herself into a position to try and untie them. Unfortunately for her, when she tried to run from the tent, a large, burly grounder picked her up and threw her back inside, waking Clarke and Lexa in the process. 

Madi tried again and again even as Clarke tried to reason with her but Lexa merely bound her again, this time to a chair as Madi snarled at her. 

"How are we going to travel with her like this?" Clarke asked, a little distance away from the struggling girl.

"Let me talk to her alone," Lexa said. "Trust me."

Clarke seemed unsure but she knew how persuasive Lexa could be. 

"Madi," Lexa said, seating herself across from her. "This needs to stop. Think about your options here."

Madi struggled but Lexa could tell she was listening. 

"We have an army of guards watching your movements. The stelt hosa are searching for you. Only Clarke and I know what you are. With us you are protected, you will have food and shelter. Your secret will be safe for now. Even if you do not trust us, surely you can see the logic in staying with us for now?"

Madi lifted her chin defiantly but Lexa could see her resolve weaken. She knew that Lexa was right. She had few other options at that moment.

"How do I know that you aren't taking me to the conclave? How can I trust you?"

"You can't," Lexa said, honestly, "but what other choice do you have? You are severely outnumbered and your village is gone."

Madi frowned and Lexa regretted bringing up the destruction of her home. Her strategy worked when Madi nodded silently and then the anger resurfaced behind her gray eyes as she was untied. She stood up, rubbing her wrists but didn't try to fight.

"You will ride with Clarke until you can be trusted to ride alone. We need to leave right away. Do not try to run. My people will find you."

Lexa turned and Madi moved to her side and followed her out of the tent. Clarke was already on her horse, waiting for them, surprised when she saw Madi unbound and cooperating. She smiled at Lexa in pleasant surprise. 

"Go on," Lexa said. "I'll lift you up."

She reached for Madi but the girl pulled away and took Clarke's reaching hand instead, too proud to take Lexa's assistance. Lexa called for her horse and mounted the saddle in one swift move and began to lead her people back towards trikru territory. 


	45. Protective Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya is suspicion of the new addition to their group while Lexa thinks over the quandry Madi poses to her and Clarke's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Hod op. Oso amp raun hir nat - Stop. We camp here tonight.

Anya kept staring. She knew that she was staring but something was off about that child. Every time she asked Lexa about who she was, she said that Madi was merely a survivor but the story didn't add up. According to Lexa she had had been away from the village hunting when she had seen the missile but then why would she take Clarke. Why would she seem like she'd been alone for a long time?

And then there was the refusal for Lexa to let her train. All young orphans would be recruited to train and assessed usually for potential fighting talent. Madi was always somewhere close to Clarke and Lexa as they travelled and was not allowed to train with even Anya. 

Clarke fussed over her in such a strange manner too, as if she was her own child and Madi didn't even seem to mind. Anya guessed that after losing her parents maybe she was grateful that anyone cared enough about her to make a fuss. She saw Clarke combing and braiding her hair, drawing with her, telling her stories about her friends and her time in the sky and on the ground and Madi seemed to enjoy them. 

Lexa merely watched them from a few feet away while she went about her daily business, her glance never too far from them and Anya saw some conflict in her commander about how close the two were growing. It was as if Clarke and Madi had actually forgotten that they weren't actually mother and daughter. 

"What do you think of Madi?" Anya asked Raven quietly, as they rode towards trikri territory. 

The brunette had her hair tied back in a ponytail and seemed at home on horseback. Anya had been surprised how easily she had taken to the task. 

Raven turned her head, her mind clearly somewhere else.

"Huh? The munchkin? She's okay. Why?"

Anya's brows knitted together and she lowered her voice to almost a growl.

"There's something really familiar about her. I can't help but think that there's more to her story than they are telling us."

"She's just a kid. A kid who has no one else. Seems like a good thing to me that Clarke found her."

"She found Clarke from what I heard," Anya grumbled.

"You're so suspicious. I know it's your job to protect your commander but seriously what threat could she be?"

"I never said she was a threat. I said something else was going on."

Raven chuckled. 

"So ask them babe. Ouch."

Raven hissed and rubbed her thighs, feeling the familiar flare up of her injuries. Anya noticed right away. It hadn't escaped her attention that too much exercise could antagonise it from time to time.

"We will rest soon," Anya assured her. "And then I will massage them for you in that way that you like."

"At least there's one benefit of it then," Raven quipped, but she sounded tired. 

"I'll be back in a moment," Anya said steering her horse away. 

  
Lexa watched Clarke riding beside Madi, who now had a smaller horse of her own, at Clarke's request. She had made no further attempts to run away, heeding Lexa's warning and since they were taking their time returning to trikru, Clarke and Madi had been talking a lot. Lexa had watched them, Clarke telling Madi stories, showing her how to draw when they stopped to rest, checking she had enough to eat and drink. She had even braided her hair that morning before they'd rode. Had they ridden through the night they could have easily reached trikru but Lexa had wanted to buy time to think and to observe the child some more. 

She had told Clarke that she wouldn't reveal Madi's nightblood or make her join the conclave training with the other natblidas but it was getting harder to reconcile with her sense of duty. She had a duty to teach Madi, to prepare her for leadership and yet... Clarke seemed so content mothering her. It would break her heart if Lexa forced the issue and she wasn't sure they would survive another argument like the last one.

Almost losing her once was enough. Twice even worse. But a third time... Lexa would not make that mistake. 

_I have to try and discuss it with her. Make her understand that this is one of our traditions_. 

Clarke laughed out loud suddenly at something Madi said and it was music to Lexa's ears. 

No, Lexa would tread very carefully this time. She would make no moves without being sure they were in agreement. Not on this one.

Anya suddenly made her way over and Lexa raised her chin. 

"Heda, Raven needs a rest. She will never admit it but her legs grow weary."

Lexa met Anya's eyes with calm understanding. Clarke had told her how Raven had been shot and that it would have some lasting impact on her and Anya would not ask if she truly thought Raven didn't need it.

"I think we should camp for the night," Lexa said. "Our pace need not be as fast returning home."

Anya seemed grateful but Lexa caught a note of suspicion in her eyes. She was surely wondering why Lexa was not rushing back to trikru. Anya was not a fool by any means and Lexa knew that she had many questions about why Madi was with them. 

Truth be told Lexa was asking herself the same questions.

"Are we stopping?" Clarke asked, as Anya headed back to Raven. "Is Madi getting her own tent tonight? We can post a guard. She hasn't ran away so far."

Lexa lifted her gaze to meet Clarke, her forest green eyes gazing in a sparkling ocean of blue. 

"Yes," Lexa said. "We can stop for the evening. Madi can't stay in the commander's tent every night."

Clarke leaned in and whispered, her voice low and husky.

"Certainly not with what we'll be doing in there."

Lexa blinked as Clarke turned away, leaving her tingling from head to toe with desire. There was a slight smirk in the corner of Clarke's mouth, a mischievous one that Lexa recognised well. Suddenly her mouth was dry. 

" _Hod op!"_ Lexa called. " _Oso kamp raun hir nat_."

She spun her horse around as she shouted the command before stilling the animal and dismounting. 


	46. Loving Girlfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have some private time in the commander's tent while Anya is still very much frustrated that she thinks Lexa isn't being honest. Raven is smitten and Ranya see something they shouldn't have seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - contains smut and swearing. Enjoy!
> 
> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> You laik ai niron - you are my lover.

Clarke wasted no time in pushing Lexa onto her back, once in their tent. She was in a frisky mood, or so it seemed, and Lexa wondered where the sudden mood had come from. 

She climbed on top of Lexa like they had been apart for years not mere days and Lexa let her set the pace, Clarke's weight shifting onto the bed and dipping it as her lips came to Lexa's to claim them as her own.

"I've missed this so much," Clarke said. "So, so much."

Lexa couldn't even respond as Clarke's lips were back on her own before she even knew what was happening. 

Clarke was already stripping, drawing her clothes off and throwing them aside with vigour while Lexa just tilted her head to meet Clarke's lips as they returned to her own, her hands finding Clarke's hips and resting there. Clarke stopped and hovered over her, gazing down at her. She was smiling so broadly, so genuinely that Lexa wondered what she was thinking to make her so happy. 

"What?" Lexa murmoured. 

"Nothing," Clarke shook her head, still smiling, "just glad to have you back."

Lexa flexed her hands around Clarke's hips, slipping further down over her ass and back up again. 

"And I'm very glad that you weren't killed by the missile."

Clarke's upper lip quirked as she noticed she slight hint of sadness in Lexa's tone. She was obviously aware that Lexa felt guilt for not being able to stop it and torn over disagreeing with her. Whatever she was thinking, Clarke chose not to voice it and surged down onto Lexa like a freight train, unbuttoning Lexa's trousers before shaking them down her body and off. Lexa shimmied her underwear off and Clarke's lip quirked again, this time with mischief as her eyes flashed and she spread Lexa's thighs apart. Lexa waited with baited breath to see if Clarke was planning to do what she thought she was about to do. When Clarke kissed down her body and stopped just below her abdomen, she lifted her head and her smile widened as she met Lexa's eyes. 

When she lowered her head and Lexa felt her tongue hit her centre, the commander inhaled sharply and then breathed out slowly through her nose, her eyes already closing and her head arching back onto the pillow. 

  
"I'm going to ask her. I tell you there's something she's not telling me."

Raven fluffed up a pillow and put it behind her head, listening to her grumpy girlfriend's conspiracy theories yet again. It had been a long day's ride and Anya had helped her down from the horse when she'd had difficulty and not once had Raven felt that Anya thought less of her for being less able to do so than anyone else. Apparently in their culture war wounds were treated with reverence not sympathy. 

Anya's hands were rubbing Raven's legs, working on her sore muscles as she talked. Raven was sprawled across her, half turned into the upright pillow to gaze at her as she did it. Anya was truly a fascinating woman. A warrior at heart, she didn't have the mind for science that Raven had, nor had she the desire to learn about it, but she was strong and reliable and wiser than most. She was an experienced strategist and fighter and naturally protective. Underneath all of that Anya had a softness, a softness for those she loved, to protect them, to care for their wellbeing. She was more affectionate than Raven was used to, but she showed it less through false words and more through actions. 

"If you really think they're hiding something about the kid, then confront them."

"I will," Anya said. "Is that better?"

She slowed her hands, resting them on Raven's lower legs. 

"Much better thanks. You're very good at that."

"You know what. I'm gonna talk to them now. I'm sick of it."

"Great. Can I come with? I don't want left out of the loop."

"Of course you can," Anya said sweetly. "You _laik ai niron_."

Raven grinned, madly in love with her by now. 

"Let's go give 'em hell then."

  
A few minutes later they were both barging into the commander's tent, ignoring the protests of the guard outside. 

"Oh shit!"

Lexa was in the throes of passion, clearly in the middle of a mind blowing orgasm and Clarke who had been busy between Lexa's legs yelped and fell down beside the bed grabbing her clothes to cover herself.

"What the hell!"

Lexa groaned deeply and pulled the covers over herself to hide her nudity as Anya and Raven stood there silently, Raven with her mouth hanging open, Anya looking sheepishly grumpy.

"We weren't to be disturbed," Lexa growled, seething at having been interrupted. "Get out!"

Clarke was still hiding on the ground beside her. 

"We - er," Raven started rambling and pointing to Anya and herself. "We wanted to talk about something but I guess it can wait. It's not important."

"Rae get the hell out!" Clarke cried desperately, "We're _naked._ "

"This can wait until tomorrow," Anya said quickly, recognising the danger in the glare Lexa was throwing at them both.

Anya grabbed Raven and yanked her out of the tent until they were far enough away. Raven burst out laughing.

"Shit, that was not a sight I was expecting to see."

Anya despite her embarrassment found Raven's laughter infectious and laughed with her. 

"We better leave them to it then," Anya said with a smile. "Lexa was furious."

"I'm not surprised. I'd be _pissed_ if someone walked in on use while we were enjoying ourselves."

Raven wipe a tear from her eyes, her laughter calming down. 

"Oh shit, that was funny," Raven continued. "Let's get to bed then."

The couple walked back to their tent, their arms linked still chuckling about the whole thing. 

"They're gone. You can stop hiding now," Lexa said. 

"I don't want to," Clarke muttered. "I'm so embarrassed."

Lexa turned her head and Clarke sheepishly peered up at her. She sighed and leaned on the bed with her elbows. 

"Why are you embarrassed my love? It is only natural. I would prefer privacy too but there is no shame in it."

Clarke lifted her head, meeting Lexa's bright, warm eyes. 

"I haven't been with that many people. Only a few. I'm not so comfortable with nudity outside of sex. I certainly don't want my friends seeing me naked. It's weird."

Clarke started picking at the bed absent mindedly.

"I'm not as thin as most of them."

"Clarke..." Lexa said, "your body is beautiful. There is absolutely nothing for you to fear or need to hide. I was thin for most of my childhood and believe me there is nothing remarkable about it. I was thrilled when I actually managed to fill out a bit."

Clarke looked up at her thoughtfully biting her lower lip.

"Really?"

"Yes," Lexa said. "I was smaller than most of the other natblida's for quite some time. I always had to fight twice as hard to keep up and so I learned to use their own advantages against them. It's why I won."

Clarke smiled and leaned in to kiss Lexa. Their lips pressed together and Lexa cupped the back of Clarke's head as the kiss grew deeper. 

Clarke silently climbed back onto the bed and they kissed side by side, Lexa wrapped her thigh around Clarke's and placing her other inbetween Clarke's legs. 

"Is it my turn then?" Clarke murmoured. "Let's hope we don't get interrupted again."

"They wouldn't _dare_ ," Lexa growled positioning Clarke's knee between her own legs so that they were interlocked. "And it's both our turns. I didn't get to finish fully."

Clarke smiled into the kiss, her eyes closed tightly as she sighed at the wave of excitement that flooded through her body as Lexa rocked into her centre. Lexa took the lead now, taking what she needed from Clarke's thigh as she pushed into Clarke's centre. 

They both came, Lexa reaching her climax first and then working Clarke to hers, focussing entirely on the motion of her hips pushing forward. Clarke came not long later, unable to last long after waiting for so many days to see Lexa again and to feel her body against her own. 

Lexa let her ride it out, drawing multiple waves of pleasure from Clarke, slowing her body gradually into gentle rocking motions until Clarke gasped and clung to Lexa, her body shaking. Clarke exhaled and relaxed deeply, a post orgasm bliss easing through her. She was mildly aware of a gentle kiss pressing to the side of her face, just on the cheek, and then another one as Lexa showed her affectionate side and held her as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world. 

Clarke didnt move but felt Lexa shift herself so that they were lying side by side but no longer entangled. More kisses touched her face, just one and then another and then another, soft, tender kisses and Clarke just sighed and turned into Lexa's arms to curl up, blissfully happy to be back with the woman she loved. 


	47. Protective Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya is still frustrated about her suspicious even after she talks to Lexa and decides to try to get information from Clarke and Madi instead.

"Do you see them? It should be illegal to be that happy."

Anya was scowling. Lexa and Clarke were all over each other and in no hurry to get back to trikru. The group hadn't even started moving yet, Lexa allowing them all another day to rest. Lexa was smiling while Clarke strode around her. She put her arms around Lexa's waist and Lexa just smiled at her. 

"Well given what they were doing when we walked in," Raven replied, "do you blame them?"

"Don't remind me. I'm going to go over and talk to them."

Anya kissed Raven on the cheek and walked in purposeful strides towards Lexa who Clarke had finally untangled from the commander and was talking to Madi.

"Heda, what aren't you telling me?"

Lexa's pleasant smile faded as she adopted her usual stoic demeaner. 

"About what?"

"About the child. Do you think I'm not aware that the story doesn't add up."

Lexa sighed, turning to pick up an apple from one of the supply carts. 

"It doesn't matter. The child is staying with us. That's all you need to know. You need to trust my disgression in this."

Lexa met her eyes earnestly, but there was something guarded about her when she discussed Madi. 

"You should be thankful I didn't punish you for interrupting us last night," Lexa said in a dry tone, "and that I was in a more forgiving mood."

Anya frowned. 

"Since when do you talk about moods Heda? Clarke is having a strange influence on you. Be careful or I might think you becoming soft on me."

Lexa scowled at her, one lip curling. 

"Test my patience and you'll see how soft I have become."

Anya held her stare until Lexa relaxed and bit into the shiny, red apple. Anya began to chuckle, Lexa's threat making her more proud than fearful.

"You never change do you second," Anya grinned. "I would 't dream of ever underestimating you."

"Glad to hear it."

Lexa smiled a little and her gaze wandered to Clarke who was showing Madi how to feed the horse. Shallow Valley was absent of horses and few there learned to ride. Lexa thought that it wouldn't be long before Clarke insisted on teaching Madi, in private of course in case Madi would hurt herself and bleed.

"Have you thought anymore about letting me train her? We shouldn't leave her education much longer."

Lexa's lips quirked but even Anya couldn't read her expression. Lexa was an expert at hiding her thoughts. 

"No. Madi will not train. My decision on that is final."

Lexa met Anya's eyes, one brow raising as she spoke. It was subtle but powerful at commanding authority and Anya knew better than to question her further.

But deep down inside Anya felt even more frustrated and not even sure why. It wasn't like her to be so unaccepting of an order but somehow this was different. 

_I am not going to learn anything from_ _Lexa_ she thought. _She is too practiced at this. It's Clarke I need to target with this._

Anya began to formulate a plan but she refused to let it show in her demeaner that she was anything but accepting of the situation. She glanced at the dark haired child as she smiled up at Clarke, as she instructed her on how to take care of the horse. 

Clarke has learned fast Anya thought. Once she had never even seen a horse. Now she rides almost as well as any of us. Clarke's hand was on Madi's upper back, reassuring her by rubbing circles there when Madi seemed afraid of the creature. She instructed her to hold her palm out flat with the apple and not to be frightened and Madi seemed thrilled when the horse took the apple from her palm. She glanced to Clarke for acknowledgement.

"See, that wasn't so difficult," Clarke told her. "Come on. Let's do some more drawing in the commanders tent. Give Heda some time to get on with things."

Anya watched as Madi nodded and they both headed away. 

_Hmm_ she thought. _Maybe this would be an opportunity to talk to Clarke. She spends most days in that tent at this time teaching Madi to draw._

  
The next day everyone set off for trikru land and they travelled most of the day. Anya watched Clarke and Madi carefully, observing them from a distance but making sure that she was subtle. When they arrived back at the mountain, Clarke became visibly subdued, even though they camped afar from it, Lexa likely doing so deliberately, knowing how her fianceé felt about it. Truth be told Anya didn't like it either, memories of being caged, unpleasantly seeping into her mind. 

As Lexa and many of the others went into Mount Weather, Raven following the commander to check that there absolutely was no other missiles left and to disable all potential problems, Anya stayed behind. 

Anya glanced into Lexa's tent silently. Clarke was standing over a table, while Madi was sat on a chair at the table. They were both talking quietly as they drew. 

"Who was she?" Clarke asked. "Your noumon?"

"No," Madi said sadly. "I don't remember her face anymore."

"You that it's okay," Clarke said, "not to remember. It's normal. You were very young when she was killed."

"Do you remember your dad?"

Clarke smiled at little but there was a sadness to it and Anya stayed listening. 

"Yes but it wasn't that long ago. I remember all their faces. My dad, Wells, Finn, everyone..."

Clarke trailed off but Anya knew she was thinking of Mount Weather and what she had done.

"But it's different. You were very young and I'm sure that you remember lots of other things about them."

"I wouldn't draw her even if I did remember," Madi said. "I was taught that she had to stay secret, completely. Everyone thought she was dead from the first attempt. She didn't want anyone to ever know about us. She always said that people would know her face, important people."

"I get that. She was trying to protect you. Just like Lexa and I are trying to do now. You understand that right?"

Madi paused and then nodded.

"Yes Clarke."

They became quiet for a moment then Madi spoke up suddenly.

"She used to sing to me. I remember that."

"Yeah? What did she sing?"

Madi began to hum a tune and Clarke listened and then joined in. It seemed to ease the child to hear it but Anya was far from at ease. As soon as she heard the song it was like a bucket of ice water over her head. 

She would always remember that song. Her fos had sang it often. It was old. A family song she had said, that was thought to instill courage. She had used it focus and Anya had used it to calm Lexa when she had been only a child herself.

 _Ella_ she thought. _Madi is Ella's child. She must have survived somehow. She said she hid them both. Did Titus-? What did he do?_

"Anya?" Clarke said, with a frown, noticing her standing there as the wind blew open the tent a little. 

Anya quickly composed herself and entered. She tried not to stare at Madi. 

"I was unoccupied and wondered what you were both doing."

Clarke's brow creased but she seemed to accept the explanation readily.

"Madi and I were just drawing. Do you want to try?"

Anya shook her head. 

"I prefer combat to art. This is not for me."

"You fight?" Madi asked, her eyes lighting up. 

Clarke gave her a quick warning glare and Madi's smile changed into a sulk. 

"Not that I'm interested in that."

Madi said the words as she had clearly been taught to do so. Anya could tell that she wanted nothing more than to talk about training. 

"Yes," Anya said. "I taught the commander to fight, although she had surpassed me in that respect."

 _Madi and Lexa are sisters_ she thought, realising all at once why Madi seemed so familiar. _Do they know? Does Lexa know?_

"I am sorry you lost your village," Anya said. "Did you have brothers and sisters?"

"No," Madi said, with a shrug. "Not that I knew of."

Anya watched Clarke's reaction carefully but neither her or Madi showed any sign of lying.

"It must have been difficult," Anya said. "But you are not alone here."

Madi nodded gratefully but Anya could see the telltale concern in Clarke expression at Madi's sudden sadness.

"She's right. You're not," Clarke said. "We won't let anything happen to you."

"Hey, I can take care of myself," Madi said, a little affronted at the suggest she couldn't.

"Well it's always good to have help."

 _She is proud too,_ Anya thought. _How did I miss this? How did Ella survive? Did she never return for Lexa because she was protecting Madi?_

"I offered to train her," Anya said, "but the commander refused."

Clarke glanced at her quickly.

"I'm sure Lexa has her own plans to train her. Until then Madi's better just taking it easy. She's been through a lot."

 _She's a nightblood_ Anya realised. _Why else would they refuse to let her train? Do they even know she is Lexa's sister? They have no way of knowing that. They are keeping her secret because she is a nightblood. Ella concealed her so she would not be taken to the conclave. Do they mean to put Madi in_ _one_?

"I'm sure the commander will be very busy with preparing the natblida's for the future conclave," Anya said, "so the offer is always there."

Something like steel flashed in Clarke's eyes. Madi didn't say anything but Anya didn't need to ask to know that Clarke had no intention of letting Madi anywhere near the conclave. 

"I think that's them returning," Anya said. "Enjoy your - art."

Clarke just nodded as Anya exited the tent. She headed towards the campfire, the night already rolling in as the sun went down. Anya knew that this was a secret she could not tell anyone but could also an issue that divided Clarke and Lexa. If Lexa didn't know that Madi was her sister, she might think it her duty to prepare Madi for the conclave. 

_I would never allow that_ Anya thought. _I owe Ella that much. Another daughter of hers will not be taken away and forced into a fight to the death. Not while I'm around._


	48. The Little Natblida

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke ponders the mountain and Lexa returns and wants to take her for some private time. Meanwhile Anya breaks Lexa's order to confirm the truth about Madi's identity.

Clarke couldn't be happier. Between her time with Lexa, her security with the grounders and parenting Madi she was more than happy where she was but the looming mountain in the distance was a reminder of what had happened, of what she had done and if not for being preoccupied with Madi she would have dwelled on it far too much. Anya seemed to notice. She was hanging around them an awful lot, particularly when they were drawing and Clarke wondered if the mountain brought up bad memories for her too. She had after all been a prisoner there too. 

Lexa returned from the mountain that evening fatigued but trying not to show it. Clarke turned her head as soon as she entered the tent, catching Lexa's lips as she greeted her with a generous kiss.

"Missing me already?" Clarke asked with a grin.

"Very much so," Lexa said with a sigh. "I had to intervene in a few scrabbles between some of the warriors sent from Azgeda and some of trikru. They were antagonising each other again."

Clarke rubbed Lexa's nose, where a part of her makeup had smudged and run down her face. When she said that she l'd intervened, she'd clearly meant physically. Her black paint streaked her face. 

"Is that why you're paint is a mess? Want me to fix you up?"

"No?" Lexa said. "I have a better plan. There is a lake nearby."

Clarke scrunched her nose.

"Not the one with the monster snake, eel thing in it?"

Lexa smiled. 

"Not that one. I take it you had an encounter when you first landed."

"Octavia did, on the first day practically. I was there with Monty and Jasper. Took a chunk out of her."

"I know another place," Lexa whispered in her ear, "safer. That is if we have time to ourselves."

"Madi is with Anya," Clarke said. "She offered to watch her for a while."

"She did?" Lexa asked in surprise. "Anya did? Without being asked?"

"Yeah, I think she knows that being back here is reminding me of what I did."

Lexa narrowed her eyes, not sure what Anya's game was but then she wore a guilty expression as she realised that Clarke was referring to the mountain.

"I was as much at fault as you Clarke, more so because I betrayed you and left you alone here. If we need to leave."

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa and drew her closer. 

"Hey none of that. We've already dealt with this. You apologised after I ran away for months and you kidnapped me, remember?"

Lexa despite herself smiled again, at Clarke's teasing tone. 

"Then we had sex and you almost died and you got better and we had sex again and again..."

Clarke's hand was fiddly with the lapels of Lexa's jacket seductively.

"So how about that lake huh? Get you all cleaned up from battle."

Lexa felt the blood rush to her face and was sure she was blushing. Except she knew that she never really blushed. 

"Have you always been this voracious?" Lexa asked. "Because I don't remember you being so forward when we first met."

"Are you sure?" Clarke said, with a naughty sparkle in her eyes. "I did walk into your war tent and demand a treaty."

"I remember it different," Lexa said seductively. 

"Oh yeah?" Clarke said, leaning in even closer. "How do you remember it?"

"Well, I remember there being more _begging_."

" _Begging_ hmm... and I thought I was more persuasive than that. Not the best first impression then."

"Oh I don't know about that. I remember thinking that I'd like you to beg for me."

Clarke raised her brow as her smile widened. 

"And when I backed you up against the table? Did you want me to beg for you then?"

Lexa swallowed as Clarke was very close now to her face, her breath tickling her ear as she leaned in to whisper.

"No. The other way around."

"Hmmm," Clarke said, rubbing one hand over one of the wooden tables. "I think the lake is a better idea now but we'll have to make that fantasy a reality for you some day."

"It's not far," Lexa said quickly taking Clarke's hand. 

Clarke just grinned as Lexa hastily led her from the tent.

  
"We aren't supposed to be doing this?" Madi said. 

Anya glanced around them handing Madi a wooden training sword. 

"I don't need a wooden sword. That's for babies."

"Shh.. do you want to train or not? This is the only lesson we can risk."

Madi huffed in frustration and it reminded Anya so much of Lexa. In truth Anya had never disobeyed a direct order from her commander but she had to know for sure. She had been sure Madi was Ella's child when she had heard the humming but after sleeping she had began to doubt it. She figured that offering to babysit and train her might reveal some vital insight but only if she didn't get caught. 

"Light sparring only," Anya said. 

"Right," Madi said ruefully and Anya realised that Madi had definitely been briefed on the problems that would happen if anyone saw her bleed 

They began to spar with the swords, Anya observing what she already knew. Surprisingly Madi was very skilled already but was pretending she wasn't, having been clearly taught never to take the risk of showing her true potential. 

"Good, good. You are almost as good as the commander was at this age. Almost."

Anya reasoned that if Madi was her mother's daughter she would have a competitive streak and her gamble paid off when Madi began to fight more aggressively. Anya parried multiple attacks but Madi grew frustrated and surged forward swinging the sword. 

_She took the bait. Now for the trap. If she knows the move it will confirm it. Only Ella, Lexa and I know it. It was Ella's specialty._

Anya parried suddenly and spun Madi around l, confusing her. With a quick shove Madi was on the ground on her back. Anya moved as if to strike her, not intending too at all but Madi spun her legs and swept Anya's out from under her and got to her feet in seconds. Madi clutched her sword fiercly, no longer charging as she realised that Anya had been goading her to attack. Anya got to her feet with a smile.

"Good move, that was very effective but don't let your opponent manipulate your mind. I used your competiveness against you. Do not let them get in your head. It's is as much about mind as it is your sword."

Anya ruffled Madi's hair and moved back into a sparring stance. 

"Okay let's go again. We have much to learn and we must take care not to have you bleed natblida."

Madi froze at her words and then glanced behind her as if to run.

"Don't be afraid. I will never turn you in. I swear it."

"Why?" Madi asked, confused. "Why would you protect me?"

"I made a promise to myself a long time ago to never give over another natblida to the conclave."

"You gave over Lexa?"

Anya wondered it Madi would ever understand her true motives.

"I didn't. I merely trained her. They already had caught her by then and I thought better I train her than another. I wanted to make sure that she would win."

Madi frowned and Anya knew what she was thinking. She didn't fully trust Anya yet but she knew that her options were limited. If Lexa already knew then whether she went into the conclave or not hinged on Lexa's decision.


	49. Ella's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to the day Anya met Ella and how she ended up being her student and Lexa's mentor.

The first time Anya saw Ella she was just visiting Shallow Valley. She saw two people sparring in the ring as part of their harvest festival. Shallow Valley was a colourful place that lived for art, fighting and music and all of their events revolved around that. 

Anya's own mother was so busy bartering at a stall that she didn't notice Anya slip away and head to watch the fight. 

She remembered being in awe of the female warrior. She was lithe and muscled with long, strong legs and the much larger, taller opponent could not even keep up with her. 

What made it more impressive was that she was fighting bare handed, her dark hair braided back and her green eyes, dark like a forest. The taller man had grey eyes in comparison. He charged at her and she flipped him in seconds, his back hitting the ground with a slam. She grabbed his arm and locked it, pinning his throat with one knee. 

"Do you concede husband?"

The man with the dark grey eyes chuckled and she let him up.

"Don't I always concede to you?"

The warmth in Ella's smile belied the fierceness with which she had fought. She reached out her hand and helped him up.

"You better stick to your art husband. You will never defeat me."

He smiled, clearly very proud that she had bested him, though he had tried his hardest. 

Ella turned to Anya who had been watching the whole thing. She leaned on the edge of the ring. 

"Who are you little one? I've not seen you before."

Anya's noumon rushed over suddenly. 

"Anya! There you are. Naughty child. I told you to stay put."

"She was merely interested in the fight," Ella said with a smile. 

She grabbed a towel that was on the edge of the ring and wiped the sweat from her brow. To a young Anya she appeared like a Queen, fierce and commanding but there was a warmth to her too that she liked. 

"I want to learn to fight like that," Anya said. 

Ella addressed her seriously, a stoic expression now on her face. 

"Where are you from?"

"Trikru," Anya replied. "I will work harder than anyone else. Can you teach me?"

"Anya!", her mother scolded. "You do not ask. You are chosen by a fos. You do not demand one."

Ella laughed and it was musical and rich.

"I like her. She's bold. I tell you what Anya, let her grow up a few more years and I'll take her as my student. It's rare I get asked so directly."

Anya remembered how thrilled she was. But years later when Ella sent for her, she wasn't so thrilled. Her parents had been taken by the mountain, most likely dead. She was still a child and she had lost everything but her tribe. 

  
Ella had nudged her when she had showed up and said nothing for an entire day.

"No longer that bold little girl ready to fight? That's disappointing. I saw potential in you. You can still live here but I guess you don't want to learn to fight anymore."

"Why bother?" Anya growled. "You can't fight the mountain men. They have guns."

"Oh can't you?" Ella said, raising one brow. "What if they don't see you? Or you lead them into a trap? There are more ways to fight than just weapons. Is that who you are little one? Someone who just gives up when the fight seems impossible?"

"No," Anya said back fiercly. 

"Ah, there's that pride," Ella said. "Now I know that you mourn your family and that is how it should be but the dead are gone, the living are hungry. If you become a great fighter you might be able to live to see the fall of the mountain one day."

"No one person can defeat the mountain."

"Who told you that? With enough vision and a good plan you can give it a good shot. Come on. The broth is ready. A warrior must feed their body and mind and broth is good for both."

  
Anya trained. Every day Ella trained her and shared her wisdom and her strength of character was equal to none she had ever met. 

She grew to love Ella like a second mother though the relationship was different but then one day Titus came to visit. 

"She seems old enough to have returned home by now," he grumbled, glancing over Anya.

Anya craned her neck to glance up at him. He seemed displeased and foul tempered and her first thought was that she disliked him. 

"Titus, in a good mood as ever I see. Her training is not quite complete."

"See that she is returned to trikru as soon as it is. Her people have been asking after her and you have spent long enough here."

Ella glared at him and Anya didn't understand it but she sensed that there was something else behind their cold reception towards each other.

"I must speak with you alone," he said. "The commander, his sickness grows worse."

"The dark commander is a very sick man indeed but I suspect you are referring to his body and not his mind. Let's discuss this in private shall we. Keep practicing."

Ella winked at Anya but she could not help but be curious about what they were talking about. 

She waited a moment and then snuck towards the back of the hut they had entered, knowing that there was a secret entrance at the back. Ella was fond of making sure there was extra routes to escape from or to stash weapons. Anya had learned of all of her hiding places though she did not understand why she had so many.

"It is nearly time. You are the next logical successor," Titus said. "I kept the secret of your nightblood only because I knew the Malachy would murder you. But when he dies, all of the hidden natblidas will be need to return for the conclave."

"I will never return for the conclave," Ella snarled. "It is a barbaric practice, one which serves only to diminish the nightbleeders numbers. Shallow Valley is my home. If you wish to take me from it you will have to kill me and take my body."

Titus lowered his eyes, not wanting to meet Ella's challenge. He seemed to fear her. 

"You have stood by idle while Malachy committed atrocities towards our people. What for Titus? In the name of the flame? A story you tell over and over again to keep us all in line. I hope no child of mine ever becames brainwashed with your nonsense Titus."

"A child of yours would be destined to join the conclave. Every female child in your family has been a nightbleeder. It is unprecedented to have such a pattern of birthright."

Ella stepped into his space, staring him down. It was unnerving how she didn't even blink and Anya had seen even the most hardened warrior back away from it.

"Get out," she snarled. "Never come back here again."

Titus didn't react at first but then he turned away. He glanced back for a brief second, thoughtfully. 

"No one is bigger than the flame, Ella. Not even you."

"Get out," she repeated through gritted teeth.

Titus slipped away but Anya remained and she saw Ella's hand lower to her abdomen thoughtfully. She seemed concerned in a way that Anya never saw. 

  
Some time later, long after Anya had been returned to her tribe, Ella advising her that her own people needed her now, Anya heard news of her death. She didn't believe it at first. Ella was too strong, too fierce. But as much as she was overcome with grief, she could hear Ella's words reminding her.

_The dead are gone. The living are hungry. We all die some day but today we live._

The day Titus appeared with Lexa, Anya was very confused. She was old enough to train others but barely an adult herself. He gave the baby to her and the village midwife's care with strict instructions for her to train Lexa. Anya never understood why this was her responsibility. Lexa was too young and Anya checked in on her from time to time but as she grew older Anya's suspicions about where she was from grew. Especially when she frowned in that particular way, or raised her brow, or stared someone down with such an intimidating gaze without blinking that they backed away. 

Anya's training proved what she suspected. Lexa was a natural. As fierce and strong as Ella and as wise. If Anya could keep her from the conclave she would but as Lexa grew older Titus took more time to teach her and he had her believing very young that it was her duty to be commander. Anya determined only to teach her to be the best, as Ella had taught her and when she won the conclave and became commander, Anya felt somehow that she had honoured Ella.

But she promised to herself after witnessing the conclave herself, after seeing Lexa standing covered in black blood, with a sword in her hand, panting. She promised after seeing that look in Lexa's eyes, that hurt and remorse at what she had done to her fellow nightbloods, that she would never give a child over to the conclave ever again. 


	50. In Too Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa spend some time relaxing at the pool and have a philosophical discussion, as per Lexa's but things progress as Lexa's true emotions surface later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Sexual scenes, may be explicit.

"It's so nice out here."

Clarke waded backwards. The water was shallow enough for her to stand and Lexa's first lessons with her on swimming had been quite thorough. It didn't seem so hard as she'd thought but she was sure glad that she could put her feet down if she wanted. 

Lexa waded forward. The water was clearer than Clarke had ever seen, the pool small and oddly warmed from the light breaking through the trees. Clarke opened her eyes as she felt the water ripple around her and two wet arms wrap around her waist. They were both unclothed, the area private enough to go without. Clarke hadn't been sure at first but Lexa had promised her that few knew of the pool's existence and it was certainly hidden off the beaten path.

"Mmm, hi."

"Hi."

Lexa was as close as she could possible be and both of them were smiling. It still did something to Clarke, seeing Lexa so outwardly happy. Most of the time she kept her feelings hidden so far from the surface that you began to question if she felt at all.

Which of course she did. Clarke knew that Lexa felt more deeply than anyone could know. She wasn't a simple, shallow pool, she was an underwater labyrinth, complex and vastly interesting. 

"I think this was an excellent idea of yours. How did you know about this place?"

She felt Lexa's hands skim over the side of her thighs, keen for more than just wading with Clarke, but she enjoyed teasing Lexa, drawing her to show those emotion she concealed so well.

"I found it as a child. I knew this area well and used to explore sometimes. Anya believed it good to allow me some freedoms from my training schedule."

Lexa's voice was light and her eyes glazed as she reminisced about her childhood.

"What were you like then?"

"Responsible mostly, quiet, curious. Anya seemed frustrated at my lack of rebellion as if she took it as a character deficiency."

"Why didn't you rebel?"

Lexa regarded her calmly.

"Who from?" she asked in a soft tone. "I had no parents, no family. I was raised by trikru and trained by Anya. They saw fit to keep me alive and raise me. How could I rebel from that?"

"I don't know. Maybe because they stole you from your real family. Didn't you ever wonder? Who they were? Why they gave you up?"

Lexa's lower lip twitched and her eyes darted away, though she remained with her arms encircling Clarke. 

"I realised that it was pointless to wonder. I would never find out either way. Whether it was duty or I was torn from them, my fate was the same. Besides, trikru never stole me. Titus was responsible then for bringing in natblidas."

Clarke frowned as Lexa's eyes returned to her own.

"You do realise that the conclave cannot continue. It's insane, letting them fight to the death. I understand that you have certain beliefs but some things are just wrong."

"Does your people not believe in anything?" Lexa asked, with a frustrated sigh. "All cultures must have core beliefs to stand upon."

"Science," Clarke said, resting a hand on Lexa's upper back as she tried kicking her feet again under the water. "Tested, verifiable results. Repeatable upon testing. Science looks to find the truth through interrogation and evidence not belief."

"Hmm," Lexa said. "That sounds a fairly sound core belief but what if the evidence conflicts?"

"We discuss it," Clarke said. "Make a democratic decision. It's not perfect but it's the best we have."

"Sometimes, your culture confuses me. Not all things can be proven. Isn't your interpretation of the science still prone to human error?"

"It is," Clarke said. "But it means that we search for truth even it contradicts what we want to be true. Like gravity. See this."

Clarke picked reached up for a leaf and plucked it from a tree branch.

"If I drop this it will fall. That's not a belief, that's a testable fact. Unless something happens to stop it falling, as soon as I let go of it, the leaf will fall. It can be tested over and over again by many different people. You can have different beliefs about your flame and what you think happens to your spirit but someone else can come along and ask you to prove your beliefs and say that they don't believe it. But no matter what you believe about gravity it still exists despite your belief. You can drop this over and over again and the force of gravity will still mean that it falls, unless something stops it from doing so. Gravity is a testable, repeatable fact. I trust that. I can prove it."

"I think I understand," Lexa said. "You are saying that there is a different between belief and reality and that reality happens despite what you believe. Such as if a warrior believed themself invulnerable but the reality of them being injured when the blade pierces them will still happen either way."

"Exactly," Clarke said. "Because the human body when a blade pierces them is damaged. That's a scientific fact. No amount of belief will change that."

Lexa nodded slowly and then a smile spread across her lips as she raised her chin.

"What?" Clarke asked half laughing as she noticed Lexa staring at her.

"You are one of the few people I could engage in discussions like this with. Many are limited to the perspective of their own experiences alone. They believe that they already know all the answers."

"No one does," Clarke said. "But I'm a skeptic. I like to have evidence before I blindly follow someone's beliefs."

Lexa sighed and drew their bodies closer again. She gazed at Clarke as if she was all she had ever desired in the world, the emerald of her eyes lightened by the beaming gold sunshine that bathed the sapphire water. 

"Do you think less of me for not questioning the beliefs of the flame? Because I did question it, but I saw that our society functioned around it. Sometimes people need something to believe it."

"I don't think less of you. It's not easy to challenge all you have ever been taught to believe. You took on an extremely difficult role and thrived in it. Sometimes I guess it's harder not to rebel."

"I think that the world needs both kinds of people," Lexa said with a low hum. "Rebellious people and responsible people. They provide different aspects to a society. Sometimes ideas need to be challenged."

"Sometimes they do," Clarke said, "but believe it or not, I was more like you as a kid than I am now."

"Really?" Lexa asked. "I pictured you as quite a handful."

"We couldn't be rebellious much, not on the Ark. If you commited any crimes under the age of eighteen you were floated out into space. We had no room for mercy. Besides I never wanted to rebel until what happened with my father. After that my world view changed. I realised that those in charge weren't always the one's with the answers."

"No they don't," Lexa replied, "and then when you came to earth you had to become a leader and make decisions like those you hated had had to make."

"It's certainly strange when you have the tables reversed. Everyone looked to me and Bellamy for leadership after a while. I had never even thought of being a leader. I just didn't want us all to die."

"That's a better reason to be one than why most people want to lead. For many it's just about power or ego. The preservation of your people is a much better motive."

"You said that I was born to be a leader. In that tent, all that time ago. But most people don't want to listen or to follow me."

"Usually those who think they can do a better job but don't want to actually try to do so. You were born for it, because when it really matters you will do what you must. When all of your friends shied away from the reality of Finn's fate, you did what you must. Would any one of your people had made that decision, even though not doing so would have certainly meant the demise of your people? I knew from that moment that you were a true leader, not because you killed him to spare him the pain, but because you understood that his death was necessary for the alliance."

Something like regret flickered across Clarke's gaze. 

"Can we um talk about something else?"

Lexa smiled suddenly.

"We don't have to talk at all."

Clarke blinked rapidly and smiled back in pleasant surprise that she remembered those words. Clarke had said them to her last the day she been leaving Polis, after they'd had sex for the first time, when Clarke had been unable to walk away from her without even showing her that she felt the same. It was an unspoken knowledge between them, that they both had pain from the things they'd had to do as leaders and that they accepted when the other person wanted to stop talking about. 

"Fine with me," Clarke growled suddenly, putting a hand around the back of Lexa's head and bringing their lips together.

Lexa moaned ever so slightly into the kiss as they lounged in the warm, water, their limbs entangling around each other. Clarke felt a clumsy hand reaching for her breast. Lexa was so rarely clumsy, so rarely so worked up that she lost her grace and Clarke kinda loved it when she was more heated. Maybe it was the rebel in her that rejoiced at breaking her icy commander exterior, at burning right through it. 

Or maybe it was that deep down, Lexa had a bit of a rebellious side too. It was more hidden, less obvious but it was there. There was a fire in her that burned just as hot as the one in Clarke. An anger at how they'd both been raised to have to behave, to have to follow the rules no matter what and desire to forge their own paths of their own making. 

Lexa's mouth had been working up her body, over her collarbone and shoulders and then upwards over her neck. Her breath was hot against Clarke's damp skin.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" 

"Just that you and I are maybe not so responsible as everyone thinks."

"We kind of are," Lexa teased, "but I understand your meaning. Maybe we are rebels after all."

"God I hope so," Clarke breathed out, searching for Lexa's mouth desperately, "because I'm so tired of always being the good guy and the bad guy."

"Me too," Lexa gasped between kisses. 

"Less talking," Clarke reminded her, "more touching."

Lexa growled and spun Clarke around, placing her body down on the grainy bank, her bare body on top of Clarke's. They made out heatedly, Lexa's hands pushing up along Clarke's generous thighs as they sank into the ground, the water lapping up just over their legs. Lexa slipped her hands between Clarke's body and rubbed along the opening lips between them. She was careful, slow but not so slow that she teased her. She built up a rhythm, a deliberate, intense rhythm, never aggressive and always with pleasurable intention. 

She drew up and around in circles and applied pressure, slipping her long, forefinger inside, playing with her swelling clitoris. 

Clarke stared back up her at first and then gasped and closed her eyes. She held onto Lexa, her left palm resting on her bare back but as her moans become more desperate, her arms wound tighter around Lexa's back and neck, the same hand winding up into her hair and holding on as she worked up to her climax. 

She made a strangled, high noise in the back of her throat as she clung on to her, her body wracked with the waves of pulsating pleasure that Lexa gave her. 

She gasped and buried her nose in the side of Lexa's neck, in her damp hair, not wanting to ever let go of her. 

_I love you so much._

Had she been able to form coherent words or thoughts at that moment, that's what she'd have thought. Instead she felt it through every ounch of her body which felt heavy now that she had come, as if Lexa was gravity and had pulled her down to the Earth with sheer force. She panted and lay back, all of her muscles wanting rest, even though Lexa had done most of the work. 

Lexa brushed a hand over her hair, pushing the wet, blonde hair away from her face. Both of them were still soaked, in more ways than one, but Clarke would not let Lexa give her this moment and take nothing for herself. Clarke wanted her to experience such pleasure too. She wanted to let her release all those feelings that she buried while Clarke held her and brought her to climax too, letting her know that her emotions were not weakness but were strength, great strength. 

They gazed at each other, reading each others eyes, falling into each other, sharing something unspoken but as powerful as an earthquake in their souls, that tore them apart and reformed them into something stronger. 

Lexa took Clarke's hand and pressed it to her own heart and held it there, her eyes closed. Clarke saw a single tear drop from eyes, as Lexa's emotions finally overwhelmed her and spilled out and Clarke realised suddenly that there was fear there. 

"What? What is it?" 

She half sat up, cupping Lexa's jaw with her free hand but Lexa shook her head with closed eyes.

"I do not want to lose you again but my duty compells me to take Madi to Polis as a nightblood. I have tried to avoid this conversation with you but you know I will have to-"

Clarke put her free arm around her. 

"Sh, sh, it's alright. You won't lose me, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to and I know that you don't want to turn her in. I know that you care about all of them. I-I we'll figure this out together. I promise we will."

Lexa buried her face in Clarke's shoulder, letting her hand go and allowing both of Clarke's arms to engulf her now. She sighed and Clarke just held her.

"I promise," Clarke repeated, kissing the side of her forehead tenderly. 


	51. Changing Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke returns to camp to find Octavia there running an errand while Lexa and Anya have a difficult discussion about her disobedience. Clarke helps Lexa to face some difficult feelings about the world changing around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Some angst.

Clarke returned with Lexa, still a little concerned for her. It wasn't like her to be emotional but she understood her dilemma. She was questioning all she had known about duty and the weight of the loss of Shallow Valley was still on her shoulders. 

Lexa outwardly appeared fine but Clarke knew that Anya noticed as she glanced over from talking to Raven. She was the only one who ever seemed able to read Lexa like Clarke did. 

"Hey!"

Clarke turned around and saw Octavia standing behind her, recognising her voice right away.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Abby sent me with a message for your commander. Simple stuff, a request for some of the medicines from Mount Weather if they're still in tact."

Clarke hugged her, genuinely glad to see her. They both pulled back after a second. 

"So she found you after all. The commander charged right after you as soon as she could. Never seen her so rattled, not that she let many people see it."

"Um yeah. I should have listened. I could never have stopped it."

"But you tried," Octavia said. "This time you tried. That makes all the difference."

" _Skairipa_!"

Madi raced over and ran barrelling into Clarke hugging her like she had been gone for ever.

"This is her isn't it? This is _Skairipa_!"

A slight smile flickered across Octavia's eyes as she glanced down at Madi.

"Skairipa."

"This is Madi. She's from Shallow Valley. Um yeah this is Octavia. I might have told her some stories about you."

Octavia understood without her having to say it. If Madi was from louwoda kliron she was the only survivor. 

"You lived on the Ark with Clarke. You were on the dropship."

"Well we didn't know each other before we landed but yeah. I spent most of my life under the floor."

"I know," Madi gushed. "Clarke told me all about you and about Murphy and Bellamy and Raven and Monty and Jasper."

"Madi... why is your face dirty? What have you been up to all day? Nothing risky I hope."

Clarke dabbed at Madi's face who pulled away. 

"I was just playing. I was careful."

"Well go and wash your face before dinnertime."

"Is Octavia staying?"

Clarke raised her brows in question at Octavia.

"I don't need to head back right away," Octavia said. "I won't say no to a free meal."

"There you go," Clarke told Madi. "Now go get washed up before she changes her mind."

Madi set off running and Clarke shook her head, watching the excited girl head full speed towards the wash tent. When she turned back Octavia was chuckling to herself.

"What?" Clarke asked.

"You know that you sound just like your mom right?"

Clarke sighed.

"Oh I know. I guess I'm more like her than I thought."

"Is she training yet? I could help."

"No," Clarke said quickly, "but thanks. Lexa, she doesn't want anything to happen to the last surviving member of Shallow Valley."

Octavia didn't question her further but Clarke felt that familiar sense of worry that her friend might realise that she was hiding something.

"So you two are still okay? After you defied her? I wasn't sure if you would be."

"Lexa doesn't order me around. It's not the kind of relationship we have. Besides she understands why I did it."

Octavia made a low noise in her throat like a scoff. 

"All I'm saying is that if I had done that, she'd have had me tied to a tree. It really is love."

Clarke shook her head and laughed.

"O, behave. We should invite Raven to dinner. That means Anya will be there too. They're practically joined at the hip these days."

"Yeah I noticed that back in Arkadia when they had their tongues stuck down each others throats."

Clarke nudged Octavia with her elbow and they both laughed. 

  
"Where are you running off too little one?"

Anya caught Madi on the shoulder as she sped past her. 

"I'm having dinner with _Skairipa_. Clarke told me to wash my face first."

"You didn't mention the training did you?" Anya asked in a low voice.

"No. I said I was just playing and that's how I got dirty."

"Good."

Anya ruffled Madi's hair and watched her race into the wash room. She turned around to a scowling commander, who was just out of earshot.

"Anya, my tent. Now."

Anya mentally scolded herself. Lexa had not heard the conversation but she had seen the exchange and likely had guessed they had been up to no good. She would have to play it calm.

"Now!" Lexa called. 

Anya followed her into the tent, knowing that she was in for it now.

  
"What is the meaning of this? Did you defy my orders?"

"I did not-"

Lexa was in her face now, staring her down with menace.

"Do not _lie_ to me Anya. Her face was dirty and you showed her affection. You only do show favouritism like that to your students."

"I should not have defied your order but she needed some training. She is old enough."

"I gave you a direct order and you disobeyed. I should punish you for such insubordination. Maybe I am becoming too soft."

Anya rarely felt intimidated by anyone but when her commander was angry she was as intimidating as Ella had been. 

"I apologise heda."

Lexa turned around and sat back down on her throne with a sigh playing with her dagger on the wooden arm of it. 

"Tell me why you disobeyed. I have never known you to defy a single order."

"I already guessed what she is. I took her far from prying eyes. That is why you fear her fighting? Because she's a natblida and Clarke wishes to protect her from the conclave."

Lexa raised her head. She didn't look surprised that Anya had guessed, more that she had not said anything to her sooner.

"She may not be able to," Lexa said. "You know that I am bound by my duty to train her properly in the ways of the commander."

"You can't," Anya said. 

Lexa frowned in mild disbelief at her fos, cocking her head as she glared at her. 

"You agree with Clarke? You, who turned me over to the conclave without question and trained me for it?"

"I trained you to survive because Titus already knew of your existence. Had you been a trikru nightblood child that had been hidden, I would never have done that."

Lexa's jaw flexed and she rose to face her teacher, deeply unhappy with the constant challenges to her belief system. Clarke she expected to question her. That was the relationship they had always had. Anya had never been anything but a constant in her life. She had taught her to be dutiful. Taught her to be disciplined. 

"You realise what you are saying, that you are admitting that you would defy the traditions of our people."

Anya held firm in her convictions.

"Some traditions are not meant to be upheld. I did my duty to you to help you survive. I made sure you were able to win but I will stand by silent while you send that child to slaughter Aden and the others."

Lexa shook her head and turned away. 

"You should not have told me this. It would be easier if I hadn't known you felt this way. You admit your own guilt. I killed Gustus for his betrayal to the alliance and he was trying to protect me from skaikru. The alliance works because we have a common belief system. I have altered it too much already."

"And Clarke knows what you intend? She is okay with this?"

"Of course not," Lexa hissed. "But she knows the difficult position I am in. She doesn't make me feel guilty for having to make these decisions. We have already agreed to discuss it before my final decision is made."

"I would die to protect you Lexa. You are my commander and my student but I need you to know that in this I will never obey you."

Lexa stopped dead and stared at her, absolutely unable to believe that Anya would be disloyal in this way.

"I know what you are thinking," Anya said. "You think I am being disloyal but you are wrong. My loyalty is to you and that is why I will not support this. You do not know what a mistake it would be."

"I am well aware of the burden I would have to bear. Do you think I want them to have to do it? But the alliance is built upon the commander and the conclave. How else would our leaders be chosen? How else respected?"

Anya for once was at a loss for ideas but she showed no give in her stance and they remained deadlocked.

"Because you are my teacher, I will give you a chance to reconsider your position and stand by my side but let it be known that if you defy my order in this I will not be able to protect you from the law."

"I know that heda," Anya said. "I will say nothing about Madi's blood to anyone but I will not help you with the conclave. Not in any way or form."

"Leave. Now," Lexa commanded. "You have said enough for one day. I need to think."

Anya hated how Lexa turned her head, clearly feeling betrayed but she knew in her heart that she wasn't betraying her. She was saving her from being responsible for the death of her own kin. Even if Madi won, she would have to kill the other nightbloods, something that she would have to carry with her forever. 

Clarke entered just as Anya turned away and left. She must have sensed the tension between them because the first words out of her mouth were, "everything alright?"

As soon as Anya was gone Lexa threw her arms around Clarke as if she was the only constant in her life now.

"Anya knows," Lexa muttered under her breath. "About Madi. She will tell no one but she agrees with you."

Clarke just held her, rubbing her back in that soft way she did. 

"That's strange. I would never have expected her to be against it."

"First Gustus, then Titus, then Anya. I am losing those I trust one by one."

"No you aren't," Clarke said. "I'm sure Anya has good reasons. Everything she does is out of loyalty to you, and you won't lose me over this. You know that."

Lexa held her tighter, breathing her in. She was used to being alone. She had dealt with so much and had been alone for so long in her responsibilities. 

"How do I keep the alliance together if I change our belief system further? Give me a solution to this because I can see no other right now."

Clarke rubbed her back a few times more before moving her hand into the back of Lexa's braids. 

"Hmm... let me think about it. We have time yet. What is you always say when I'm getting too impatient? Don't rush forward when you still have time to weigh your options."

Lexa smiled and pulled back to gaze at her. 

"You are right. I am letting my emotions cloud my thoughts."

"No you aren't," Clarke said. "You need your emotions. They are telling you that you aren't happy with what you think you have to do. Your emotions are just information to tell you how you feel about what's going on in your life. But it isn't like you to be like this. What is it that's really bothering you?"

"I never got a childhood. Never got a life beyond being the commander. I don't want to do that another but I was trained to believe that it was necessary. Everything I believed in has been explained away by your science. The chip, the nightblood..."

"Oh," Clarke said suddenly understanding. "I felt the same when my dad was floated. Like everything I knew had been a lie. But Lexa the alliance wasn't a lie. Your beliefs in being the best commander you could be and making the lives of your people better. None of that was a lie. Who you are, whatever your decision is, and you know I will defy it, if it's that one, but you'll still be the best leader I have ever known. That's why they all follow you, why they all respect you. Even Gustus, even Titus and especially Anya. They might have disagreed but they _respected_ you."

Lexa brushed Clarke's semi-damp hair aside from her face and smiled.

"The threat of death if they didn't, helped."

Clarke smiled, recognising the sarcasm in Lexa's tone. 

"I thought mockery was not the product of a strong mind."

Lexa smiled back now, lowering her eyes and blinking. 

"I invited Octavia for dinner and Raven by the way. Madi was kinda gushing over skairipa."

"Skairipa?" Lexa asked. "Why on earth does she call her that?"

"Some of my stories about Octavia were a little uh violent. I think as well because O lived in hiding for most of her life... She's never met anyone else who was like her that way. She knows not to reveal anything."

Lexa hummed, much calmer now.

"Dinner would be nice. I worked up an appetite at the lake."

Clarke grinned now.

"Oh I bet you did. _Fucking_ me on the bank like that."

Lexa raised her brows at her language but Clarke just raised her chin and smiled back. 

"I'm not sure I believe that you weren't more rebellious on the Ark," Lexa said. "Remind me to ask your mom about it later. I'm sure she has some stories to tell."

"Don't you dare!" Clarke teased, raising one finger to warn her. 

Lexa smirked as if very pleased with her idea and pulled Clarke towards her and into a deep kiss and her earlier upset was almost completely forgotten as Clarke melted in her arms. 


	52. Family and Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner goes well until the stelt hosas attack. Lexa strikes a bargain with one of the nomads and her and Anya come to blows over Madi again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation 
> 
> Stelt hosas - stealth riders/nomads

The meal was a pleasant one for the most part. Clarke and Octavia seemed in good cheer and Madi was thrilled with their guest, asking her nonstop questions. Raven laughed with her friends but Anya and Lexa barely communicated, the tension still thick between them.

Despite that Clarke shot warm smiles at Lexa and she was eased by her presence. 

It was only halfway through when there was a shout from outside.

" _Stelt hosas_!"

"The nomads," Clarke exclaimed, both her and Lexa rushing from their chairs immediately. They were outside in seconds, Anya stopping Madi from following them. 

Outside arrows were flying into their camp as a few riders broke their lines. Lexa drew her sword and caught one of them as they passed, knocking them from their horse.

Her people repelled the attack but Lexa was down upon the fallen rider in seconds, disarming them and dragging them up by their collar. It was a young woman with a tattoo over her eye. 

Lexa swiped her hand away as she tried to fight and Clarke grabbed it.

"Radiation?" she asked. "Were you born with this?"

The girl merely glared back at her silently. 

"Some are. They are often exiled or murdered. Some believe it needs removing from the bloodline."

Clarke shot a disapproving look at Lexa.

"What? I don't." Lexa glanced around, listening to the dimming of the sound of the action in the distance. "The arrows have stopped, they are retreating. Likely they were trying to puncture through our defences, testing us."

She narrowed her eyes, analysing the situation in her head, working out what to do next. The woman struggled but Lexa held her easily. 

"You are not one of them, or your weren't until recently," Lexa said to the woman. "What did they offer to recruit you to their cause?"

"Food, shelter. Didn't take much."

She seemed to speak English as well as Lexa and Clarke wondered if most exiles learned the other tongue. She scrutinised Lexa's mannerisms. She was planning something, Clarke was sure of it.

"If I provide what you need, will you tell me what you know of them? I need inside information."

"And what will happen when I've fulfilled my use? You'll kill me, throw me aside."

"As long as you remain loyal, you will be provided for. I swear it."

The woman glanced between them, considering her options.

"Deal."

Lexa nodded and slowly loosened her grip.

"What is your name?"

The woman brushed herself down, concealing her hand under her sleeve. She had long, brown hair and brown eyes and wore a small, loose, fabric cap over her hair. 

"Emori," she said. 

"Can I talk to you about your condition?" Clarke asked. "It might provide some really valuable insight on the effects of radiation on the ground."

Emori glanced at Lexa at a loss, very confused by her request. 

"Her noumon is a healer for _skaikru_ ," Lexa explained. "Her request is genuine. You will not talk without a guard in the same room. If you try to harm anyone, I will kill you."

Clarke hadn't even noticed that she was linking arms with Lexa now but from the way Emori was glancing between the two of them, she had already figured out who Clarke actually was by now. Word had clearly spread.

Lexa barked orders at some of her people to make Emori comfortable but to keep her guarded and then started walking back to the tent, arm in arm with Clarke. 

"We should return home as quick as possible," Lexa told her. "Polis cannot wait any longer. Neither can my decision."

Clarke nodded but blinked and Lexa knew that she would protect Madi no matter what but would also still be hers even if they disagreed. It gave Lexa a sense of relief that Clarke seemed to understand on this how important the decision was with Madi. 

"They were here for her," Lexa said softly. "That means they won't stop trying. Eventually people are going to notice and start asking questions."

"I know," Clarke said thoughtfully. "I've been thinking about that. I still don't have any answers yet. Did you talk to Anya yet? You two were quiet, well quieter than usual."

"No," Lexa said. "She is being very stubborn."

Clarke smiled.

"I guess that's where you got it from then."

Lexa shot her a look. "You are not in a position to talk to anyone about being too stubborn."

Clarke chuckled. Lexa knew her too well.

  
A few hours later...

"Anya I have told you. I must turn Madi in. Not only do the stealth riders know of her existence but she is the only surviving nightblood of Shallow Valley. I must uphold our traditions."

They had been arguing for some time in the commander's tent. Dinner had ended hours before and they had moved camp for the night planning to travel at early light to Polis. The whole camp was on alert but Anya far from being at guard duty seemed far more concerned with trying to convince Lexa that she was wrong about the conclave. Lexa had thought fully about her decision and she could see little solution to it. Maybe she could find ways to ease the need for death in the conclave but it would take time and likely in the end she wouldnt be around to enforce it. 

"You cannot Heda. You cannot turn her in. She is not like the others. You don't know what it would mean."

Lexa was growing more frustrated with her teacher. Clarke had cheered her up immeasurably earlier that day and had supported her greatly. But Anya would not let it go. It had been Clarke she had imagined having the most difficulty with in these discussions not Anya.

"Why are you so concerned with one child? You know that our duties is to all our people? As it always has been. What am I missing?"

Anya remained quiet, her eyes darting away from Lexa. It was so unlike her to not be forthcoming and Lexa really hated this gnawing feeling that Anya was hiding something.

"Then this conversation is done and I will hear no more of it. I will have you reassigned to the skaikru work detail if you day say another word about it."

"Heda please, you don't..."

Lexa got in her face now.

"One more word, I warn you. If it isn't to agree or to tell me the truth then I will be patient with you no longer."

"It is not my secret to tell. I am not supposed to know."

"Anya!" Lexa yelled growing impatient.

"She's your sister."

The words spilled out and Lexa felt like she had been hit by an arrow to the chest. Of all the things she had imagined her saying, her words couldn't have been more different.

"What?" 

Her voice was quiet, barely a whisper as she tried to process this new information. Anya raised her chin and addressed her more honestly now.

"My teacher Ella was your mother and Madi's. I knew it from the early days. You were very like her. Titus never told me but it was obvious."

"I don't understand," Lexa said. "I was taken randomly. All _natblidas_ are."

Anya sighed. 

"I was told that Titus murdered her. No one knew that she was pregnant but me and your father. It was hidden from everyone and I overheard her and Titus talking. He wanted to take the child. I figured it out when he brought you to me, after news of her death."

"It's not possible."

"Lexa?"

"Get out!" Lexa yelled, visibly shaken by the news. "I need time to think."

Anya nodded, seeing how it distressed her and left her with her thoughts. Lexa closed her eyes, trying to centre herself but a rage bubbled up within her that she hadn't known had been there and she knocked her maps from her desk.

_This can't be true_ she thought. _Anya is playing a cruel trick. Madi can't be my blood._

She forced herself to calm, to think through it, as she would usually do. She had been trained to deal with anything. She could deal with this.

She opened her eyes and stared towards the tent exit. 

_I have to know if this is true_ she thought _. I must find out_.

  



	53. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa struggles with the new knowledge about Madi's identity and her past and Clarke settles Madi into her new quarters.

Lexa watched as Clarke chased Madi in circles in the centre of her camp. It had been the night before Anya had suggested that Madi was her sister. Lexa had slept fitfully, telling Clarke that she was fine when asked what was wrong. They were readying to ride back to Polis that day, but Lexa took a moment to watch them playing. Madi was beaming with joy as she taunted Clarke that she would have to catch her and then ran off. When Clarke's arms came around Madi, enclosing her in a bear hug as she caught her, Madi was still smiling, as was Clarke and Lexa found herself studying Madi for similarities to herself. She was a similar build to Lexa at that ages her hair a little darker and her eyes a different colour but other than that she did have a similar appearance.

Clarke told her to get up on her horse and stop playing around but there was a note of playfulness to her tone and Lexa could see that the two were growing closer. Clarke didn't see it yet but Madi was beginning to see her like a parent. She vied for Clarke's attention, listened to her more than anyone else and directed all of her disobedience towards her too.

When Clarke mounted her horse and turned to see where Lexa had gotten to, Lexa moved at once to mount her own horse, not wanting to give anything away. 

"Ready to go?" Clarke asked her.

"Yes," Lexa said. "Let's head out."

The procession moved at her command and Lexa glanced to Madi who was riding her own horse now beside them. She had convinced the girl not to run from them but she almost wished she had told her the opposite. If not for what Anya had told her, she would have likely given her over to be trained in the conclave. As it stood she couldn't even consider doing that now. Madi seemed far too young to even understand the danger she had been in. 

They hadn't gotten far before being attacked again. Her people were ready this time, but Lexa saw the glare on Madi's face as she realised who it was attacking. She was readying herself to fight and Lexa felt a strange surge of pride at that and yet all she could think of was that if Anya told the truth, Madi was in terrible danger. If anyone else ever found out, they might attack her to get to Lexa.

They defeated the attack easier this time and were soon on their way again and they reached Polis before sundown.

"Wow, is that it?"

Lexa glanced towards Madi yet again as they pulled up to Polis and the tower was in sight. The child's jaw had dropped. She had led her whole life sheltered and it was quite a sight to behold. For Lexa, the tower reminded her of her miscalculation over Titus. It reminded her that she had trusted him and all along he had been the one to rip her away from her family. 

"Have you made a decision yet?" Clarke asked in a low whisper, leaning over to her. 

Lexa had made a decision but that decision was no longer viable. 

"No," she replied, "we will keep the secret for now. Let's discuss this later."

Clarke nodded and touched her arm and Lexa blinked, wondering if anything she had ever been taught had been true.

Love is weakness was not true. The conclave was nothing more than a way for Titus and people like him to raise their own leaders and control them. Had Clarke not come into her life, would she have even questioned them at all? It took an outsider to give her a different perspective. 

"I'll get her set up in her room. You probably have a lot to talk about with your other ambassadors. Did you need me to be there?"

"Not for this one," Lexa said. "I will merelt be updating them on Shallow Valley and the mountain but thank you."

Clarke glanced at her and nodded. 

The first thing the commander of the thirteen clans did that day however, was not to speak to her advisors. She called Anya to a private meeting room and demanded answers.

"You need to tell me everything you know about my family," she said. "Everything."

Anya didn't seem surprised by her request but by the intensity of her tone. Nevertheless Lexa listened carefully, her hands behind her back, walking back and forth as Anya related the tale to her. 

"Everything's so big here," Madi gushed as she moved around her new quarters. "How high up are we?"

Clarke smiled at her enthusiasm, unpacking what few items Madi had brought with her.

"Very high."

Madi glanced up out of the balcony.

"Space is really high. Did it feel high up?"

"Not really," Clarke said. "We tried not to think about it. I could see the Earth from the Ark and the moon. It was incredible to see from up there. The moon is so big and bright and there's all these craters on it that are named seas. There's no water of course but it's great."

Clarke picked up a nearby tangerine from the fruit bowl in the room and held it up.

"See this? The moon looks kinda this shape. You can see it sometimes even though it seems round."

Madi took the tangerine from her and held it up.

"Will you show me how to draw it?"

"Sure," Clarke said with a smile, "but first we have to go over your responses if anyone asked who you are."

"Again...?" Madi groaned. 

"Yes, again," Clarke said. "I know it's frustrating but it's important. No one can know how special you are."

 _More special than she knows_ Clarke thought. _Should I tell Lexa what I think? She dismissed the idea of her being related but they are so alike I swear they are sisters._

She'd had the thought more than once. All she knew about Lexa's birthright was that she was given to Anya to train and that no one had known why but Clarke could swear that there was more to the story than Anya was letting on. 

"Can I go to school with the other kids?" Madi asked.

"Maybe," Clarke said. "Once we are sure it will be safe and once everything is settled."

Madi sighed and Clarke wished that she could just have a normal life like every other child. But the problem was that she wasn't normal and Clarke knew from growing up with Wells how people reacted to the loved ones of prominent politicians, how they projected onto them what their fathers had done. Wells had never hurt anyone but he had always been a target for people'd anger towards his father. 

Madi hugged her suddenly.

"What's this for?" Clarke asked, a little surprised.

"You looked sad," Madi said. "Like you were thinking about your dad."

Clarke smiled. Sometimes she was so young that she forgot how much tragedy Madi had seen. She noticed almost right away when someone was grieving.

"I was thinking about Wells but thanks. Hey, that's an idea. How would you like to learn a game we used to play called Chess?"

Madi pulled back and tilted her head in a similar manner to Lexa. 

"Really? You'll teach me?"

"Sure Madi. I'll go and get the board and we can set it up."


	54. The Commander's Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke notices that Lexa had been distant upon returning to Polis and tries to figure out why and Lexa makes a definite decision after teaching the nightbloods.

Clarke knew that something was off with Lexa but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. Madi was settling in quite well. She fell into a routine at Polis fairly easily, perhaps happy to finally be around other children though they made sure to remind her every day not to give away any inclination of her origins to anyone. 

Lexa was acting as if everything was fine and Clarke would have no indication that it wasn't, except that she seemed to be moodier than usual and a little more distracted. 

A few times she found Lexa and Anya talking privately and wondered if they had really made up yet. They didn't seem as heated but Clarke really disliked the feeling she got when she walked in and they stopped talking. 

Eventually she went to ask Raven if she had noticed anything, the young, zero-g mechanic spending almost all of her time, fixing up and installing Polis' electronic systems. 

"Have I noticed anything? With Anya?" Raven repeated, her head ducked into the open lift and a wrench in her hand. "Like what? She's fairly moody just in general. It would be hard to notice the difference."

Clarke frowned, her lips pressed tightly together. She knew that something was up but just what, she had no idea.

"Have you tried asking Lexa herself?" Raven suggested.

"When? I've barely seen her since she's been back."

Raven lifted her head up and glanced over at her.

"Did you argue about something?"

"No, we've been getting on great."

"Well I don't know what to tell you? Maybe she just doesn't want to talk about whatever it is."

Clarke thought about it but Lexa was not the one prone to hiding her thoughts, Clarke was. If anything, Lexa was always decidedly straightforward. 

"Hmm..."

"You aren't going to let this go are you?" Raven asked.

"I think we both know the answer to that," Clarke quipped. 

Raven shot her a grin and ducked her head back inside the lift.

Lexa entered the room with the natblidas as usual to teach her lessons but when she saw Madi saying goodbye to her new friends at the door it stopped her in her tracks. 

She was talking with Aden who seemed to be becoming good friends with her already. 

"Madi," Lexa suggested. "As you are already here why don't you listen to the lessons."

Lexa didn't know how to come to terms with it, knowing who she was now and as Madi seated herself at the back and the commander began to recite the lessons, she began to hate the words coming from her own mouth. Words that had once been a comfort to her were soured. All she could picture now was Madi and her new friends in a fight to the death, covered in black blood and Titus standing over their mother having murdered her.

Anya had filled in the gaps as much as possible and Lexa had privately and carefully asked Madi to relate the information of her mother's death to her. From what she knew her noumon had been poisoned first, too strong a fighter for Titus to take on any other way. It made Lexa seethe to think of it. That her own mother had been denied the chance to go down fighting like a warrior should. 

"Let's change the lesson for today?" Lexa suggested unable to bear reciting the words any more. "Let's practise debating instead. Let's talk about the relevance of the conclave and those who would see it removed from our society. Does the argument have any merit? Let's discuss."

Lexa started the discussion, her eyes drifting naturally towards Madi, who was instinctively remaining silent on the debate. Aden raised a few good points about it being a threat to the survival of the nightblood heritage to their people, while others pointed out the necessity of it to their sacred beliefs. None of them, however showed any hint of fear but Madi and Lexa knew in that way, that she had done to them what Titus had done to her. She had taught them to expect their deaths, to prepare for it even and that's when Lexa made her final decision. 

"Lesson is dismissed for today," she said, surprising them when she ended it early. "You may all leave."

They all headed out and Lexa turned her back to them, her hands clasped together behind her but she knew that Madi was still hovering around. When it was just the two of them, Lexa called her name.

"Was that too much?" Lexa asked. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

"No," Madi said, moving closer. "None of them here have seen death so they don't even know to fear it do they?"

"They are prepared not to fear it," Lexa said thoughtfully. 

She turned around and faced her younger sister, having avoided her for the most part since she had found out 

"You don't need to fear it either," she said. "I won't tell them who you are. You will never participate in the conclave."

Madi's brow creased in confusion as if a part of her hadn't truly ever believed that Lexa would let her go. 

"Shouldn't I though? Aden says it's his duty to serve the people."

Lexa felt a bitter taste in her own mouth at her words. She had taught Aden to believe that herself and now she no longer knew what to believe herself.

"Maybe it is, but society can't survive without change. Maybe Clarke is right in that respect. Traditions can prove too harmful sometimes to uphold."

The door opened and Madi turned her head. 

"Speaking of Clarke," the child said dryly, "she's probably here to tell me off for staying during the lesson."

Lexa watched Clarke enter with a warmth in her heart at the sight of her. 

"She worries," Lexa just told Madi. "Now go along now with the others. I have to speak to my fianceé."

Madi smiled as if the the word suddenly reminded her, that Clarke and Lexa due to get married and seemed overly pleased at the thought. Madi turned around and ran towards Clarke who caught her in a hug. Lexa watched them from the corner of her eye, knowing that Clarke was whispering a minor scolding to Madi out of fear for her safety. Lexa could not help but feel a twinge of something deeper every time she saw her fianceé with her little sister and how much she seemed to mother her. 

When Madi left and Lexa saw Clarke turn to her with that questioning look, the one she had been avoiding for days, Lexa knew that she wasn't getting out of this one.

"What's going on?" Clarke said, striding over to her. "And don't you day pretend there's nothing. I know something is wrong."

"I'm sorry," Lexa said quickly. "I have been distant, I know. I was trying to come to terms with some things."

"Is this about Madi? Have you decided?"

"I have," Lexa said. "I won't allow her to enter it. I think you are right that it needs to be changed. I need to find a reasonable way to do it though and it could be a long process and..."

Clarke reached for Lexa's arm.

"Wait, you agree?" Clarke shook her head. "I'm pleased of course but I didn't expect-"

Lexa sighed softly.

"There's something you need to know Clarke. Something Anya told me."

Clarke lifted her chin, immediately locking eyes with her expectantly.

"Madi is my sister," Lexa told her. 

Clarke didn't say anything, not sure what to make of her words. 

"Anya knew my mother. Her teacher, Ella was my mother. She's quite sure of it. Madi's mother, Ella. Everyone thought her dead and Titus thought Anya would not see the connection between me and her."

"Wait, you're serious. But how- wait I kept saying you too looked alike. I knew it. But that means that..."

Lexa knew that she had already figured it out.

"Titus killed my mother and then raised me to be his student."

"Oh..." Clarke said softly, understanding now. "That must - that must be hard for you."

"I don't know what to believe," Lexa said, waving her hands as she spoke. "Everything I was taught was a lie. Titus misused his position to instil a leader sympathetic to his cause. Anya says that my own mother didn't believe in the conclave."

Clarke reached for Lexa's hands to still them, holding them gently. 

"It's okay to be confused, to be angry even."

"Oh believe me I am," Lexa said, raising her brow. 

"But you still know who you are at heart. You're still the same commander you always were and so what, you are questioning his teachings. That's a good thing. It means that you can come to your own conclusions and find better ways to do things."

"I don't know that they will accept this. We have asked a lot of changes for our people already. This- this will be the largest yet."

"Hey, we'll work it out together. We will find a way. I know it."

Lexa was grateful, so very grateful at that moment to have Clarke in her life. For so long she had dealt with everything alone, leading, decision making, her advisors tearing her in different directions as alone made the hard calls. 

Lexa threw her arms around Clarke.

"I'm sorry I have been distant. I needed time to process."

"I get it," Clarke said. "I would have been the same. It's a lot to deal with, but next time, try to talk to me. I'm here for you. We are a team remember."

Lexa smiled and buried herself into Clarke's shoulder, inhaling the sweet scent of her. She bathed regularly at Polis and Lexa had to admit that Polis' luxuries agreed with her. She smelled divine. 

"I could never forget it," Lexa whispered. 


	55. Family Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby visits Polis after changing her role at Arkadia and meets Madi and Clarke suggests a dna test to confirm if Madi is really Lexa's sister.

Clarke didn't know how they were going to tell Madi about Lexa. Lexa, herself was barely dealing with the revelation and she was the commander, well used to dealing with pressure and constant change.

"You're thinking awfully hard there. Planning your wedding?"

Clarke spun around at her mom's voice, thrilled to see her again and rushed to hug her. 

"What are you doing here?"

Abby glanced around Clarke and Lexa's shared room. There were signs of their cohabitation, Clarke's drawings and clothing, Lexa's numerous candles. 

"I hope you explained to Lexa the dangers to the lungs of this many candles," Abby said. "There was an election while you were gone. I stepped down and Kane was sworn in."

Clarke glanced at her mom's face, trying to see if she was happy or unhappy about that. 

"It was time," Abby said. "I was only ever taking charge temporarily. You know that I prefer to be in the med bay than in politics."

"Of course," Clarke said. "That's why you're here taking a break?"

"Only for a short time, while things are stable and to share some medical knowledge with the healers while I am here, especially with regards to gun shot wounds."

Clarke knew that she was referring to Lexa. She had put it out of her mind as much as possible but sometimes she would wake up from a nightmare in which she was holding Lexa, black blood all over her hands. But Lexa would be there and would place a hand on her shoulder and gently reassure her that she was still there. 

"Sounds good," Clarke said. "I'm just on my way to see Madi. Did you want to meet her?"

Abby remained motionless, blinking as if not sure what she was talking about. 

"Please don't tell me you've moved on already. I was actually beginning to like Lexa."

Clarke chuckled. 

"No, no, no, Madi is the sole survivor of the missile. We took her in. She's just a kid."

"Ah," Abby said. 

"Come on," Clarke said."I'm sure she would like to meet you."

Abby smiled, at ease more than Clarke had ever seen her, now that the clans were mostly at peace. Things have been going well in Arkadia as far as Clarke had heard. For the first time in forever they weren't in constant danger, food was plentiful and supplies were consistent. 

No wonder Lexa keeps the kongeda together so well. It's far easier to be at peace and working together.

They walked together along the corridor and Abby heard her name being yelled. She only saw a blur of brown hair before Raven all but tackled her into hug. 

"Nice to see you too," Abby said with a smile. "You seem well."

Raven beamed at her. 

"Yeah well, Anya and I have been training, within my limits. It's helping."

Abby gave her leg an admiring glance. 

"I can see that. Your movement is much better. Whatever she's teaching you it's working."

"I gotta head off. I'm meeting her for lunch but I'll catch up with you later."

"Later," Abby repeated. 

Raven turned and headed away quickly as Clarke and Abby shared a knowing look.

"They seem to be getting along very well, her and Anya."

"Yeah," Clarke replied, "I've never seen her so happy. She seems to be really into her and Anya gets all soft around her. It's weird."

They carried on walking, talking as they moved.

"So Madi lost everyone in the missile?"

"She was orphaned before that but yeah, her entire village. She's a tough kid. She kind of kidnapped me."

Abby snorted.

"Sounds like you as a child."

"Hey I rarely got into trouble," Clarke protested.

"Yes but when you did get into trouble, you really got into trouble. Or have you forgotten why you were kicked out of first grade for three weeks?"

"They were bullying Wells. I was saving him."

Abby gave her a long, hard look.

"You tricked them to follow you into the airlock and then shut them in."

"They weren't in any danger," Clarke said. 

"No but the teacher didn't know that."

"Okay fair point," Clarke muttered. "Don't tell Madi that story. I don't want her to get any ideas."

"Okay so explain to me, are you raising this girl or is she going to be put with other family members? Because it seems like you have half adopted her."

They reached the training room, where the nightbloods were but when they entered Abby saw one lone child sitting drawing by herself. She seemed upset and Abby saw Clarke's brows knit into a concerned frown and Abby knew that she had her answer. 

"Madi?" Clarke called. "Come and meet my mom."

Madi glanced up and picked up her things and headed towards Clarke. She had a small pack on her back and her hair was neatly braided. 

"Is this her?" Madi asked, once they were outside. 

"Yep," Clarke said. "Let's head to the study and we can sit down and talk."

"Oh," Madi sighed, crestfallen, knowing that Clarke had noticed.

"Madi? What is it? Did something happen today? You seem upset."

"No," Madi said. "It's just... they spend all day training and in lessons and all I do is draw. I want to see more of Polis."

"Oh," Clarke said. "You're feeling cooped up?"

"She could learn some medicine with me if she likes," Abby said. "I'm going to be teaching the healers some of the basics. That might be more interesting for you."

"What like blood, guts and gore?" Madi said with her nose screwed up.

"If you can handle it," Abby said. 

"I can handle it," Madi protested. "Clarke, can I learn with Abby?"

Clarke glanced at her mom. 

"Sure," she said. "Why don't you run along to Lexa and tell her we have a guest in the study? Let me talk to my mom for a minute okay."

Madi kissed Clarke on the cheek before running off. 

"She seems well adjusted," Abby said. 

"In here," Clarke said, once they reached the study. 

Once they were both inside, Clarke glanced around the hallway before closing the door.

"Look, she can go and learn with you tomorrow but I need to tell you something. Madi is - well she's special."

"Clarke," Abby said. "I think you might be taking this parenting thing too far."

"No I mean. She's different. She's ugh - I need you to promise that what I tell you, will not be repeated to anyone ever."

Abby stared at her, confused by her words.

"She's a nightblood," Clarke said in a hushed voice. Her mother hid her from the conclave. That's why she cannot get injured or train with the other kids. It's a risk."

"She's - so why not just put her with the other nightbloods?"

"No, you don't understand. She can't. We won't put her through that. She's - she's Lexa sister."

"What?" Abby asked. "How? You said she was from Shallow Valley? Lexa is from trikru isn't she?"

"No one is supposed to know where nightbloods are from. Lexa was given to Anya's village for her to train and Anya was trained by Lexa's mom. Anya always suspected who she was."

"I could do a dna test. You could find out for sure."

"That's a good idea. Although I'm pretty certain. She's like a mini Lexa half the time."

Abby nodded. 

"I could see that. What are you going to do? You'll have to keep it secret. No one can ever know."

Clarke frowned.

"We don't know but Lexa is rethinking a lot of things. It's likely Titus killed her mom if it's true and he taught her everything about duty. She doesn't want Madi to have to go through what she did. Neither do I."

"You have grown quite attached to her haven't you?" Abby said. 

"I have," Clarke said. "I can't understand it. She needs me and she's so like Lexa it's like..."

"Like she's your child, both of you."

"Either way she's family."

Abby nodded.

"I guess I have a granddaughter then. I won't say a word and I'll make sure she isn't in any danger in the lessons."

Clarke nodded and then sighed slowly. 

"I never understood how much work it was for you to raise me and how much you worry, all the time for them. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time."

Abby smiled a little.

"All children give their parents a hard time. It's the way of life. She likes drawing then?"

"Yeah," Clarke said cheerfully. "Her clan was very much into the arts. She seems to enjoy it. I am going to need to find more activities for her. She wants to go to school fully like the other kids in Polis but- we can't do that just yet. It's not safe."

"You can't always protect them," Abby said. "No matter how much you try to keep her safe, she'll have her own ideas and they often won't agree with yours."

"I know, she's quite good. Look, she was trying to draw what she imagined the ark to look like."

Clarke showed her mom some of the drawings as they sat down at the table. 

"Who's this?" Abby asked, tilting one of the pages aside to see a drawing of a woman. 

"Her father I think," Clarke said. "That one was of her mother, Ella."

"She really looks like Lexa. They both do," Abby muttered. 

"Yeah. That's what I thought but it would be nice to have confirmation. We'll ask Lexa about the dna test when she gets here."

As if on cue, Lexa opened the door and walked in. She glanced at them both and then closed the door behind them.

"Madi had run off to play that chess game with Aden again. I hope you weren't expecting her to join us for lunch. Abby, nice to see you again. I hear you have retired from your role as chancellor and that Kane has taken the position."

"Yes," Abby said to her. "I prefer to stick to medicine. I thought I would help improve some of your healing techniques while I was here if that's okay with you."

"That would be excellent," Lexa said, rather stiffly. "Sharing this knowledge with us is a very valuable gift from your people."

"Lexa," Clarke said. "I told her, about Madi."

"I won't tell a soul," Abby said quickly.

Lexa met her eyes, a rare hint of fear hidden behind her own. She steeled herself seconds later. 

"I see. Did you think to ask me Clarke before revealing this?"

"Sorry," Clarke said, "but she can help us know for certain."

Lexa's eyes narrowed and her tone softened. She moved closer to them both.

"How?"

"She can do a dna test. Siblings share a percentage of dna. It can prove either way if she is or isn't. Don't you want to know?"

"Of course," Lexa said, her anger dissipating entirely now. "But the more people know, the more likely there is of the secret getting out. They would kill her to get to me. You know that."

"I do," Clarke said. "You're right. I should have asked you first."

"It's already forgotten," Lexa said softly. "I trust you Clarke and your mother. How soon can you do the test?"

"We just need a cheek swab. I'll take some from Madi when I'm teaching her under the guise of showing her how it's done. We need one from you too Lexa and we'll get the answer we need."

Lexa glanced at Abby with gratitude. 

"Good. I will stop by tomorrow too. Are you staying for lunch. I can have it brought in here while we get some quarters set up for you."

"I'm staying thank you. You didn't have to set up a room for me but thank you. It will be preferable to sleeping in the Rover I drove here in. Lunch would be great."

Lexa smiled and glanced at Clarke who smiled back at her. 

"Lunch it is then," she said. 


	56. The Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets the results of the dna test from Abby. Lexa and Clarke talk wedding plans and Abby asks Anya for a favour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Fisa - healer

Lexa paced nervously as she awaited the results. She was used to waiting. In war she could be the most patient person ever but for this... The situation was so far from anything she knew. 

"Nothing needs to change," Clarke reassured her. "You already made your decision about changing your traditions."

"It changes everything," Lexa rebutted. "It would mean I have family. It would mean that Titus really did kill my mother."

Abby opened the door to the study and Lexa and Clarke both turned to her expectantly. Clarke was in a flowing blue dress, Lexa in her commander clothes but with her jacket open.

"I got the result."

Lexa was still as a statue as she waited for Abby to tell her.

"You're sisters, the dna results have a 92% probability rate of you sharing the same parents."

Lexa glanced to Clarke who half laughed in relief then she glanced back to Abby. 

"Did you destroy the results as I asked?"

"Yes," Abby said carefully. "I did the tests personally and no one but me saw them and then I destroyed all the evidence."

"Thank you," Lexa said. 

"I can't believe it. I kept thinking you were alike but it seemed so farfetched. How do you feel? It must be strange."

Lexa turned her head to Clarke at her words. 

"Happy," Lexa said, "relieved, concerned for her safety."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Not yet. I think it best we take care with this. Maybe in a little while."

"I'm super thrilled for you," Clarke said. "You have a little sister."

"Yes and now I know that Titus was a traitor in more ways than I realised. I should never have trusted him."

"Hey," Clarke said touching her arm gently, "that was out of your control. Of course you listened to him. He drilled his lies into you from childhood. That's not your fault."

Lexa nodded, her head tucked into her chin and lifted her gaze. 

"We should start planning the wedding soon. If that is still what you want."

"Definitely," Clarke said in a low voice. 

They gazed at each other lovingly and Clarke blinked twice forgetting for a second that they weren't alone. Abby cleared her throat.

"I'm gonna head back to medical. There's some herbs with some interesting properties that Nyko showed me that I want to run some tests on."

"Wait," Lexa said quickly.

She stepped forward, straightening her back.

"Thank you. I can see why your people value you highly. Both your skills and loyalty to your people have not gone unnoticed. You are truly a hero to your people."

Abby smiled and shot a glance at Clarke.

"I can see why you like her so much. She's a flatterer isn't she?"

"Truth isn't flattery," Lexa said quickly. 

Abby chuckled. 

"And quick too. You're welcome Lexa. We're family now after all. That means Madi is my family too."

Lexa nodded politely, noticing Clarke smirking from the corner of her eye and Abby left the room, seeming in good cheer. 

"So what does a wedding in Polis look like?"

Lexa smiled and turned her head. 

"Whatever we choose. What did you want to do first?"

"How about we practice for the wedding night?" Clarke murmoured. 

Lexa grinned, well aware of what that particular tone meant. 

"Sounds like a reasonable plan."

Clarke cupped the back of Lexa's head and brought their mouths together heatedly. 

  
Anya was outside the room when Abby gave Lexa the results. She locked eyes with the doctor as soon as she exited the room. 

"Did you give Lexa an answer then?"

"Yes," Abby said quickly. "But you already know that and the answer to your questions don't you?"

Abby walked down the hall and Anya followed at her side in persistence. 

"You seem annoyed with me _fisa_. This was not my doing."

Abby stopped and turned to her defiantly. 

"You could have told her when you were training her. You had this knowledge for years and yet you say back and watched her being trained by the man that murdered her mother."

Abby whispered as she spoke, glancing around.

"Do not presume to judge me," Anya said staring her down. "I had no proof and it would accomplish nothing. I was barely an adult myself and there was no way out of her being in the conclave."

Abby eased back, realising that she was perhaps judging too harshly. 

"So," she said, changing the subject. "Raven tells me you have some techniques for injured warriors. They seem to have worked remarkably well on her injury. Would you be willing to share those techniques with me for help with medical rehabilitation?"

"I thought skaikru was more advanced in that way," Anya said dryly. 

"We are," Abby said, "but practical hands on experience is invaluable and your people have plenty. It's better for everyone if we exchange our knowledge."

Anya studied her face and saw that she was serious in her request.

"You are very like your daughter," Anya said, narrowing her eyes. "She spoke to me of our people working together too. She was very persuasive."

"That doesn't surprise me," Abby said. 

"Very well," Anya said. "I will show you my techniques. I can demonstrate on Raven if you wish. I'm sure she will be willing if I ask her."

"Sure," Abby said without a hint of sarcasm. "That would be fine. She is long overdue a checkup anyway."


	57. Cultural Exchanges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa helps Clarke out of a wedding dress that skaikru sent her as a potential outfit and the two of them have some fun and a sweet moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Smut and scenes of a sexual nature. Fluff included!

"Are you sure this is to your taste? I am not familiar with this custom."

Clarke smiled at Lexa's question, watching that knowing tilt of her head with bemusement. 

"A white wedding dress is traditional but you're right. I would much prefer something less - frilly."

Lexa glanced at her and chuckled. 

"Your people must have more clothes than this for weddings."

Clarke was standing rather awkwardly in the frillest dress she had ever seen, thinking exactly the same thing. She didn't like it at all, the dress was clearly designed for someone much taller and with much, much smaller breasts. 

"I'm grateful they thought to send it to me but maybe instead we should have a dress made by one of your people. Whoever made that dress I wore the night I bowed before you did a good job."

Lexa beamed as she stepped forward, tugging gently at the fabric.

"I had that commissed personally. Blue was my request. I could certainly arrange that."

"Good," Clarke said. "Now help me out of this awful thing so I can move properly. I can't stand being so restricted."

Lexa chuckled, knowing that Clarke had grown up in a society where clothing was very limited and what clothing they had was all about practicality. She had seen a wistful, sense of wonder in Clarke's eyes whenever she passed by the clothing stalls, marvelling at the technical skill of their trades people and the many, many fabrics. 

Clarke started trying to get out of the dress with great difficult and Lexa helped, fighting back the swathes of insidious, white, frilly fabric with her hands. 

"Mmff, this is ridiculous. Why would anyone want to wear this?"

Clarke's voice was muffled, as she struggled with her head stuck inside the dress. Eventually Lexa pulled it over and off, leaving Clarke in her undergarments but absolutely braless. Lexa glanced down and back up with a smirk.

"Maybe you should wear something more than that on our wedding day. Much as I would enjoy it, you may inadvertedly cause the death of some of our more sensitive elders in attendance."

Clarke chuckled and wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck. They had both felt great relief since finding out about the dna results. Uncertainty was somehow worse than the outcome. She ran the back of her fingers up the back of Lexa's neck in seductive strokes.

"As if you don't already do that every time you glare at someone for being insubordinate. Although I find it oddly terrifying _and_ attractive when you stare me down."

Lexa feigned a serious expression and Clarke inhaled sharply. 

"See, sultry and scary. Pretty much sums you up, Commander."

Lexa glanced back towards the entrance of her walk-in washroom and closet area for signs they were alone. When she couldn't hear anyone in the room, she wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist and moved her back against a dresser, enjoying Clarke's near nudity. Her lips fell onto Clarke's, who responded with softly kissing her lower lip before nibbling it and releasing it.

Highly charged by the telltale sign that Clarke was feeling in the mood for more, that she was well used to by now, she pressed her body against Clarke's pinning her up against the dresser and placed her knee inbetween Clarke's thighs, kissing all over her lover's neck and shoulders, drawing her hair back from them to make a line down with her mouth. She pressed her lips to the top of her shoulder and then to her collarbone and then to the tips of her breasts, before taking a nipple into her mouth and engulfing it. Clarke's breaths quickened as Lexa worked from one breast to the other and moved against Clarke's centre. 

She quickly moved her thigh and slipped her fingers into Clarke's underwear and began to bring her to climax. 

This was quicker than usual, the threat of someone walking into their other room and then in on them, speeding up all their interactions. Clarke leaned her head back as Lexa buried herself in her neck, kissing every inch of skin she could, so aroused just from the sight of Clarke worked up that she was nearing climax herself. 

"Baby, don't stop."

"A skaikru pet name?" Lexa asked, her mouth still on Clarke's warm, reddening skin. 

"Uh-huh," Clarke said, far too focussed on what Lexa was doing to her to explain. 

Lexa just smiled into her throat and moved her lips to ellicit more heated gasps from Clarke. She knew that Clarke would explain later and she kinda liked how soft it sounded and how it was used just for her and for no one else. 

"You are too beautiful," Lexa said, as Clarke came against her fingers. 

She withdrew her hand as leaned onto the top of the dressor on either side of Clarke, admiring how startling in love with her fianceé she was. 

"Call me whatever you wish," Lexa whispered. 

Clarke opened her eyes and gazed back into her eyes. Lexa loved how she always gazed back at her as if she didn't believe it, as if the thought of someone loving her just for her was a notion of fantasy. She always had skepticism behind her eyes as if she only ever expected harsh words and criticism or even abandonment. Lexa knew how that felt. 

These were her favourite moments with Clarke, not just because she loved being intimate with her but because she saw the real Clarke, the hidden Clarke that most people never saw and got to see her softness. Clarke was far more caring than anyone ever realised. She worried so much for everyone else. Lexa also knew how that felt.

Without thinking they leaned into each other to share another kiss and hugged and just held each other. Lexa kissed the side of her cheek and nuzzled into her with her eyes closed.

"I will have the dressmaker called for. She will make you a fine dress that reflects all that you are."

"Clothing doesn't really reflect anything. It's just clothing but I would love that. Lexa?"

"Hmmm?" Lexa asked. 

"You think maybe I should put some clothes on in case someone walks in, like my mom or Raven."

Lexa lifted her head, smiling broadly. 

"Skaikru do have a habit of ignoring proper knocking procedures."

"If a door was unlocked on the ark you were allowed to just enter. If it was forbidden you had a locking system and needed security badge access or there was a guard outside. I guess it's just doesn't occur to us to need permission to enter an unlocked door."

"Hmm, that explains a lot of your people's manners."

"Or lack thereof..."

"I was trying not to insult you."

Clarke grinned as Lexa leaned back.

"But it's kinda true. We had such a strict structure on the Ark, there wasn't much need for manners. Everything was allocated or earned or bartered for."

"It's a good thing you are a quick learner then."

Clarke toyed with Lexa's open jacket, gripping it and drawing her closer again.

"What say we finish this on the balcony? No one ever thinks to look for us out there and we can shut the curtains, behind us and..." Clarke's voice deepened suggestively, "I can repay the favour."

Lexa responded with a deep, throaty laugh that gave Clarke her answer and they both giggled as they fled together to the balcony, Lexa stripping her clothes as they moved and discarding them on the bedroom floor before reaching the balcony and closing the curtains. 


	58. Love and Politics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is in a good mood but can't keep her mind free of questions about the mountain and the stealth riders. Lexa spends more time getting to know Madi and Anya and Lexa have a friendly exhibition fight for the nightbloods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation
> 
> Stelt hosas - Stealth riders/Nomads

Clarke was in an excellent mood. With her morning with Lexa on the balcony and the upcoming ceremony and overall peace she was in good cheer. But something nagged at her. The stelt hosas. They had certainly been after Madi, as well as the village. It wasn't a coincidence that it was that particular village they targeted. 

And then there was the mountain. How did they know to get into the mountain? How did they know there was another missile? It was barely standing anymore and yet they knew it was still functional and just how to target it. She'd seen grounder maps. They had their own systems for marking distance and wouldn't even know how to access the codes. 

These things troubled her as she walked to the courtyard. But the sight of Lexa without her jacket and in all black form fitting clothing distracted her. What surprised her more was that Madi was with her and they were talking, Lexa with her hands behind her back, explaining something in detail to her. 

Madi had been attending lessons with the natblidas sometimes but only minimal risk ones, no sports or fighting. Clarke and Lexa had talked about it many times as they lay their heads on their pillows at night. Lexa wanted to get to know her sister more and even though they hadn't told Madi yet, they agreed that there was no harm letting her attend a few of the other classes with Aden and the others.

It was sweet. Clarke couldn't ignore the warmth she felt in her heart as she saw Lexa and Madi privately talking, appearing much more comfortable with each other. 

Madi said something that Clarke was too far away to hear and it must have been something funny because Lexa smiled, genuinely smiled in a way she rarely did in public and ruffled Madi's hair, Madi beaming back up at her. Clarke Sighed and hear a chuckle from beside her. 

"That bad huh?"

She turned her head.

"Raven? What are you doing out here?"

The brunette was standing right next to her, half covered in some sort of engine oil.

"My girl is fighting today," Raven said gesturing towards Anya, who was now striding towards Lexa. "Gotta cheer her on."

"She's fighting Lexa?" Clarke asked. "Since when?"

"Don't know. All I know is she told me a few hours ago that they were going to spar for the nightbloods. Some sort of exhibition fight."

Clarke watched as Lexa eyed Anya, urging Madi to go and sit with the nightbloods who were now filing in. She was calm and controlled. 

"So what are you betting my girl kicks your girl's ass?" Raven asked. 

Clarke glanced at her sideways, thinking over it.

"The keys to the rover for a week," she said. "I know you've been hoarding your own private one nearby."

"And if Anya wins, you give me that fancy horse of yours for a week. I know Lexa gave you one of her best."

"Deal," Clarke said.

They both turned to the open training area, the often muddy ground dried from a recent lack of rain. Clarke had to hide a smirk as Lexa picked up a wooden staff and checked its weight before readying her stance. 

This fight started well. Both were clever and quick, Anya's extra experience benefitting her throughout but Clarke could see Lexa's mind working and she knew every move that Anya was going to make and yet was utterly unpredictable herself. 

_That's why Lexa always wins_ Clarke thought. _She's always the better tactician._

Surely enough, Anya kept adapting but Lexa adapted faster and outwitted her. In no time at all, Lexa had put Anya on her back and had the staff at her throat. 

"It's done," Lexa said. 

She nodded towards Anya who seemed more proud than annoyed that her protoge had beaten her. 

"Here," Raven said, dangling the keys in front of Clarke for her to take, "not sure what you want with it but its yours for the week."

Clarke took them with a grin and pocketed them just as Lexa finished addressing her students about the details of the fight. Lexa glanced towards her, meeting her eyes for a second, a thoroughly pleased twinkle behind them. The memory of what they had been doing earlier was still fresh in both their minds. Clarke couldn't resist glancing down to Lexa's half gloved hands and long, womanly legs. Clarke knew from personal experience how strong those legs were, and how skilled Lexa was with her fingers.

Lexa gave her a similar glance, her eyes raking over her curves. 

"Geez save something for the honeymoon," Raven said, snapping her out of it suddenly. "How's that all going by the way?"

"Good," Clarke said, "but I'm not wearing the dress they sent me from Arkadia. Lexa will have one made for me."

"Really? Wasn't it in good condition?"

Clarke shot her a look.

"It was in great condition but I looked ridiculous in it."

Raven laughed. 

"That bad huh? I gotta agree with you that these grounder clothes are way more comfortable. Anya keeps complaining about me borrowing them all the time."

"How do you think they knew about the mountain?" Clarke asked, her mind wandering back to the stelt hosas.

"The riders? That's a good question. You think someone betrayed the kongeda?"

"I don't know," Clarke said with a frown. "I don't think so. I wouldn't serve much of a purpose. Our people are settling well in the coalition. Azgeda is being run by Roan who has no desire to usurp Lexa and the other clans haven't shown any signs of unrest. Hey there's a bunker under Polis right?"

"Yeah. Did you wanna see it?"

"Yes," Clarke said, her mind working on a theory now. "Where is it?"

"I can take you. Follow me."

  
"I nearly had you," Anya hissed in a low voice. "You lost focus a few times when you saw your skai girl."

"So did you," Lexa replied. 

Lexa watched as Madi and Aden walked out of the training area, talking happily, feeling glad that she was able to impress her younger sister even a little. 

"Not told her yet?"

"No," Lexa said. "That's a conversation for a later time. We need to deal with other issues. The riders have been too quiet since the attack. I need to send more scouts out to investigate without alerting them."

"Do you think they were the dark commander's loyalists? It's rumoured that some still exist."

"No," Lexa said. "I squashed any notion of that years ago. His reign is done. But someone is gathering these people together for a common purpose."

"Send the girl, Emori with someone trusted. She is used to travelling light and knows the land. She was one of them."

"And you trust her?" Lexa asked.

"I trust few people but she seems to have joined them purely for her own gain. She's an opportunist, a survivor. She will only betray us if we give her a good reason too. Pay her well and she'll be loyal enough."

"Very well. Send the girl. It will be a good way to prove her loyalty."


	59. The Cult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets with Emori while Clarke investigates the bunker.
> 
> *Not been feeling my best this week but I'm still updating when I can. Also in this version, Cadogan is delusional and never finds a device to travel to other planets as it doesn't exist so don't worry I will not be going that route at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations
> 
> Haison - High sun/ short for haihefa son which means Sun King.

A few days later, Lexa met with Emori just outside Polis. The young woman wasn't alone. Lexa recognised Murphy, one of Clarke's people. He seemed very comfortable at her side and Lexa knew that this was an inevitable development, the subsequent relationships between skaikru and members of other clans. 

_Grounders_ Lexa reminded herself. _They call us Grounders. A suitable name I guess._

"Are you sure about this?" Lexa asked, studying the object over and over again in her hand. 

It was technology, older technology than of Clarke's people or the mountain but undoubtedly not familiar to her own people either. It was a gold, clockwork watch with an inscription on the back. 

Love, C.

The symbol inscribed was a trianglular pattern, almost with a pattern that resembled sun rays stretching out around it. 

"Their leader had this on him. He wasn't like our people or like skaikru or the mountain."

"Hmmm, this is certainly not a symbol I recognise. Did you hear their leader's name?"

"They called just him the Sun King or _Haison_. I could not even get in to see him. He was guarded day and night."

Lexa rubbed the back of the device with her thumb, thinking carefully. Her time with the flame had given her limited memories of the previous commanders lives. She had a theory what it might be related to. 

"Good work Emori. Keep me appraised of anything more you learn. I may have to try and gain an audience with this - Sun King."

Clarke was astounded when she entered the bunker with Raven, that lay below Polis. It was advanced but still old and clearly had been lived in, which begged the question. Where did everyone go?

"There was at least a few hundred people down here. Families, Becca Franco," Raven said, "even a few kids. The leader was looking for some device, bit of a whackjob if you ask me. He was right about the end of the world but it was just a good guess by his account. Cadogan built a whole cult called the Second Dawn and led his followers to this place."

"Cadogan," Clarke repeated. "I wonder what he was wanted. What did the device do?"

Raven leaned casually against a wall as Clarke's eyes searched around the abandoned bunker. 

"He thought it led to some alien test but Becca said that they never found the device, that it was a wild goose chase that ended in nothing. Cadogan became unstable and murdered Becca after she had created and distributed the nightblood serum among the outside survivors and then he disappeared. His people were immunised by the people left who had sided with Becca and they went outside. I guess they all died or forgot their past or just merged with the grounders."

"How is that possible? They would have had to be in there for much longer to forget where they came from."

"That's the craziest thing," Raven said. "Becca said in her diary that they were losing it in here. They were a pretty extreme cult and Cadogan wasn't above experimenting on and drugging his own people. He thought it would lead their minds to a vision of the device."

Clarke raised her brows as Raven scoffed the words out. 

"Seriously?"

"The device never existed," Raven said. "Becca figured it out. Cadogan was working on a translation from an old text that was meant to be religious, metaphorical. He took it literal. Mistranslated it entirely."

Clarke's eyes scanned the area as if searching for something. She moved from room to room and then stopped at a large symbol on the wall.

"There," she said. "I didn't remember at first but I've seen that symbol before. Twice actually. I saw it tattooed on the hand of the rider who attacked me when I found Madi and then before in the mountain. Dante had a painting of the symbol. That means that he met these people, or at least one of them."

"You think the riders are this Second Dawn cult?"

"I think that they knew far too much about the mountain and that there's a reason they attacked that village."

"To get Madi," Raven said. "Nightblood."

Clarke shot a horrified look at her.

"You know?!!"

"Anya had her suspicions before she told Lexa and she knows I won't say a word. Clarke," Raven grabbed her arms, "chill, I'm not going to reveal the secret about your new foster kid."

"I should hope not," Clarke said, calming a little more now. "So they want Madi but why? Normally it's to get to Lexa, but if they still believe in this crazy idea about alien tests then what purpose does she serve?"

"Becca. She was seen as a threat to Cadogan because she spread doubt and he convinced them that she was a facet of the test, an obstable they had to destroy to beat it. He knew it wasn't true by then but he didn't want to lose his power. Maybe they twisted it into some sort of new boogeyman, with Natblidas being the villains of their new wild beliefs."

"Maybe," Clarke said, sitting down on the nearby sofa. "I can't think of any other reason right now. We need to tell Lexa. She's meeting Emori today to get more intel on the riders but I doubt this guy will even let her get close to him."

"Sure, you er- may not want to sit there."

Clarke looked down at the sofa and then realised what she meant and leapt up to her feet.

"Is that what you were doing down here all that time? I thought you were working on the chip."

"I was," Raven said with a wide grin, "but Anya made me - take some time to relax once in a while."

Clarke just gave her a knowing look. 

"Relax huh? Is that what you're calling it."

Raven just laughed and turned her head, not even seeming that embarrassed. 

"We should go," Clarke said. "I want to talk to Lexa."

"I'll catch up with you later. There were some more tech toys down here I wanted to play with before I head back up."

Clarke nodded, knowing that Raven wouldn't be able to resist messing with all the technology she could find.

"This place would make a great new lab for you here at Polis if you cleaned it up."

Raven's eyes widened at Clarke's words and her smile grew wider as if it was the best idea she had ever had.


End file.
